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Pieces People Ask For

Part II (continued 2)

Reading edition

Presbyterian Journal.

THE SOLDIER’S DREAM.

It was the ninth of April—historic month and day! The day of Lee’s surrender—a score of years away. The sick-room veiled in midnight; no sound disturbed the air, Except the sufferer’s breathing, reclining in his chair. The savior of his country lay face to face with Death, Whose lean and hungry fingers confined his choking breath: A panoramic vision illumed his dreamy sight,— The vision of a lifetime, from dawn to waning light. A child of sunny summers, beside his mother’s knee, A youth of earnest purpose, his half-shut eyelids see; A grave and silent soldier, the pride of the parade, He rides, as if a Cossack, ’gainst Montezuma’s blade; A sturdy, sunburnt farmer, within his rustic home, Beside his blazing hearthstone, who never cares to roam Except where boon companions, with pipes and foaming beer, Tell tales of wild adventure, sing songs of hearty cheer. But hark! the bugle calleth! Its clarions wake the farms,— “Your country is in danger! To arms, my sons, to arms!” The streets are black with soldiers; their bristling bayonets gleam, A hundred thousand marching, as flows a mountain stream. The dreamer in his vision descries a battle-field; He hears the cannon echo, he sees battalions yield; He sees the blue-coats rally, he sees the gray-coats fall, The ghastly dead and dying, the “stars and bars” their pall Along the queen of rivers, against her trembling shore, Volcanic flames are belching, and volleying thunders roar: Hot shot and shell are crashing, while lurid smoke and flame Are from a fortress leaping,—a fortress known to fame. Again the picture changes! The Capitol is seen, Where rolls the broad Potomac through the banks of ever green: Not now fraternal kindness disports in festive garb, But brother, armed ’gainst brother, spurs on his fiery barb. Brigades and solid squadrons are marching out of camp; He hears their stirring music, he hears their steady tramp: The Wilderness the arena, a nation’s life the prize, Their watchword, “On to Richmond!” He hears their battle-cries. For days, for weeks together, repulsed, defeated, slain, As sands restrain old ocean, their ranks roll back again, Till rising higher, higher, with loud, exultant roar, The foaming, raging billows sweep o’er the crumbling shore. Now he sees a planter’s dwelling in Appomattox vale: The earth is piled in breastworks, ’tis rent with iron hail; What villages of canvas for men in blue or gray, What lines of halting columns, in grave or grim array! Within appear two chieftains, of heroes full a score, The victors and the vanquished: thank God, the war is o’er! “The olive-branch shall shield you, the sun of peace shall shine! This flag,” so says the leader, “this ægis still is thine!” No lion mien and bearing, no eagle’s eye of pride; As modest as a schoolboy, the conqueror seeks to hide—, Hide his speechless joy of triumph by generous act and word,— He feeds the conquered army! The beggar seems the lord. The reveille has sounded; ’twill never sound again! For days, in martial splendor, three hundred thousand men. From Vicksburg and from Shiloh, Antietam and the sea. From Shenandoah’s Valley and Gettysburg’s green lea.— Those cannoneers of Ruin, that hurricane of horse, With Pestilence behind them, and Carnage in their course; Those, those—when Pickett’s cohorts were charging wave on wave,— That stood like granite ledges, the bravest of the brave; With drums, with banners flying, with triumph in each eye, The grand review are marching. He sees them passing by As saw in dream. Napoleon, from that triumphal arch, That night in phantom phalanx his splendid heroes march. ’Twas like a shield all gory, that sun of Austerlitz! No bloody, ghostly phantom before our hero flits! Ye idols of the people, who lead an army well, Shall wield a nation’s sceptre, in capitols shall dwell! Past ages grim and hoary their victors loved to crown: The flaming sword of conquest still wins sublime renown. All echo and re-echo the glories of the brave; All, all, a grateful country! bedew the soldier’s grave. C. G. Fall.

OVER THE LEFT.

Their deposits were left over night in the bank,— In a bank without whisper of fault: The amounts to their credit were placed on the books, And were left over night in the vault. To their credit, I say it, the bank was locked tight, Guarding thus against fire and theft; A patrol on the walk, and a new ’lectric light, Throwing beams to the right and the left.

Just here the cashier he left over night, Taking all but the house and the soil; And the long and the short of the story is this,— He was too long of stocks—short of oil. A receiver was called, and he looked o’er the wreck, And received those who called—thus bereft. “Have you nothing left over?” they timidly ask: He answers, “Yes, over the left.” W. C. Dornin.

THE SEMINOLE’S REPLY.

Blaze, with your serried columns! I will not bend the knee! The shackles ne’er again shall bind The arm which now is free. I’ve mailed it with the thunder, When the tempest muttered low; And where it falls, ye well may dread The lightning of its blow! I’ve scared ye in the city, I’ve scalped ye on the plain; Go, count your chosen, where they fell Beneath my leaden rain! I scorn your proffered treaty! The pale-face I defy! Revenge is stamped upon my spear, And blood my battle-cry! Some strike for hope of booty, Some to defend their all— I battle for the joy I have To see the white man fall: I love, among the wounded, To hear his dying moan, And catch, while chanting at his side, The music of his groan. Ye’ve trailed me through the forest, Ye’ve tracked me o’er the stream; And struggling through the everglade, Your bristling bayonets gleam: But I stand as should the warrior, With his rifle and his spear; The scalp of vengeance still is red, And warns ye, “Come not here!” I loathe ye in my bosom, I scorn ye with mine eye; And I’ll taunt ye with my latest breath, And fight ye till I die! I ne’er will ask ye quarter, And I ne’er will be your slave; But I’ll swim the sea of slaughter, Till I sink beneath its wave.

THE DUTCHMAN’S SERENADE.

Vake up, my schveet! Vake up, my lofe! Der moon dot can’t been seen abofe. Vake oud your eyes, und dough it’s late, I’ll make you oud a serenate. Der shtreet dot’s kinder dampy vet, Und dhere vas no goot blace to set; My fiddle’s getting oud of dune, So blease get vakey wery soon. O my lofe! my lofely lofe! Am you avake ub dhere abofe, Feeling sad und nice to hear Schneider’s fiddle schrabin near? Vell, anyvay, obe loose your ear, Und try to saw if you kin hear From dem bedclose vat you’m among, Der little song I’m going to sung:

O lady, vake! Get vake! Und hear der tale I’ll tell; Oh, you vot’s schleebin’ sound ub dhere, I like you pooty vell! Your plack eyes dhem don’t shine Ven you’m ashleep—so vake! (Yes, hurry up, und voke up quick, For gootness cracious sake!) My schveet imbatience, lofe, I hobe you vill oxcuse: I’m singing schveetly (dhere, py Jinks! Dhere goes a shtring proke loose!) O putiful, schveet maid! Oh, vill she efer voke? Der moon is mooning—(Jimminy! dhere Anoder shtring vent proke!) Oh, say, old schleeby head! (Now I vas getting mad— I’ll holler now, und I don’t care Uf I vake up her dad!) I say, you schleeby, vake! Vake oud! Vake loose! Vake ub! Fire! Murder! Police! Vatch! Oh, cracious! do vake ub!

Dot girl she schleebed—dot rain it rained, Und I looked shtoopid like a fool, Vhen mit my fiddle I shneaked off So vet und shlobby like a mool!

SCENE FROM “INGOMAR”

CHARACTERS.

Ingomar. Leader of a band of Alemanni. Parthenia. A Greek girl.

(Parthenia clasps her hands before her face, and stands sobbing in the foreground.) Ingomar. (Who has been standing on a rock looking at the proceedings of his followers.) No violence! Ho! how he runs! and now He stops and cries again! Poor fearful fool! It must be strange to fear: now, by my troth, I should like to feel, for once, what ’tis to fear! But the girl—(Leaning forward.) Ha! do I see right? you weep. [To Parthenia. Is that the happy temper that you boast? Par. Oh, I shall never see him more! Ing. What! have we For a silly old man, got now a foolish And timid weeping girl? I have had enough Of tears. Par. Enough, indeed, since you but mock them! I will not—no, I’ll weep no more. [She quickly dries her eyes, and retires to the background.[1] Ing. That’s good! come, that looks well; She is a brave girl! she rules herself, and if She keep her word, we have made a good exchange— “I’ll weep no more!” Aha! I like the girl. And if—Ho! whither goest thou? [To Parthenia, who is going off with two goblets. Par. Where should I go? to yonder brook, to cleanse the cups. Ing. No! stay and talk with me. Par. I have duties to perform. [Going. Ing. Stay—I command you, slave! Par. I am no slave! your hostage, but no slave. I go to cleanse the cups. [Exit l. Ing. Ho! here’s a self-willed thing—here is a spirit! [Mimicking her. “I will not, I am no slave! I have duties to perform! Take me for hostage!” and she flung back her head As though she brought with her a ton of gold! “I’ll weep no more,”—Aha! an impudent thing. She pleases me! I love to be opposed; I love my horse when he rears, my dogs when they snarl, The mountain torrent, and the sea, when it flings Its foam up to the stars; such things as these Fill me with life and joy. Tame indolence Is living death! the battle of the strong Alone is life! [During this speech Parthenia has returned with the cups and a bundle of field flowers. She seats herself on a piece of rock in front. Ing. Ah! she is here again. (He approaches her, and leans over her on the rock.) What art thou making there? Par. I? garlands. Ing. Garlands? (Musing.) It seems to me as I before had seen her In a dream! How! Ah, my brother!—he who died A child—yes, that is it. My little Folko—She has his dark-brown hair, his sparkling eye: Even the voice seems known again to me; I’ll not to sleep—I’ll talk to her. [Returns to her. These you call garlands, And wherefore do you weave them? Par. For these cups. Ing. How? Par. Is it not with you a custom? With us At home, we love to intertwine with flowers Our cups and goblets. Ing. What use is such a plaything? Par. Use? They are beautiful; that is their use. The sight of them makes glad the eye; their scent Refreshes, cheers. There! (Fastens the half-finished garland round a cup and presents it to him.) Is not that, now, beautiful? Ing. Ay—by the bright sun! That dark-green mixed Up with the gay flowers! Thou must teach our women To weave such garlands. Par. That is soon done: thy wife Herself shall soon weave wreaths as well as I. Ing. (Laughing heartily.) My wife! my wife! a woman Dost thou say? I thank the gods, not I. This is my wife— [Pointing to his accoutrements. My spear, my shield, my sword; let him who will Waste cattle, slaves, or gold, to buy a woman; Not I—not I! Par. To buy a woman?—how? Ing. What is the matter? why dost look so strangely? Par. How! did I hear aright? bargain for brides As you would slaves—buy them like cattle? Ing. Well, I think a woman fit only for a slave. We follow our own customs, as you yours. How do you in your city there? Par. Consult our hearts. Massilia’s freeborn daughters are not sold, But bound by choice with bands as light and sweet As these I hold. Love only buys us there. Ing. Marry for love—what! do you love your husbands? Par. Why marry else? Ing. Marry for love; that’s strange! I cannot comprehend. I love my horse, My dogs, my brave companions—but no woman! What dost thou mean by love—what is it, girl? Par. What is it? ’Tis of all things the most sweet— The heaven of life—or, so my mother says, I never felt it. Ing. Never? Par. No, indeed. [Looking at garland. Now look how beautiful! Here would I weave Red flowers if I had them. Ing. Yonder there, In that thick wood they grow. Par. How sayest thou? (Looking off.) Oh, what a lovely red! Go, pluck me some. Ing. (Starting at the suggestion.) I go for thee? the master serve the slave! [Gazing on her with increasing interest. And yet, why not? I’ll go—the poor child’s tired. Par. Dost thou hesitate? Ing. No, thou shalt have the flowers As fresh and dewy as the bush affords. [He goes off, r. Par. (Holding out the wreath.) I never yet succeeded half so well. It will be charming! Charming? and for whom? Here among savages! no mother here Looks smiling on it—I am alone, forsaken! But no, I’ll weep no more! No, none shall say I fear. Re-enter Ingomar, with a bunch of flowers, and slowly advancing towards Parthenia. Ing. (Aside.) The little Folko, when in his play he wanted Flowers or fruit, would so cry “Bring them to me; Quick! I will have them—these I will have or none;” Till somehow he compelled me to obey him, And she, with the same spirit, the same fire—Yes, there is much of the bright child in her. Well, she shall be a little brother to me! There are the flowers. [He hands her the flowers. Par. Thanks, thanks! Oh, thou hast broken them Too short off in the stem! [She throws some of them on the ground. Ing. Shall I go and get thee more? Par. No: these will do. Ing. Tell me now about your home—I will sit here, Near thee. Par. Not there: thou art crushing all the flowers. Ing. (Seating himself at her feet.) Well, well; I will sit here, then. And now tell me, What is your name? Par. Parthenia. Ing. Parthenia! A pretty name! and now, Parthenia, tell me How that which you call love grows in the soul; And what love is: ’tis strange, but in that word There’s something seems like yonder ocean—fathomless. Par. How shall I say? Love comes, my mother says, Like flowers in the night—reach me those violets—It is a flame a single look will kindle, But not an ocean quench. Fostered by dreams, excited by each thought, Love is a star from heaven, that points the way And leads us to its home—a little spot In earth’s dry desert, where the soul may rest— A grain of gold in the dull sand of life— A foretaste of Elysium; but when Weary of this world’s woes, the immortal gods Flew to the skies, with all their richest gifts, Love staid behind, self-exiled for man’s sake! Ing. I never yet heard aught so beautiful! But still I comprehend it not. Par. Nor I. For I have never felt it; yet I know A song my mother sang, an ancient song, That plainly speaks of love, at least to me. How goes it? Stay— [Slowly, as trying to recollect. “What love is, if thou wouldst be taught, Thy heart must teach alone,— Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one. And whence comes love? like morning’s light, It comes without thy call; And how dies love?—A spirit bright, Love never dies at all!” And when—and when— [Hesitating as if unable to continue. Ing. Go on. Par. I know no more. Ing. (Impatiently.) Try—try! Par. I cannot now; but at some other time I may remember. Ing. (Somewhat authoritatively.) Now, go on, I say. Par. (Springing up in alarm.) Not now, I want more roses for my wreath! Yonder they grow, I will fetch them for myself. Take care of all my flowers and the wreath! [Throws the flowers into Ingomar’s lap and runs off. Ing. (After a pause, without changing his position, speaking to himself in deep abstraction.) “Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one.” Maria Lovell’s translation from the German.

CICELY AND THE BEARS.

I. “Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! ding-dong!” The bellman’s voice is loud and strong; So is his bell: “Oh, yes! ding-dong!” He wears a coat with golden lace; See how the people of the place Come running to hear what the bellman says! “Oh, yes! Sir Nicholas Hildebrand Has just returned from the Holy Land, And freely offers his heart and hand— Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! ding-dong!” All the women hurry along, Maids and widows, a clattering throng. “Oh, sir, you are hard to understand! To whom does he offer his heart and hand? Explain your meaning, we do command!” “Oh, yes! ding-dong! you shall understand! Oh, yes! Sir Nicholas Hildebrand Invites the ladies of this land To feast with him, in his castle strong, This very day at three. Ding-dong! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! ding-dong!” Then all the women went off to dress, Mary, Margaret, Bridget, Bess, Patty, and more than I can guess. They powdered their hair with golden dust, And bought new ribbons—they said they must— But none of them painted, we will trust. Long before the time arrives, All the women that could be wives Are dressed within an inch of their lives. Meanwhile Sir Nicholas Hildebrand Had brought with him from the Holy Land A couple of bears—Oh, that was grand! He tamed the bears, and they loved him true: Whatever he told them they would do— Hark! ’tis the town-clock striking two! II. Among the maidens of low degree The poorest of all was Cicely— A shabbier girl could hardly be. “Oh, I should like to see the feast, But my frock is old, my shoes are pieced, My hair is rough!”—(It never was greased.) The clock struck three! She durst not go! But she heard the band, and, to see the show, Crept after the people that went in a row. When Cicely came to the castle gate, The porter exclaimed, “Miss Shaggypate, The hall is full, and you come too late!” Just then the music made a din, Flute, and cymbal, and culverin, And Cicely, with a squeeze, got in. Oh, what a sight! Full fifty score Of dames that Cicely knew, and more, Filling the hall from dais to door! The dresses were like a garden bed, Green and gold, and blue and red— Poor Cicely thought of her tossy head! She heard the singing—she heard the clatter— Clang of flagon and clink of platter— But, oh, the feast was no such matter! For she saw Sir Nicholas himself, Raised on a dais just like a shelf, And fell in love with him—shabby elf! Her heart beat quick; aside she stepped: Under the tapestry she crept, Tousling her tossy hair, and wept! Her cheeks were wet, her eyes were red. “Who makes that noise?” the ladies said; “Turn out that girl with the shaggy head!” III. Just then there was heard a double roar, That shook the place, both wall and floor: Everybody looked to the door. It was a roar, it was a growl; The ladies set up a little howl, And flapped and clucked like frightened fowl. Sir Hildebrand for silence begs— In walked the bears on their hinder legs, Wise as owls, and merry as grigs! The dark girls tore their hair of sable; The fair girls hid underneath the table; Some fainted; to move they were not able. But most of them could scream and screech— Sir Nicholas Hildebrand made a speech— “Order, ladies, I do beseech!” The bears looked hard at Cicely, Because her hair hung wild and free— “Related to us, miss, you must be!” Then Cicely, filling two plates of gold As full of cherries as they could hold, Walked up to the bears, and spoke out bold: “Welcome to you! and to you Mr. Bear! Will you take a chair? will you take a chair? This is an honor, we do declare!” Sir Hildebrand strode up to see, Saying, “Who may this maiden be? Ladies, this is the wife for me!” Almost before they could understand, He took up Cicely by the hand, And danced with her a saraband. Her hair was rough as a parlor broom; It swung, it swirled all round the room— Those ladies were vexed, we may presume. Sir Nicholas kissed her on the face, And set her beside him on the dais, And made her the lady of the place. The nuptials soon they did prepare, With a silver comb for Cicely’s hair: There were bands of music everywhere. And in that beautiful bridal show Both the bears were seen to go Upon their hind legs to and fro! Now every year on the wedding-day The boys and girls come out to play, And scramble for cherries as they may. With a cheer for this and the other bear, And a cheer for Sir Nicholas, free and fair, And a cheer for Cis, of the tossy hair— With one cheer more (if you will wait) For every girl with a curly pate, Who keeps her hair in a proper state. Sing bear’s grease! curling-irons to sell! Sing combs and brushes! sing tortoise-shell! Oh, yes! ding-dong! the crier, the bell! Isn’t this a pretty tale to tell? Lilliput Levee.

A HOWL IN ROME.

It had been a day of triumph in Capua. Lentulus, returning with victorious eagles, had amused the populace with the sports of the amphitheatre to an extent hitherto unknown, even in that luxurious city. A large number of people from the rural districts had taken advantage of half-rates on the railroad, and had been in town watching the conflict in the arena, listening to the infirm, decrepit ring-joke, and viewing the bogus sacred elephant.

The shouts of revelry had died away. The last loiterer had retired from the free-lunch counter, and the lights in the palace of the victor were extinguished. The restless hyena in the Roman menagerie had sunk to rest, and the Numidian lion at the stock-yards had taken out his false teeth for the night. The moon, piercing the tissue of fleecy clouds, tipped the dark waters of the Tiber with a wavy, tremulous light. The dark-browed Roman soldier moved on his homeward way, the sidewalk flipping up occasionally, and hitting him in the small of the back. No sound was heard, save the low sob of some retiring wave as it told its story to the smooth pebbles on the beach, or the unrelenting boot-jack as it struck the high board fence in the back yard, just missing the Roman tomcat in its mad flight; and then all was still as the breast when the spirit has departed. Anon the half-stifled Roman snore would steal in upon its deathly stillness, and then die away like a hot biscuit in the hands of the hired man.

In the green room of the amphitheatre a little band of gladiators were assembled. The foam of conflict yet lingered on their lips, the scowl of battle yet hung upon their brows, and the large knobs on their profiles indicated that it had been a busy day with them in the arena.

There was an embarrassing silence of about five minutes, when Spartacus, gently laying his chew of tobacco on the banister, stepped forth and addressed them:—

“Mr. Chairman, ladies and gentlemen,—Ye call me chief, and ye do well to call him chief who for twelve long years has met in the arena every shape of man or beast that the broad empire of Rome could furnish, and yet has never squealed. I do not say this egotistically, but simply to show that I am the star thumper of the entire outfit.

“If there be one among you who can say that ever in public fight, or private brawl, my actions did belie my words, let him stand forth and say it, and I will spread him around over the arena till the coroner will have to soak him out of the ground with benzine. If there be three in all your company dare face me on the bloody sands, let them come, and I will construct upon their physiognomy such cupolas and cornices and dormer-windows and Corinthian capitals and entablatures, that their own masters would pass them by in the broad light of high noon unrecognized.

“And yet I was not always thus,—a hired butcher,—the savage chief of still more savage men. My ancestors came from Sparta, Wisconsin, and settled among the vine-clad hills and citron-groves of Syracuse. My early life ran as quiet as the clear brook by which I sported. Aside from the gentle patter of my angel mother’s slipper on the bustle of my overalls, every thing moved along with the still and rhythmic flow of goose-grease. My boyhood was one long, happy summer day. We stole the Roman muskmelon, and put split sticks on the tail of the Roman dog, and life was a picnic and a hallelujah.

“When, at noon, I led the sheep beneath the shade, and played ‘Little Sallie Waters’ on my shepherd’s flute, there was another Spartan youth, the son of a neighbor, to join me in the pastime; we led our flocks to the same pasture, and together picked the large red ants out of our doughnuts.

“One evening, after the sheep had been driven into the corral, and we were all seated beneath the ‘Bammygilead’-tree that shaded our cottage, my grandsire, an old man, was telling of Marathon and Leuctra, and Dr. Mary Walker, and other great men; and how a little band of Spartans at Milwaukee had stood off the police, and how they fled away into the mountains, and there successfully held an annual pass over the C. M. & St. P. Railway. Held it for a year! I did not know then what war was; but my cheeks burned, I knew not why, and I thought what a glorious thing it would be to leave the reservation, and go upon the war-path. But my mother kissed my throbbing temples, and bade me go and soak my head, and think no more of those old tales and savage wars. That very night the Romans landed on our coasts. They pillaged the whole country, burned the agency buildings, demolished the ranche, rode off the stock, tore down the smoke-house, and ran their war horses over the cucumber-vines.

“To-day I killed a man in the arena; and when I broke his helmet clasps, and looked upon him, behold! he was my friend. The same sweet smile was on his face that I had known when in adventurous boyhood we bathed in the glassy lake by our Spartan home, and he had tied my shirt into 1,752 dangerous and difficult knots. He knew me, smiled faintly, told me always to tell the truth, and to travel by the Milwaukee & St. Paul road, and then ascended the golden stair. I begged of the Praetor that I might be allowed to bear away the body, and have it packed in ice, and shipped to his relatives in Sparta, Wisconsin; but he couldn’t see it. As upon my bended knees, amid the dust and blood of the arena, I begged this poor boon, and the Praetor answered, ‘Let the carrion rot. There are no noblemen but Romans and Ohio men. Let the show go on. Bring forth the bobtail lion from Abbyssinia.’ And the assembled maids and matrons and the rabble shouted in derision, and told me to ‘brace up;’ and they threw peanut-shells at me, and told me to ‘cheese it,’ with other Roman flings which I do not now recall.

“And so must you, fellow gladiators, and so must I, die like dogs. To-morrow we are billed to appear at the Coliseum at Rome; and reserved seats are even now being sold for our moral and instructive performance, while I am speaking to you.

“Ye stand here like giants as ye are; but to-morrow some Roman dude will pat your red brawn, and bet his shekels upon your blood.

“O Rome! Rome! Thou hast been a tender nurse to me. Thou hast given to that gentle, timid, shepherd lad, who never knew a harsher tone than a flute note, muscles of iron, and a heart of steel. Thou hast taught him to drive his sword through plaited mail and links of rugged brass, and warm it in the stomach of his foe; to gaze into the glaring eyeballs of a fierce Numidian lion, even as the smooth-cheeked senator looks into the laughing eyes of the chambermaid. And he shall pay thee back till the rushing Tiber is red as frothing wine, and in its deepest ooze thy life-blood lies curdled. Ye doubtless hear the gentle murmur of my bazoo.

“Hark! Hear ye yon lion roaring in his den? ’Tis three days since he tasted flesh, but to-morrow he will have gladiator on toast, and don’t you forget it; and he will fling your vertebræ around his cage, and wipe his nose on your clustering hair.

“If ye are brutes, then stand here like fat oxen waiting the butcher’s knife. If ye are men, arise and follow me! Strike down the warden and the turnkey, slide our baggage out the third story window of the amphitheatre, overpower the public, and cut for the tall timber!

“O comrades! Warriors! Gladiators! If we be men, let us die like men, beneath the blue sky, and by the still waters, and be buried according to Hoyle, instead of having our shin-bones polished off by Numidian lions, amid the groans and hisses of the populace here in Rome, New York. Let us break loose, chaw the ear of the night watchman, buy our tickets via the Chicago, Milwaukee, & St. Paul Railway, and go to farming in Dakota! Then if the fierce Roman don’t like our style, he knows our post-office address.”

Bill Nye.

JAMIE DOUGLAS.

It was in the days when Claverhouse Was scouring moor and glen, To change, with fire and bloody sword, The faith of Scottish men. They had made a covenant with the Lord Firm in their faith to bide, Nor break to him their plighted word, Whatever might betide. The sun was well-nigh setting, When o’er the heather wild, And up the narrow mountain path, Alone there walked a child. He was a bonny, blithesome lad, Sturdy and strong of limb: A father’s pride, a mother’s love, Were fast bound up in him. His bright blue eyes glanced fearless round, His step was firm and light: What was it underneath his plaid His little hands grasped tight? It was bannocks which, that very morn, His mother made with care, From out her scanty store of meal, And now, with many a prayer, Had sent by Jamie, her ane boy, A trusty lad and brave, To good old Pastor Tammus Roy, Now hid in yonder cave, And for whom the bloody Claverhouse Had hunted long in vain, And swore they would not leave that glen Till old Tam Roy was slain. So Jamie Douglas went his way With heart that knew no fear: He turned the great curve in the rock, Nor dreamed that death was near. And there were bloody Claverhouse men Who laughed aloud with glee, When, trembling now within their power, The frightened child they see. He turns to flee, but all in vain: They drag him back apace To where their cruel leader stands, And set them face to face. The cakes concealed beneath his plaid Soon tell the story plain— “It is old Tam Roy the cakes are for!” Exclaimed the angry man. “Now guide me to his hiding-place, And I will let you go.” But Jamie shook his yellow curls, And stoutly answered, “No!” “I’ll drop you down the mountain side, And there upon the stones The old gaunt wolf and carrion crow Shall battle for your bones.” And in his brawny, strong right hand He lifted up the child, And held him where the clefted rocks Formed a chasm deep and wild. So deep it was, the trees below Like stunted bushes seemed. Poor Jamie looked in frightened maze: It seemed some horrid dream. He looked at the blue sky above, Then at the men near by: Had they no little boys at home, That they could let him die? But no one spoke, and no one stirred, Or lifted hand to save From such a fearful, frightful death, The little lad so brave. “It is woful deep!” he shuddering cried; “But, oh! I canna tell! So drop me down, then, if you will— It is nae so deep as hell!” A childish scream, a faint, dull sound— O Jamie Douglas true! Long, long within that lonely cave Shall Tam Roy wait for you. Long for your welcome coming Waits the mother on the moor, And watches and calls, “Come, Jamie, lad,” Through the half-open door. No more adown the rocky path You come with fearless tread, Or, on moor or mountain, take The good man’s daily bread. But up in heaven the shining ones A wond’rous story tell, Of a child snatched up from a rocky gulf That is nae so deep as hell. And there before the great white throne, Forever blessed and glad, His mother dear and old Tam Roy Shall meet their bonny lad.

STORY OF A BEDSTEAD.

It was night.

The boarding-house was wrapt in tenebrous gloom, faintly tinted with an odor of kerosene.

Suddenly there arose on the air a yell, followed by wild objurgations and furious anathemas.

Then there was a clanking and rattling, as of an over-turned picket-fence, and another yell with more anathemas. The fatted boarders listened, and, ghostly clad, tip-toed along to Buffum’s room,—he of Buffum & Bird, second-hand furniture dealers. As they stood there, there was a whiz, a grinding, a rattling and a bang, and more yells. They consulted, and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

“Open it.”

“I can’t.”

Convinced that Buffum was in his last agony, they knocked in the door with a bedpost.

The sight was ghastly. Clasped between two sturdy, though slender, frames of walnut, Buffum, pale as a ghost, was six feet up in the air. He couldn’t move. He was caught like a bear in a log-trap.

“What on earth is it?” they said.

“Bedstead—combination. New patent I was tellin’ you about,” gasped Buffum.

His story was simple, though tearful. He had brought it home that day; and, after using it for a writing-desk, had opened it out and made his bed. He was going peacefully to dream-land, when he rolled over and accidentally touched a spring. The faithful invention immediately became a double crib, and turned Buffum into a squalling wafer. Then he struggled, and was reaching around for the spring, when the patent bedstead thought it would show off some more, and straightened out, and shot up in the air, and was a clothes-horse. Buffum said he didn’t like to be clothes, and he would give the thing to anybody that would get him out. They said they would try. They didn’t want any such fire-extinguisher as that for their trouble, but they would try. They inspected it cautiously. They walked all around it. Then the commission-merchant laid his little finger on the top end of it. The thing snorted and reared as if it had been shot, slapped over with a bang, and became an extension-table for ten people. When they recovered from the panic, they came back. They found the commission-merchant in the corner trying to get breath enough to swear, while he rubbed his shins. Buffum had disappeared, but they knew he had not gone far. The invention appeared to have taken a fancy to him, and incorporated him into the firm, so to speak. He was down underneath, straddling one of the legs, with his head jammed into the mattress. Nobody dared to touch it. The landlady got a club and reached for its vital parts, but could not find them. She hammered her breath away; and when she got through, and dropped the club in despair, the thing spread out its arms with a gasp and a rattle, turned over twice, and slapped itself into a bed again, with Buffum peacefully among the sheets. He held his breath for a minute; and then, watching his opportunity, made a flying-leap to the floor, just in time to save himself from being a folding-screen.

A man with a black eye and cut lip told the “Wasp” editor about it yesterday. He said he owned the patent, that Buffum had been explaining to him how it worked.

From the San Francisco “Wasp.”

“MAGDALENA.”

Sat we ’neath the dark veranda, Years and years ago; And I softly pressed a hand a Deal more white than snow; And I cast aside my reina, As I gazed upon her face, And I read her “Magdalena,” While she smoothed her Spanish lace— Read her Waller’s “Magdalena”— She had Magdalena’s grace, Read her of the Spanish duel, Of the brother, courtly, cruel, Who between the British wooer And the Seville lady came: How her lover promptly slew her Brother, and then fled in shame— How he dreamed, in long years after, Of the river’s rippling laughter— Of the love he used to know, In the myrtle-curtained villa, Near the city of Sevilla, Years and years ago. Ah, how warmly was I reading, As I gazed upon her face! And my voice took tones of pleading, For I sought to win her grace. Surely, thought I, in her veins Runs some drop of foreign strains— There is something half Castilian In that lip that shames vermilion; In that mass of raven tresses, Tossing like a falcon’s jesses; In that eye with trailing lashes— And its witching upward flashes— Such, indeed, I know, Shone where Guadalquivir plashes Years and years ago. Looking in her face I read it— How the metre trips!— And the god of lovers On my happy lips— All those words of mystic sweetness Spoke I with an airy neatness, As I never had before— As I cannot speak them more— Reja, plaza and mantilla. “No palabras” and Sevilla, Caballero and sombrero, And duenna and Duero, Spada, senor, sabe Dios— Smooth as pipe of Melibœus— Ah, how very well I read it, Looking in her lovely eyes! When ’twas o’er, I looked for credit, As she softly moved to rise.

Doting dream, ah, dream fallacious— Years and years ago! For she only said, “My gracious— What a lot of French you know!” Puck.

RAKING THE MEADOW-LOT.

A HAY-TIME IDYL.

“We’ll mow,” quoth old farmer Jacobs, “the new corner medder to-day— Nell, you come an’ help with the rakin’—its right ketchin’ weather for hay; Neighbor Smith’s Jim, he’s bin to the city, an’ a new-fangled patent he’s bought; An’ he’s bound to come over this mornin’, an’ streak through that air medder-lot. He sez—an’ I tell him the kaounty ain’t able to beat him for cheek— The thing’ll do more execution than me an’ my boys in a week; But he offered so kinder perlite-like (I’ve no faith in the gimcrack—not I), I couldn’t do other than ’low him to fetch the queer critter an’ try.” Pretty Nell, skimming cream in the dairy, peeped out through the vine-shaded pane, As Jim, with “Old Roan” and “Black Billy” went clattering down through the lane; And was it the “new-fangled mower” her shy blue eyes followed? I ween From the blushes that deepened and flitted, it could not have been the machine. Prone under the lengthening shadows the feathery meadow-grass lay; The daises uncrowned in their glory, sun-smitten, slow fading away; The cardinal flower in the ditches, rose proudly, right royally dressed, And restlessly hither and hither moaned the bobolinks spoiled of their nest. Fair Nellie outrivalled the daises; and so, it was plain, thought young Jim, Or else that such dainty hay-making required much assistance from him; And if ever the lost joy of Eden came back to this earth long forgot, It came to these blissful young lovers, a raking the new meadow-lot. “What’s this that you ax for—my Nellie?—Wal, if I ain’t beat—can it be It wasn’t my hay but my darter made you mighty obleegin’ to me? You don’t desarve her, you rascal, but”—the shrewd gray eyes twinkled—“I guess— Considerin’ the help you’ll be hayin’—I s’pose—shall hev to say—yes.” Ruth Revere.

AFTER “TAPS.”

Tramp! tramp! tramp! tramp! As I lay with my blanket on, By the dim firelight, in the moonlit night, When the skirmishing fight was done. The measured beat of the sentry’s feet, With the jingling scabbard’s ring! Tramp! tramp! in my meadow-camp By the Shenandoah’s spring! The moonlight seems to shed cold beams On a row of pale grave-stones: Give the bugle breath, and that image of Death Will fly from the reveille’s tones. By each tented roof, a charger’s hoof Makes the frosty hillside ring: Give the bugle breath, and a spirit of Death To each horse’s girth will spring. Tramp! tramp! tramp! tramp! The sentry before my tent, Guards in gloom his chief, for whom Its shelter to-night is lent. I am not there. On the hillside bare I think of the ghost within; Of the brave who died at my sword-hand side, To-day, ’mid the horrible din Of shot and shell, and the infantry yell, As we charged with the sabre drawn. To my heart I said, “Who shall be the dead In my tent at another dawn?” I thought of a blossoming almond-tree, The stateliest tree that I know; Of a golden bowl; of a parted soul; And a lamp that is burning low. Oh, thoughts that kill! I thought of the hill In the far-off Jura chain; Of the two, the three, o’er the wide salt sea, Whose hearts would break with pain; Of my pride and joy—my eldest boy; Of my darling, the second—in years; Of Willie, whose face with its pure, mild grace, Melts memory into tears; Of their mother, my bride, by the Alpine lake’s side, And the angels asleep in her arms; Love, Beauty, and Truth, which she brought to my youth, In that sweet April day of her charms. “Halt! Who comes there?” The cold midnight air, And the challenging word, chills me through: The ghost of a fear whispers, close to my ear, “Is peril, love, coming to you?” The hoarse answer, “Relief,” makes the shade of a grief Die away, with the step on the sod. A kiss melts in air, while a tear and a prayer Confide my beloved to God. Tramp! tramp! tramp! tramp! With a solemn pendulum-swing! Though I slumber all night, the fire burns bright, And my sentinels’ scabbards ring.

“Boot and saddle!” is sounding. Our pulses are bounding. “To horse!” and I touch with my heel Black Gray in the flanks, and ride down the ranks, With my heart, like my sabre, of steel. Horace Binney Sargent.

INDIAN NAMES.

Ye say they all have passed away— That noble race and brave; That their light canoes have vanished From off the crested wave; That, ’mid the forests where they roamed, There rings no hunter’s shout; But their name is on your waters— Ye may not wash it out. ’Tis where Ontario’s billow, Like ocean’s surge is curled; Where strong Niagara’s thunders wake The echo of the world; Where red Missouri bringeth Rich tribute from the west, And Rappahannock sweetly sleeps On green Virginia’s breast. Ye say their cone-like cabins, That clustered o’er the vale, Have fled away like withered leaves Before the Autumn’s gale; But their memory liveth on your hills. Their baptism on your shore: Your everlasting rivers speak Their dialect of yore. Old Massachusetts wears it Upon her lordly crown, And broad Ohio bears it Amid his young renown; Connecticut hath wreathed it Where her quiet foliage waves, And bold Kentucky breathes it hoarse Through all her ancient caves. Wachusett hides its lingering voice Within his rocky heart, And Alleghany graves its tone Throughout his lofty chart; Monadnock on his forehead hoar Doth seal the sacred trust; Your mountains build their monument, Though ye destroy their dust. Ye call these red-browed brethren The insects of an hour: Crushed like the noteless worm amid The regions of their power, Ye drive them from their fathers’ lands, Ye break of faith the seal; But can ye from the Court of Heaven Exclude their last appeal? Ye see their unresisting tribes, With toilsome steps and slow, On through the trackless desert pass, A caravan of woe: Think ye the Eternal Ear is deaf? His sleepless vision dim? Think ye the soul’s blood may not cry From that far land to him? L. H. Sigourney.

HE NEVER TOLD A LIE.

I saw him standing in the crowd— A comely youth and fair! There was a brightness in his eye, A glory in his hair! I saw his comrades gaze on him— His comrades standing by. I heard them whisper each to each, “He never told a lie!” I looked in wonder on that boy, As he stood there so young: To think that never an untruth Was uttered by his tongue. I thought of all the boys I’d known,— Myself among the fry,— And knew of none that one could say, “He never told a lie!” I gazed upon that youth with awe That did enchain me long: I had not seen a boy before So perfect and so strong. And with something of regret I wished that he was I, So they might look at me and say, “He never told a lie!” I thought of questions very hard For boys to answer right: “How did you tear those pantaloons?” “My son! what caused the fight?” “Who left the gate ajar last night?” “Who bit the pumpkin-pie?” What boy could answer all of these, And never tell a lie? I proudly took him by the hand— My words with praise were rife; I blessed that boy who never told A falsehood in his life; I told him I was proud of him— A fellow standing by, Informed me that that boy was dumb Who never told a lie!

A LESSON TO LOVERS.

She, with a milk-pail on her arm, Turns aside with her young cheeks glowing, And sees down the lane, the slow, dull tread Of the drove of cows that are homeward going. “Bessie,” he said: at the sound she turned, Her blue eyes full of childish wonder: “My mother is feeble and lame and old— I need a wife at my farmhouse yonder. “My heart is lonely, my home is drear: I need your presence ever near me. Will you be my guardian angel, dear, Queen of my household, to guide and cheer me?” “It has a pleasant sound,” she said,— “A household queen, a guiding spirit, To warm your heart, and cheer your home, And keep the sunshine ever near it: But I am only a simple child, So my mother says in her daily chiding; And what must a guardian angel do When she first begins her work of guiding?” “Well, first, dear Bessie, a smiling face Is dearer far than the rarest beauty; And my mother, fretful, lame, and old, Will require a daughter’s loving duty. You will see to her flannels, drops, and tea, And talk with her of lungs and liver: Give her your cheerful service, dear— The Lord he loveth a cheerful giver. “You will see that my breakfast is piping hot, And rub the clothes to a snowy whiteness; Make golden butter and snowy rolls, And polish things to a shining brightness; Will darn my stockings, and mend my coats, And see that the buttons are sewed on tightly: You will keep things cheerful and neat and sweet, That home’s altar-fires may still burn brightly. “You will read me at evening the daily news, The tedious winter nights beguiling, And never forget that the sweetest face Is a cheerful face that’s always smiling. In short, you’ll arrange in a general way For a sort of sublunary heaven; For home, dear Bessie, say what we may, Is the highest sphere to a woman given.” The lark sang out to the bending sky, The bobolink piped in the nodding rushes, And out of the tossing clover-blooms Came the sweet, clear song of the meadow-thrushes. And Bessie, listening, paused a while, Then said, with a sly glance at her neighbor, “But John—do you mean—that is to say, What shall I get for all this labor? “To be nurse, companion, and servant girl, To make home’s altar-fires burn brightly; To wash and iron and scrub and cook, And always be cheerful, neat, and sprightly; To give up liberty, home, and friends, Nay, even the name of a mother’s giving,— To do all this for one’s board and clothes, Why, the life of an angel isn’t worth living!” And Bessie gayly went her way Down through the fields of scented clover, But never again since that summer day Has she won a glance from her rustic lover. The lark sings out to the bending sky, The clouds sail on as white as ever; The clovers toss in the summer wind, But Bessie has lost that chance forever.

GRANT’S STRATEGY.

Who had thought, until Grant said it, that the crisis comes in battle when both armies are nearly exhausted, and that usually the one wins which attacks first? When did he ever fail to attack first? Who had thought, until he suggested it, that the trouble with the Potomac army, the pride of the nation, was, that it had not fought its battles through? Who then living has forgotten the utter downfall of hope, the absolute despair throughout the North, as the moan from the Wilderness came rolling up on the southern breeze? Is the task hopeless? Is this last mighty effort only more disastrous than that of McClellan, of Pope, of Burnside, of Hooker? No! listen to the assurance, “I’ll fight it out on this line if it takes all summer.” Every loyal heart in the land is inspired. That telegram to the President was the death-knell of rebellion.

But the test-hour of Grant had not yet come. Meade was glorious, Sherman magnificent; but Sigel is routed, Butler has not succeeded, Banks utterly failed. Shall Grant unloose his grip? Never! Was it, then, less than the inspiration of genius? Sheridan, take the Sixth Corps, and clean out the valley so a “crow must take his rations when he flies over it.” Meade, absorb the army of the James, and never let Lee escape. Sherman, march to the sea as a cyclone of devastation. Thomas, play with Hood until you draw him to destruction. Stoneman, take your bold riders across the mountains, into Virginia and the Carolinas, right across every line of supply to the enemy. Wilson, push your twelve thousand mounted men into the heart of Alabama. Canby, capture Mobile.

Such was the new combination, audacious in strategy beyond precedent; but, if faulty in any respect, military critics have not discovered it. Its perfection, and the result of the execution, stamp it forever with the insignia of genius. Masterly tactics, brilliant manœuvring, bold fighting, though essential to success after the combinations have produced the strategical situation, yet rarely cure material defect in the latter. If cured at all, it is generally by blunders of the enemy. Lee and Johnston, as defensive generals, were not blunderers. I pity the man who, in the face of the record, attacks General Grant as a master of grand strategy. I need not speak of his tactics. I believe mankind are agreed, that the history of war discloses no display of tactical skill and vigor superior to Grant’s about Vicksburg, and from the 3d to the 9th of April, 1865, being directed to prevent General Lee’s attempted escape from Petersburg and junction with Johnston in North Carolina. The annals of other wars seem tame when read by the side of the story of that week’s work. It resulted in the despatch to Secretary Stanton, so simple and modest in language, yet the most momentous of all history: “General Lee surrendered the army of Northern Virginia this afternoon on terms proposed by myself.” The work was done, and how completely done,—done precisely as planned; not an element, not a vestige, of luck in it. Every army was at the precise place designed, with the exact work accomplished that was marked out for it. Method, plan, design, exclude the idea of luck. Let us in humble reverence say, as the truth was, the God of nations blessed General Grant in his awful undertaking.

Judge Veazey.

A “LOVE” GAME.

Shall we take a stroll together, You and I, And discuss the charming weather, This July, Or the picnics and the dances, And those sweet but short romances, Which, like other idle fancies, Pass and die? Yes, ’tis true that things have happened Since we met,— Since I saw you first with cap and Gay rosette, Standing like some well-drilled soldier, Only calmer and—well—bolder, With a racket on your shoulder, At the net; And your face lit up with laughter Through it all, Little feet went tripping after Every ball, While the look of bright reliance Which bespoke a pert defiance Of all manly wiles and science, I recall. ’Twas a glance that struck dire terror To my heart, And proved source of many an error In my art; Yet in truth I felt not humbled, Though my partner growled and grumbled, As I slid and slipped and stumbled Through my part. You still remember, though so trifling. What I said As we left the lawn, too stifling, For the shade; And as, moved by glance magnetic Of your eyes, I waxed prophetic, While you smiled back sympathetic, Calm and staid? Is it wise, then, to remember Golden hours,— Recall June in December Such as ours? All the hopes that have miscarried— What! too long, you say, you’ve tarried, And your husband—Then you’re married! Gracious powers! T. Malcolm Watson

AN OLD MAN’S PRAYER.

In the loftiest room, of princely state, Of a modern palace grand and great, Whose marble front is a symbol true Of the inner splendors hid from view, On an autumn night, when wild without The bold winds held their revel rout, Rudely assailing the passing throng, Through churchyards creeping with mournful song, A group was gathered around a board Heaped with all that wealth could afford, Or taste could suggest: dishes costly and rare, Fruits of all climes and all seasons, were there. The pendent lights in brilliance danced On the gleaming plate their rays enhanced; The massive mirrors thrice displayed The stately banquet there arrayed. Furniture carved by an artist hand, Carpets which only great wealth could command, Curtains of damask, of lace, and of gold, Spoke of the splendors wealth could unfold, And filled with a joy and a pleasure rare The youthful hearts that were gathered there. Slender each form, and fair each face, Of the twelve gay lads which that table grace, As with genial talk and pleasant jest They banter each other, and cheer their guest. For one guest is there, as youthful as they, With a heart as light, and a voice as gay, Who laughs at their jests with ready glee, And whose quick returns speak a spirit free,— An honored guest; for, on the morrow, They must part with him in pain and sorrow. The glittering emblems his shoulders bear Bid him for strife and for peril prepare; Bid him go forth at his Country’s call, With her banner to triumph, or on it to fall. A moment’s pause, as with ready hand The waiter hurries, at command, To clear the table, and, instead Of the rich, choice viands thickly spread, Ranges dark bottles and cruses, which show Marks of long years in damp vaults below. The richest juices age can display Are quickly spread in tempting array. Wines of Bordeaux and Seville are there, With liquors and cordials sparkling and rare; And bottles are opened, and glasses are filled. When all in a moment the tumult is stilled, As he who presides with dignified grace High raises his goblet, and stands in his place:— “I give you, friends, no warrior’s name Your hearts to thrill, your blood to flame; No toast to beauty shall my lips repeat, Where we to-night in sacred friendship meet To part with one, who, in our boyhood’s days, Earnest and true, won all our love and praise; Who, on the morrow, plays the hero’s part, And seeks the battle with a loyal heart. His health I give with an earnest prayer, That, while on his mission of peril and care, Success may be his, and, by deeds renowned, He may meet us again with laurels crowned.” All glasses are raised, when a gentle hand Is heard at the door—all silent stand As it slowly opens, and into the light An old man steps, his features bright: The long white hairs o’er his shoulders stream, Like silver threads in the warm rays beam. Wrinkled his brow, and pale his face, Wasted his form, and tottering his pace, Shrunken his cheek; but the eye above Tells of gentleness, kindliness, love. And silent stand all as he slowly seeks A place near the table, and gently speaks:— “Young men, but a moment I check your mirth, And bring you back to the common earth. Unbidden I come with an old man’s prayer: May it seek your hearts, and gain entrance there! Look on my face, seamed, not with crime, But with marks of age before their time: These long white hairs should not have shown Till ten more years had by me flown. Age is upon me; not age by years, But age by sorrow and care and tears; Not age that cheers as it draweth near Yon heaven which seemeth more bright and clear, But age which causes the heart to lag In its onward course, and the spirit to flag; That prays for death as but a release From earthly care, and finds no peace In that sweet belief that at last I hail,— ‘There is rest for the weary beyond the vale.’ For to me has come a spirit of light, Bringing the morning, and chasing the night; Causing my heart with joy to swell To my Maker, ‘who doeth all things well.’ You shall hear my story: ’twill not be long, And may guard you all from sin and from wrong. I had wealth and plenty in goodly lands, In houses and cattle; and from my hands Many were fed; and many were they Who partook of my charity day by day. My house was open to stranger and friend; And my gold did I lavishly, freely spend. But one bitter curse did my wealth uprear To poison my life,—the tempter here, The sparkling demon, which now I see From all your glasses glaring on me,— A monster who steals on its prey so slow, That it has your life before you know Or dream of its power: this was the curse That sat at my fireside, robbed my purse, Poisoned my life, and left me to be A drifting log on the world’s wide sea, Ruined and bankrupt, lost and bereft; No kindred, no fortune, no treasure, left. Treasure!—yes; for I had three sons, The hope of my life,—three noble ones. You shall hear their fate, and then I’ll away, Nor longer your hour of pleasure delay. “One sought as a merchant hopeful to clear Our tarnished name, to again uprear Our shattered house; but, sad to say, The curse of the wine-cup was in his way. He seized on it madly, drank deep and fast, And sank to the drunkard’s grave at last. I stood by his side as with frenzy wild He cursed himself and his wife and child; He cursed me too, as the one who had led His feet in the path that drunkards tread; And then—it was worse than all beside— He cursed his Maker; and then—he died! “Another, with spirit that loved to brave, Sought a bold, free life on the ocean-wave. He left my side full of life and health, In a good stanch ship, in search of wealth. A twelvemonth passed, and day by day I scanned for his sail the distant bay. At last I saw it, and eagerly flew To welcome my boy so manly and true. But, alas! he was gone: no son to greet My waiting heart came with eager feet. But they told me there,—one stormy night, When the heavens were filled with angry light, The waves rolled high, and the winds beat wild, That out on a frail yard went my child; He had drunk deep, and ’twas fearful to sweep On that slender spar o’er the seething deep; That one heavy sea tossed the ship like a toy, And hurled from his hold my darling boy. Then I sank me down in agony wild, And glared on the waves that rolled over my child: I gazed until in the waters blue I saw reflected the brilliant hue Of one lone star, which, high above, Seemed to speak to my heart of faith and love; And I thought, as I turned my eyes to its light, It beckoned me on to the heavens so bright, Where I know, whenever this life shall cease, I shall meet my boy in eternal peace. “I had but one left; and him I taught To shun each sinful word and thought; To beware of the wine-cup’s demon lure, That would steel his heart, and his soul obscure. He took the way of life that leads To the sacred desk where the preacher pleads, And placed his foot on the pulpit stair, The gospel—banner of life—to bear. When the cannon’s boom o’er Sumter broke, And the air was filled with traitorous smoke; When brave men sprang with willing hearts To their Country’s flag to repel the darts Which treason had hurled with malice wild At the life of the mother, so good and mild,— My boy stepped down from the preacher’s stand, And started forth, with life in hand, To sell it dear, but to battle strong With the loyal North against fearful wrong. I know that he carries a magic spell ’Gainst the curse of our race to guard him well; And I know, should he fall, his death will be In the foremost ranks of loyalty. And now, young men, an old man’s prayer:— Leave the bright wine in your glasses there; Shun its allurements; for in its deep red Is the blood of its victims dying and dead. Fill up your glasses, and pledge your friend In the crystal stream that Heaven doth send.” With a lowly bow, and the same meek air, He has passed the door, and adown the stair; While those he has left to their leader turn With downcast eyes, and cheeks that burn. Silent he stands as his glass he takes, When the guest of the evening the silence breaks. “Friends of my boyhood, the old man’s prayer Shall meet a response in the heart I wear. I come to-night from a mother’s side: She watches my life with a parent’s pride; And I know ’tis the dearest wish of her heart, In camp and in battle to keep me apart From sin and temptation; unceasing will pray Heaven’s blessing to guard on my perilous way. And this pledge will I leave her,—never again The wine-cup’s deadly poison to drain. So, friends, let’s drink to our meeting again: My drink is the water, free from all stain.” He stood with his upraised glass, and the light Full on his fair young brow beamed bright,— That brow which an anxious mother would kiss With a pure, deep feeling of heartfelt bliss; And along the line of his comrades young, To honor his toast, each hand upsprung: In not one glass did the red wine gleam; But all were filled from the crystal stream. On the morrow, adown the street, With trumpet’s blast and war-drum’s beat, Firm and erect, with martial tread, The flag of their Country overhead, With brave, stout hearts, and patriot-song, The Nation’s heroes go marching along. And our soldier is there, marching forth To join the bands of the loyal North; To strike a blow for his Country dear, And her trailing flag to again uprear. Light is his heart; his faith is strong; Bright gleams his sword as he moves along: But the armor he wears that shall serve him best Is the pledge to his mother guarding his breast. George M. Baker.

THE LEAK IN THE DIKE.

A STORY OF HOLLAND.

The good dame looked from her cottage At the close of the pleasant day, And cheerily called to her little son Outside the door at play,— “Come, Peter, come! I want you to go, While there is light to see, To the hut of the blind old man who lives Across the dike, for me; And take these cakes I made for him— They are hot and smoking yet: You have time enough to go and come Before the sun is set.” Then the good-wife turned to her labor, Humming a simple song, And thought of her husband, working hard At the sluices all day long; And set the turf a-blazing, And brought the coarse black bread, That he might find a fire at night, And find the table spread. And Peter left the brother, With whom all day he had played, And the sister who had watched their sports In the willow’s tender shade, And told them they’d see him back before They saw a star in sight, Though he wouldn’t be afraid to go In the very darkest night! For he was a brave, bright fellow, With eye and conscience clear; He could do whatever a boy might do, And he had not learned to fear. Why, he wouldn’t have robbed a bird’s nest, Nor brought a stork to harm, Though never a law in Holland Had stood to stay his arm! And now, with his face all glowing, And eyes as bright as the day With the thoughts of his pleasant errand, He trudged along the way; And soon his joyous prattle Made glad a lonesome place— Alas! if only the blind old man Could have seen that happy face! Yet he somehow caught the brightness Which his voice and presence lent, And he felt the sunshine come and go As Peter came and went. And now, as the day was sinking, And the winds began to rise, The mother looked from her door again. Shading her anxious eyes, And saw the shadows deepen, And birds to their homes come back, But never a sign of Peter Along the level track. But she said, “He will come at morning, So I need not fret or grieve; Though it isn’t like my boy at all To stay without my leave.” But where was the child delaying? On the homeward way was he, And across the dike, while the sun was up An hour above the sea. He was stopping, now to gather flowers, Now listening to the sound, As the angry waters dashed themselves Against their narrow bound. “Ah! well for us,” said Peter; “That the gates are good and strong, And my father tends them carefully, Or they would not hold you long! You’re a wicked sea,” said Peter: “I know why you fret and chafe; You would like to spoil our lands and homes But our sluices keep you safe!” But hark! Through the noise of waters Comes a low, clear, trickling sound; And the child’s face pales with terror, And his blossoms drop to the ground. He is up the bank in a moment, And, stealing through the sand, He sees a stream not yet so large As his slender, childish hand. ’Tis a leak in the dike! He is but a boy, Unused to fearful scenes; But, young as he is, he has learned to know The dreadful thing that means. A leak in the dike! The stoutest heart Grows faint that cry to hear, And the bravest man in all the land Turns white with mortal fear. For he knows the smallest leak may grow To a flood in a single night, And he knows the strength of the cruel sea When loosed in its angry might. And the boy! He has seen the danger, And, shouting a wild alarm, He forces back the weight of the sea With the strength of his single arm. He listens for the joyful sound Of a footstep passing nigh, And lays his ear to the ground, to catch The answer to his cry. And he hears the rough winds blowing, And the waters rise and fall, But never an answer comes to him, Save the echo of his call. He sees no hope, no succor; His feeble voice is lost; Yet what shall he do but watch and wait, Though he perish at his post! So, faintly calling and crying Till the sun is under the sea, Crying and moaning till the stars Come out for company, He thinks of his brother and sister, Asleep in their safe warm bed; He thinks of his father and mother, Of himself as dying—and dead; And of how, when the night is over, They must come and find him at last: But he never thinks he can leave the place Where duty holds him fast. The good dame in the cottage Is up and astir with the light, For the thought of her little Peter Has been with her all night. And now she watches the pathway, As yestereve she had done; But what does she see so strange and black Against the rising sun? Her neighbors are bearing between them Something straight to her door: Her child is coming home, but not As he ever came before! “He is dead!” she cries; “my darling!” And the startled father hears, And comes and looks the way she looks, And fears the thing she fears: Till a glad shout from the bearers Thrills the stricken man and wife— “Give thanks, for your son has saved our land, And God has saved his life!” So, there in the morning sunshine They knelt about the boy; And every head was bared and bent In tearful, reverent joy. ’Tis many a year since then; but still, When the sea roars like a flood, Their boys are taught what a boy can do Who is brave and true and good. For every man in that country Takes his son by the hand, And tells him of little Peter, Whose courage saved the land. They have many a valiant hero Remembered through the years, But never one whose name so oft Is named with loving tears. And his deed shall be sung by the cradle, And told the child on the knee, So long as the dikes of Holland Divide the land from the sea! Phœbe Cary.

THE “COURSE OF LOVE” TOO “SMOOTH.”

She came tripping from the church-door, her face flushed by emotions awakened by the just uttered discourse, and eyes bright with loving expectation. He shivered on the curbstone, where for an hour he had waited impatiently, with a burning heart fairly palpitating in his throat, and frozen fingers in his pockets. They linked arms, and started for the residence of her parents. After a few moments’ hesitating, silence, he said, “Jane, we have known each other long. You must know just how I feel. You must have seen that clear down at the bottom—O Moses!”

He had slipped down on the ice with so much force that his spine was driven up into his hat, and his hat was tipped over his nose; but she was a tender-hearted girl; she did not laugh, but she carefully helped him to his feet, and said,—

“You were saying, John, when you slipped, that the foundation—Oh, goodness!”

She slipped herself that time, and saw little stars come down to dance before her eyes; but he pulled her up in haste, and went on,—

“Yes; just as I said, clean down at the bottom of my heart is a fervent love, on which I build my hopes. That love has helped me stand and face—Thunder!”

He was down again, but scrambled up before she could stoop to help him; and she said, breathlessly,—

“Yes, yes, John. You remember you just said a love which helped you stand and face thunder. And that you founded your hopes on—This pesky ice!”

There she sat. John grasped the loose part of her sack, between the shoulders, with one hand, and raised her to her feet, as one would lift a kitten from a pail of water by the back of the neck. Then he said, with increased earnestness,—

“Of course, darling; and I have longed for a opportunity to tell my love, and to hear those sweet lips whisper—Whoop!”

Somehow John’s feet had slipped from under him, and he had come down like a capital V with his head and feet pointing skyward. She twined her taper fingers in his curling locks, and raised him to the stature of a man, set his hat firmly over his eyes with both hands, and cried, in breathless haste,—

“I understand! and let me assure you John, that if it is in my power to lighten your cares, and make lighter your journey through life to—Jerusalem!”

John stood alone, and said with breathless vehemence,—“O my precious! and thus shall it be my lifelong pleasure to lift you from the rude assaults of earth, and surround you with the loving atmosphere of—Texas!”

And there they both sat together. They had nearly reached the gate, and, hand in hand, and with hearts overflowing with the bliss of young love’s first confession, they crept along on their knees up to the front steps, and were soon forgetful of their bumps on the softest cushion of the parlor sofa.

DYIN’ VORDS OF ISAAC.

Vhen Shicago vas a leedle villages, dher lifed dherein py dot Clark Sdhreet out, a shentlemans who got some names like Isaacs; he geeb a cloting store, mit goots dot vit you yoost der same like dhey vas made. Isaacs vas a goot fellers, und makes goot pishness on his hause. Vell, thrade got besser as der time he vas come, und dose leetle shtore vas not so pig enuff like anudder shtore, und pooty gwick he locks out und leaves der pblace.

Now Yacob Schloffenheimer vas a shmard feller; und he dinks of he dook der olt shtore, he got good pishness, und dose olt coostomers von Isaac out. Von tay dhere comes a shentlemans on his store, und Yacob quick say of der mans, “How you vas, mein freund? you like to look of mine goots, aind it?”—“Nein,” der mans say. “Vell, mein freund, it makes me notting troubles to show dot goots.”—“Nein; I don’d vood buy sometings to-tay”—“Yoost come mit me vonce, mein freund, und I show you sometings, und so hellup me gracious, I don’d ask you to buy dot goods.”—“Vell, I told you vat it vas. I don’d vood look at some tings yoost now; I keebs a livery shtable; und I likes to see mein old freund Mister Isaacs, und I came von Kaintucky out to see him once.”—“Mister Isaacs? Vell, dot ish pad; I vas sorry von dot. I dells you, mein freund, Mister Isaacs he vas died. He vas mein brudder, und he vas not mit us eny more. Yoost vhen he vas on his deat-ped, und vas dyin’, he says of me, ‘Yacob,’ (dot ish mine names), und I goes me ofer mit his petside, und he poods his hands of mine, und he says of me, ‘Yacob’ ofer a man he shall come von Kaintucky out, mit ret hair, und mit plue eyes, Yacob, sell him dings cheab;’ und he lay ofer und died his last.”

Anonymous.

NO!

No sun—no moon— No morn—no noon— No dawn—no dusk—no proper time of day— No sky—no earthly view— No distance looking blue— No road—no street—no “t’other side the way”— No end to any Row— No indications where the crescents go— No top to any steeple— No recognition of familiar people— No courtesies for showing ’em— No knowing ’em— No travelling at all—no locomotion— No inkling of the way—no notion— No go, by land or ocean! No mail—no post— No news from any foreign coast— No park—no ring—no afternoon gentility— No company—no nobility— No warmth—no cheerfulness, no healthful ease— No comfortable feel in any member— No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds, November! Hood.

THE MENAGERIE.

Did you ever? No, I never! Mercy on us, what a smell! Don’t be frightened, Johnny dear! Gracious! how the jackalls yell. Mother, tell me what’s the man Doing with that pole of his? Bless your little precious heart, He’s stirring up the beastesses! Children, don’t you go so near! Heving’s! there’s the Afric cowses What’s the matter with the child? Why, the monkey’s, tore his trousers! Here’s the monstrous elephant— I’m all a-tremble at the sight; See his monstrous toothpick, boys! Wonder if he’s fastened tight? There’s the lion! see his tail! How he drags it on the floor! Sakes alive! I’m awful scared To hear the horrid creatures roar! Here’s the monkeys in their cage, Wide awake you are to see ’em; Funny, ain’t it? How would you Like to have a tail and be ’em? Johnny, darling, that’s the bear That tore the naughty boys to pieces! Horned cattle! only hear How the dreadful camel wheezes! That’s the tall giraffe, my boy, Who stoops to hear the morning lark; ’Twas him who waded Noah’s flood, And scorned the refuge of the ark. Here’s the crane—the awkward bird! Strong his neck is as a whaler’s; And his bill is full as long As ever met one from the tailor’s. Look! just see the zebra there, Standing safe behind the bars; Goodness me! how like a flag, All except the corner stars! There’s the bell! the birds and beasts Now are going to be fed; So, my little darlings, come, It’s time for you to be abed. “Mother, ’tisn’t nine o’clock! You said we needn’t go before; Let us stay a little while— Want to see the monkeys more!” Cries the showman, “Turn ’em out! Dim the lights! there, that will do; Come again to-morrow, boys; Bring your little sister, too.” Exit mother, half distraught, Exit father, muttering “Bore!” Exit children blubbering still, “Want to see the monkeys more!” J. Honeywell.

BIDDY’S PHILOSOPHY.

What would I do if you was dead? And when do you think of dying? I’d stand by your bed, and hold your head, And cry, or pretind to be crying! There’s many a worser man nor you— If one knew where to find him— And mebbe many a better, too, With money to leave behind him! But you, if I was dying to-day, (I saw you now when you kissed her!) I tell you, Pat, what you’d be at— You’d marry your widdy’s sister! You’d make an illigant corpse, indade, Sleeping so sound and stiddy; If you could see yourself as you laid, You’d want to come back to Biddy! You would be dressed in your Sunday best, As tidy as I could make you, With a sprig of something on your breast, And the boys would come to wake you. But you, if I was dead in your stead, (Do you think I never missed her?) I tell you, Pat, what you’d be at— You’d marry your widdy’s sister! The undertaker would drive the hearse That has the big black feather; If there was no money left in your purse, Your friends would club together. They’d look at your cold remains before They followed you down to the ferry, And the coaches standing at the door Would go to the cemetery. But you, if I was once in the box, (I wonder her lips don’t blister!) I tell you, Pat, what you’d be at— You’d marry your widdy’s sister! When you was under the sod I’d sigh, And—if I could do without you— Mebbe I’ve a strapping lad in my eye Would come here and talk about you. A little courtin’ would be divertin’, A kind voice whispering “Biddy!” And a kiss on the sly—for what’s the hurt in A man consoling a widdy? But you, before I was dead at all, (Now don’t deny that you kissed her!) I tell you, Pat, what you’d be at— You’d marry your widdy’s sister! R. H. Stoddard.

ON THE SHORES OF TENNESSEE.

“Move my arm-chair, faithful Pompey, In the sunshine bright and strong, For this world is fading, Pompey— Massa won’t be with you long; And I fain would hear the south wind Bring once more the sound to me, Of the wavelets softly breaking On the shores of Tennessee. “Mournful though the ripples murmur, As they still the story tell, How no vessels float the banner That I’ve loved so long and well, I shall listen to their music, Dreaming that again I see Stars and strips on sloop and shallop Sailing up the Tennessee; “And, Pompey, while old Massa’s waiting For Death’s last despatch to come, If that exiled starry banner Should come proudly sailing home, You shall greet it, slave no longer— Voice and hand shall both be free That shout and point to Union colors On the waves of Tennessee.” “Massa’s berry kind to Pompey; But old darkey’s happy here, Where he’s tended corn and cotton For dese many a long gone year. Over yonder Missis’ sleeping— No one tends her grave like me: Mebbe she would miss the flowers She used to love in Tennessee.” “’Pears like, she was watching Massa— If Pompey should beside him stay, Mebbe she’d remember better How for him she used to pray; Telling him that way up yonder White as snow his soul would be, If he served the Lord of heaven While he lived in Tennessee.” Silently the tears were rolling Down the poor old dusky face, As he stepped behind his master, In his long accustomed place. Then a silence fell around them, As they gazed on rock and tree Pictured in the placid waters Of the rolling Tennessee,— Master, dreaming of the battle Where he fought by Marion’s side, When he bid the haughty Tarleton Stoop his lordly crest of pride,— Man, remembering how yon sleeper Once he held upon his knee, Ere she loved the gallant soldier, Ralph Vervair of Tennessee. Still the south wind fondly lingers ’Mid the veteran’s silver hair; Still the bondman close beside him Stands behind the old arm-chair, With his dark-hued hand uplifted, Shading eyes, he bends to see Where the woodland, boldly jutting, Turns aside the Tennessee. Thus he watches cloud-born shadows Glide from tree to mountain crest, Softly creeping, aye and ever To the river’s yielding breast. Ha! above the foliage yonder Something flutters wild and free! “Massa! Massa! Hallelujah! The flag’s come back to Tennessee!” “Pompey, hold me on your shoulder; Help me stand on foot once more, That I may salute the colors As they pass my cabin door. Here’s the paper signed that frees you; Give a freeman’s shout with me— ‘God and Union’ be our watchword Evermore in Tennessee!” Then the trembling voice grew fainter, And the limbs refused to stand; One prayer to Jesus—and the soldier Glided to the better land. When the flag went down the river, Man and master both were free; While the ring-dove’s note was mingled With the rippling Tennessee. E. L. Beers.

PADDY’S DREAM.

I have often laughed at the way an Irish help we had at Barnstable once fished me for a glass of whiskey. One morning he says to me, “Oh, yer honor,” says he, “I had a great drame last night intirely! I dramed I was in Rome, tho’ how I got there is more than I can tell: but there I was, sure enough; and as in duty bound, what does I do but go and see the Pope. Well, it was a long journey, and it was late when I got there—too late for the likes of me; and when I got to the palace I saw priests and bishops and cardinals, and all the great dignitaries of the Church, a-coming out; and sais one of them to me, ‘How are ye, Pat Moloney?’ sais he; ‘and that spalpeen yer father, bad luck to him! how is he?’ It startled me to hear me own name so suddent, that it came mighty nigh waking me up, it did. Sais I, ‘Your riverence, how in the world did ye know that Pat Moloney was me name, let alone that of me father?’—‘Why, ye blackguard!’ sais he, ‘I knew ye since ye was knee-high to a goose, and I knew yer mother afore ye was born.’—‘It’s good right yer honor has then to know me,’ sais I.—‘Bad manners to ye!’ sais he; ‘what is it ye are afther doing here at this time o’night?’—‘To see his Holiness, the Pope,’ sais I. ‘That’s right,’ sais he; ‘pass on, but leave yer impudence with yer hat and shoes at the door.’ Well, I was shown into a mighty fine room where his Holiness was, and down I went on me knees. ‘Rise up, Pat Moloney,’ sais his Holiness; ‘ye’re a broth of a boy to come all the way from Ireland to do yer duty to me; and it’s dutiful children ye are, every mother’s son of ye. What will ye have to drink, Pat?’ (The greater a man is, the more of a rael gintleman he is, yer honor, and the more condescending.) ‘What will ye have to drink, Pat?’ sais he. ‘A glass of whiskey, yer Holiness,’ sais I, ‘if it’s all the same to ye.’—‘Shall it be hot, or cold?’ sais he. ‘Hot,’ sais I, ‘if it’s all the same, and gives ye no trouble.’—‘Hot it shall be,’ sais he; ‘but as I have dismissed all me servants for the night, I’ll just step down below for the tay-kettle;’ and wid that he left the room, and was gone for a long time; and jist as he came to the door again he knocked so loud the noise woke me up, and, be jabers! I missed me whiskey entirely! Bedad, if I had only had the sense to say ‘Nate, yer Holiness,’ I’d a had me whiskey sure enough, and never known it warn’t all true, instead of a drame.” I knew what he wanted, so I poured him out a glass. “Won’t it do as well now, Pat?” said I. “Indeed it will, yer honor,” says he, “and me drame will come true, after all. I thought it would; for it was mighty nateral at the time, all but the whiskey.”

Anonymous.

LESSONS IN COOKERY.

Miss Cicely Jones is just home from boarding-school, and engaged to be married; and, as she knows nothing about cooking or housework, is going to take a few lessons in culinary art to fit her for the new station in life which she is expected to adorn with housewifely grace. She certainly makes a charming picture as she stands in the kitchen-door, draped in a chintz apron prettily trimmed with bows of ribbon, her bangs hidden under a Dolly-Varden cap, old kid gloves, while she sways to and fro on her dainty French-kid heels, like some graceful wind-blown flower.

“Mamma,” she lisped prettily, “please introduce me to your assistant.”

Whereupon, mamma says, “Bridget, this is your young lady, Miss Cicely, who wants to learn the name and use of every thing in the kitchen, and how to make cocoanut rusks and angels’ food, before she goes to housekeeping for herself.”

Bridget gives a snort of disfavor; but, as she looks at the young lady, relents, and says, “I’ll throy.”

“And now, Bridget dear,” says Miss Cicely, when they were alone, “tell me every thing. You see, I don’t know any thing, except what they did at school; and isn’t this old kitchen lovely? What makes this ceiling such a beautiful bronze color, Bridget?”

“Shmoke,” answers Bridget shortly; “and me ould eyes are put out with that same.”

“Shmoke—I must remember that; and, Bridget, what are those shiny things on the wall?”

“Kivers?—tin kivers for pots and kittles.”

“Kivers?—oh, yes; I must look for the derivation of that word. Bridget, what are those round things in the basket?”

“Praties! (For the Lord’s sake where hez ye lived niver to hear of praties?) Why, them’s the principal mate of Ireland, where I kim from.”

“Oh! but we have corrupted the name into potatoes; such a shame not to keep the idiom of a language! Bridget—do you mind if I call you Biddie? It is more euphonious, and modernizes the old classic appellation. What is this liquid in the pan here?”

“Och, murder! Where wuz ye raised? That’s millick, fresh from the cow.”

“Millick? That is the vernacular, I suppose, of milk; and that thick, yellow coating?”

“Is crame. (Lord, such ignorance!)”

“Crame! Now, Biddie, dear, I must get to work. I’m going to make a cake all out of my own head for Henry—he’s my lover, Biddie—to eat when he comes to-night.”

Bridget [aside]: “It’s dead he is, sure, if he ates it!”

“I’ve got it all down here, Biddie, on my tablet: A pound of butter, twenty eggs, two pounds of sugar, salt to your taste. No, that’s a mistake. Oh, here it is! Now, Biddie, the eggs first. It says to beat them well; but won’t that break the shells?”

“Well, I’d break thim this time if I were you, Miss Cicely; they might not set well on Mister Henry’s stummack if ye didn’t,” said Bridget pleasantly.

“Oh! I suppose the shells are used separately. There! I’ve broken all the eggs into the flour. I don’t think I’ll use the shells, Biddie; give them to some poor people. Now, what next? Oh, I’m so tired! Isn’t housework dreadful hard? But I’m glad I’ve learned to make cake. Now, what shall I do next, Biddie?”

“Excuse me, Miss Cicely, but you might give it to the pigs. It’s meself can’t see any other use for it,” said Bridget, very crustily.

“Pigs! O Biddie! you don’t mean to say that you have some dear, cunning little white pigs! Oh, do bring the little darlings in and let me feed them! I’m just dying to have one for a pet! I saw some canton-flannel ones once at a fair, and they were too awfully sweet for any thing.”

Just then the bell rang, and Bridget returned to announce Mr. Henry; and Cicely told Bridget she would take another lesson the next day: and then she went up-stairs in her chintz apron and mob-cap, with a little dab of flour on her tip-lifted nose, and told Henry she was learning to cook; and he told her she must not be overheated, or worried out, for he didn’t care whether she could cook or not: he should never want to eat when he could talk to her, and it was only sordid souls that cared for cooking.

And, meanwhile, poor Bridget was just slamming things in the kitchen, and talking to herself in her own sweet idiom about “idgits turning things upside down for her inconvaniencing.”

Detroit Free Press.

PAT’S REASON.

One day, in a crowded Market-street car, A lady was standing. She had ridden quite far, And seemed much disposed to indulge in a frown, As nobody offered to let her sit down. And many there sat, who, to judge by their dress, Might a gentleman’s natural instincts possess; But who, judged by their acts, make as firmly believe That appearances often will sadly deceive. There were some most intently devouring the news, And some, through the windows, enjoying the views; And others indulged in a make-believe nap, While the lady stood holding on by the strap. At last a young Irishman, fresh from the “sod,” Arose with a smile and most comical nod, Which said quite as plain as in words could be stated, That the lady should sit in the place he’d vacated. “Excuse me,” said Pat, “that I caused you to wait So long before offerin’ to give you a sate; But in truth I was only just waitin’ to see If there wasn’t more gintlemin here beside me.”

AN ORIGINAL IDEA.

A DUOLOGUE FOR A LADY AND GENTLEMAN IN TWO PARTS.

CHARACTERS.

Festus, a rejected suitor. Stella, the cruel rejecter.

Scene.—A handsomely furnished apartment in the house of Stella. Table, c., with rich cover, books, flowers, etc. Tête-à-tête, r. c., arm-chairs, r. and l. of table, c. Entrances, r., l., and c.

Enter Festus, l., in evening costume.

Festus. “Thus far into the bowels of the land have we marched on without impediment.” Here am I once more in the place from which, but one short week ago, I made an unceremonious exit as the rejected suitor of a young, lovely, and talented lady. Rejected suitor!—those words slip very smoothly from the lips, as pleasantly as though they were associated with some high-sounding title of nobility. There is nothing in the sound of them to conjure up the miserable, mean, contemptible, kicked-out feeling which a man experiences who has received at the hands of lovely woman that specimen of feminine handicraft—the mitten. All my own fault, too! I’m a bashful man. Modesty, the virtue which is said to have been “the ruination of Ireland,” is the rock against which my soaring ambition has dashed itself. I have sat in this room, evening after evening, upon the edge of a chair, twirling my thumbs, and saying—nothing. I couldn’t help it. I have brought scores of compliments to the door, and left them in the hall with my hat. I wanted to speak; I kept up “a deuce of a thinking;” but somehow, when I had an agreeable speech ready to pop out of my mouth, it seemed to be frightened at the sight of the fair object against whom it was to be launched, and tumbled back again. It’s no use: when a man is in love, the more he loves, the more silent he becomes; at least it was so in my case. And when I did manage, after much stammering and blushing, to “pop the question,” the first word from the lady set me shivering; and the conclusion of her remarks set me running from the house utterly demoralized,—“I shall always be happy to see you as a friend, your conversation is so agreeable.” Here was a damper, after six weeks of unremitting though silent attention. But she likes me, I’m sure of that. It is my silence which has frightened her. I only need a little more variety in my style of conversation to make myself agreeable to her. I have an original idea; and I advise all bashful men to take warning from my past experience, and profit by my future. I will borrow language in which to speak my passion. There’s nothing very original in borrowing, financially speaking; but to borrow another man’s ideas by which to make love, I call original. And, as luck would have it, I have an excellent opportunity to test my new idea. Lounging in the sanctum of my friend Quill, the editor of “The Postscript,” a few days ago, he called my attention to an advertisement which had just been presented for insertion. It ran thus: “Wanted, a reader,—a gentleman who has studied poetic and dramatic compositions with a view to delivery, who has a good voice, and who would be willing to give one evening a week to the entertaining of an invalid. Address, with references, ‘Stella,’ Postscript Office.” I recognized the handwriting as that of the lady to whom I had been paying attentions, the signature as the nom de plume under which she had written several poetic contributions for the press; and I had no trouble in guessing the meaning of the advertisement, knowing she has an invalid uncle. “There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.” I felt that it was high tide with me, and boldly launched my canoe; answered the advertisement under the assumed name of “Festus,” and waited for a reply. It came: “Stella is satisfied with the references of Festus, and will give him an opportunity to test his ability as a reader Tuesday evening next,”[2] etc. You will naturally conclude that my heart bounded with rapture on receiving this favorable answer. It did nothing of the sort: on the contrary, the rebound almost took away my breath. I began to shiver and shake, and felt inclined to retreat. But “love conquers all things.” I determined to persevere; and here I am, by appointment, to test the practicability of my original idea. The lady is a fine reader. I am well acquainted with her favorite authors; and, if I can but interest her in this novel suit, may at least pass a pleasant evening if I am not unspeakably happy. I was told to wait for Stella. (Takes a book from table, and sits l. of table, with his back to r.) Shakspeare, ah! Let me draw a little courage from the perusal of this. (Enter Stella, r., in evening costume, with flowers in her hair.)

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