List of Illustrations

Cover Frontispiece Titlepage They Danced the Can-Can Air Was Filled With Dog, and Pa, And Rockets Stoper, Says Pa, I’ve Got a Whale Ma Appears on the Scene Pa on the Run The Bad Boy and his Girl Helen Damnation The Gun Just Rared up Then Everything Was Ready Hell’s-fire, What You Boys Doin In the Wrong Room A New Way to Take Seidlitz Powders Too Late, Pa, I Die at the Hand of an Assassin Just As I Am Special Providences for a Bad Boy Pa Grabbed Her by the Polonaise Happy New Year Mum Pa’s Fire Escape

DETAILED CONTENTS:

CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER I. THE BOY WITH A LAME BACK—THE BOY COULDN’T SIT DOWN—A PRACTICAL JOKE ON THE OLD MAN—A LETTER FROM “DAISY “—GUARDING THE FOUR CORNERS—THE OLD MAN IS UNUSUALLY GENEROUS—MA ASKS AWKWARD QUESTIONS—THE BOY TALKED TO WITH A BED SLAT—NO ENCOURAGEMENT FOR A BOY

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER II. THE BOY AT WORK AGAIN—THE BEST BOYS FULL OF TRICKS—THE OLD MAN LAYS DOWN THE LAW ABOUT JOKES—RUBBER HOSE MACARONI—THE OLD MAS’s STRUGGLES—CHEWING VIGOROUSLY BUT IN VAIN—AN INQUEST HELD—REVELRY BY NIGHT—MUSIC IN THE WOODSHED—“‘twas ever thus.”

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER III. THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS PA AWAY—PA IS A HARD CITIZEN—DRINKING SOZODONT—MAKING UP THE SPARE BED—THE MIDNIGHT WAR DANCE—AN APPOINTMENT BY THE COAL-BIN.

CHAPTER IV.

CHAPTER IV. THE BAD BOY’S FOURTH OF JULY.—PA IS A POINTER, NOT A SETTER—SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY—A GRAND SUPPLY OF FIREWORKS—THE EXPLOSION—THE AIR FULL OF PA AND DOG AND ROCKETS—THE NEW HELL—A SCENE THAT BEGGARS DESCRIPTION.

CHAPTER V.

CHAPTER V. THE BAD BOY’S MA COMES HOME.—DEVILTRY, ONLY A LITTLE FUN—THE BAD BOY’S CHUM—A LADY’S WARDROBE IN THE OLD MAN’S ROOM—MA’s UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL—WHERE IS THE HUZZY?—DAMFINO!—THE BAD BOY WANTS TO TRAVEL WITH A CIRCUS

CHAPTER VI.

CHAPTER VI. HIS PA IS A DARN COWARD—HIS PA HAS BEEN A MAJOR—HOW HE WOULD DEAL WITH BURGLARS—HIS BRAVERY PUT TO THE TEST—THE ICE REVOLVER—HIS PA BEGINS TO PRAY—TELLS WHERE THE CHANGE IS—“PLEASE MR. BURGLAR SPARE A POOR MAN’S LIFE!”—MA WAKES UP—THE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM RUN—FISH-POLE SAUCE—MA WOULD MAKE A GOOD CHIEF OF POLICE

CHAPTER VII.

CHAPTER VII. HIS PA GETS A BITE.—“HIS PA GETS TOO MUCH WATER”—THE DOCTOR’S DISAGREE—HOW TO SPOIL BOYS—HIS PA GOES TO PEWAUKEE IN SEARCH OF HIS SON—ANXIOUS TO FISH—“STOPER, I’VE GOT A WHALE!”—OVERBOARD—HIS PA IS SAVED—A DOLLAR FOR HIS PANTS.

CHAPTER VIII.

CHAPTER VIII. HE IS TOO HEALTHY—AN EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE AND A BLACK EYE—HE IS ARRESTED—OCONOMOWOC FOR HEALTH—HIS PA. IS AN OLD MASHER—DANCED TILL THE COWS CAME HOME—THE GIRL FROM THE SUNNY SOUTH—THE BAD BOY IS SENT HOME

CHAPTER IX.

CHAPTER IX. HIS PA HAS GOT ’EM AGAIN.—HIS PA IS DRINKING HARD—HE HAS BECOME A TERROR—A JUMPING DOG——THE OLD MAN IS SHAMEFULLY ASSAULTED—“THIS IS A HELLISH CLIMATE MY BOY!”—HIS PA SWEARS OFF—HIS MA STILL SNEEZING AT LAKE SUPERIOR

CHAPTER X.

CHAPTER X. HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGION—THE BAD BOY GOES TO SUNDAY SCHOOL—PROMISES REFORMATION—THE OLD MAN ON TRIAL FOR SIX MONTHS—WHAT MA THINKS—ANTS IN PA’S LIVER-PAD—THE OLD MAN IN CHURCH—RELIGION IS ONE THING, ANTS ANOTHER

CHAPTER XI.

CHAPTER XI. HIS PA TAKES A TRICK—JAMAICA RUM AND CARDS—THE BAD BOY POSSESSED OF A DEVIL—THE KIND DEACON—AT PRAYER-MEETING—THE OLD MAN TELLS HIS EXPERIENCE—THE FLYING CARDS—THE PRAYER-MEETING SUDDENLY CLOSED

CHAPTER XII.

CHAPTER XII. HIS PA GETS PULLED—THE OLD MAN STUDIES THE BIBLE—DANIEL IN THE LIONS’ DEN—THE MULE AND THE MULE’S FATHER—MURDER IN THE THIRD WARD—THE OLD MAN ARRESTED—THE OLD MAN FANS THE DUST OUT OF HIS SON’S PANTS

CHAPTER XIII.

CHAPTER XIII. HIS PA GOES TO THE EXPOSITION—THE BAD BOY ACTS AS GUIDE—THE CIRCUS STORY—THE OLD MAN WANTS TO SIT DOWN—TRIES TO EAT PANCAKES—DRINKS SOME MINERAL WATER—THE OLD MAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH A WAX WOMAN—A POLICEMAN INTERFERES—THE LIGHTS GO OUT—THE GROCERY MAN DON’T WANT A CLERK

CHAPTER XIV.

CHAPTER XIV. HIS PA CATCHES ON—TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN THE BATHROOM—RELIGION CAKES THE OLD MAN’S BREAST—THE BAD BOY’S CHUM DRESSED UP AS A GIRL—THE OLD MAN DELUDED—THE COUPLE START FOR THE COURT HOUSE PARK—HIS MA APPEARS ON THE SCENE—“IF YOU LOVE ME, KISS ME?”—MA TO THE RESCUE—“I AM DEAD AM I?”—HIS PA THROWS A CHAIR THROUGH THE TRANSOM

CHAPTER XV.

CHAPTER XV. HIS PA AT THE RE-UNION—THE OLD MAN IN MILITARY SPLENDOR—TELLS HOW HE MOWED DOWN THE REBELS—“I AND GRANT”—WHAT IS A SUTLER.—TEN DOLLARS FOR PICKLES!—“LET US HANG HIM!”—THE OLD MAN ON THE RUN—HE STANDS UP TO SUPPER—THE BAD BOY IS TO DIE AT SUNSET

CHAPTER XVI.

CHAPTER XVI. THE BAD BOY IN LOVE—ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?—NO GETTING TO HEAVEN ON SMALL POTATOES—THE BAD BOY HAS TO CHEW COBS—MA SAYS IT’S GOOD FOR A BOY TO BE IN LOVE—LOVE WEAKENS THE BAD BOY—HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET MARRIED?—MAD DOG—NEVER EAT ICE CREAM

CHAPTER XVII.

CHAPTER XVII. HIS PA FIGHTS HORNETS—THE OLD MAN LOOKS BAD—THE WOODS OF WAUWATOSA—THE OLD MAN TAKES A NAP—“HELEN DAMNATION!”—“HELL IS OUT FOR NOON.”—THE LIVER MEDICINE—ITS WONDERFUL EFFECTS—THE BAD BOY IS DRUNK—GIVE ME A LEMON!—A SIGHT OF THE COMET!—THE HIRED GIRL’S RELIGION

CHAPTER XVIII.

CHAPTER XVIII. HIS PA GOES HUNTING—MUTILATED JAW—THE OLD MAN HAS TAKEN TO SWEARING AGAIN—OUT WEST, DUCK SHOOTING—-HIS COAT TAIL SHOT OFF—SHOOTS AT A WILD GOOSE—THE GUN KICKS!—THROWS A CHAIR AT HIS SON—THE ASTONISHED SHE-DEACON

CHAPTER XIX.

CHAPTER XIX. HIS PA IS “NISHIATED”—ARE YOU A MASON?—NO HARM TO PLAY AT LODGE—WHY GOATS ARE KEPT IN STABLES—THE BAD BOY GETS THE GOAT UPSTAIRS—THE GRAND DUMPER DEGREE—KYAN PEPPER ON THE GOAT’S BEARD—“BRING FORTH THE ROYAL BUMPER”—THE GOAT ON THE RAMPAGE

CHAPTER XX.

CHAPTER XX. HIS GIRL GOES BACK ON HIM. THE GROCERY MAN IS AFRAID—BUT THE BAD BOY IS A WRECK—“MY GIRL, HAS SHOOK ME!”—THE BAD BOY’S HEART IS BROKEN—STILL HE ENJOYS A BIT OF FUN—COD LIVER OIL ON THE PANCAKES—THE HIRED GIRLS MADE VICTIMS—THE BAD BOY VOWS VENGEANCE ON HIS GIRL AND THE TELEGRAPH MESSENGER

CHAPTER XXI.

CHAPTER XXI. HE AND HIS PA IN CHICAGO—NOTHING LIKE TRAVELING TO GIVE TONE—LAUGHING IN THE WRONG PLACE—A DIABOLICAL PLOT—-HIS PA ARRESTED AS A KIDNAPPER—-THE NUMBERS ON THE DOORS CHANGED—THE WRONG ROOM—“NOTHIN’ THE MAZZER WITH ME, PET!”—THE TELL-TALE HAT

CHAPTER XXII.

CHAPTER XXII. HIS PA IS DISCOURAGED—“I AIN’T NO JONER!”—THE STORY OF THE ANCIENT PROPHET—THE SUNDAY SCHOOL FOLKS GO BACK ON THE BAD BOY:—CAGED CATS—A COMMITTEE MEETING—A REMARKABLE CATASTROPHE!—“THAT BOY BEATS HELL!”—BASTING THE BAD BOY—THE HOT WATER IN THE SPONGE TRICK

CHAPTER XXIII.

CHAPTER XXIII. HE BECOMES A DRUGGIST—“I HAVE GONE INTO BUSINESS!”—-A NEW ROSE-GERANIUM PERFUME—-THE BAD BOY IN A DRUGGIST’S STORE—PRACTICING ON HIS PA—THE EXPLOSION—THE SEIDLETZ POWDER—HIS PA’S FREQUENT PAINS—POUNDING INDIA-RUBBER—CURING A WART

CHAPTER XXIV.

CHAPTER XXIV. HE QUITS THE DRUG BUSINESS. HE HAS DISSOLVED WITH THE DRUGGER—THE OLD LADY AND THE GIN—THE BAD BOY IGNOMINIOUSLY FIRED—HOW HE DOSED HIS PA’S BRANDY—THE BAD BOY AS “HAWTY AS A DOOK!”—HE GETS EVEN WITH HIS GIRL—-THE BAD BOY WANTS A QUIET PLACE—THE OLD MAN THREATENS THE PARSON

CHAPTER XXV.

CHAPTER XXV. HIS PA KILLS HIM—A GENIUS AT WHISTLING—A FUR-LINED CLOAK A CURE CURE FOR CONSUMPTION—ANOTHER LETTER SENT TO THE OLD MAN—HE RESOLVES ON IMMEDIATE PUNISHMENT—THE BLADDER-BUFFER—THE EXPLOSION—A TRAGIC SCENE—HIS PA VOWS TO REFORM

CHAPTER XXVI.

CHAPTER XXVI. HIS PA MORTIFIED—SEARCHING FOR SEWER GAS—THE POWERFUL ODOR OF LIMBURGER CHEESE AT CHURCH—THE AFTER MEETING—FUMIGATING THE HOUSE—THE BAD BOY RESOLVES TO BOARD AT AN HOTEL.

CHAPTER XXVII.

CHAPTER XXVII. HIS PA BROKE UP—THE BAD BOY DON’T THINK THE GROCER FIT FOR HEAVEN—HE IS VERY SEVERE ON HIS OLD FRIEND—THE NEED OF A NEW REVISED EDITION—THE BAD BOY TURNS REVISER—HIS PA REACHES FOR THE POKER—A SPECIAL PROVIDENCE—THE SLED SLEWED!—HIS PA UNDER THE MULES

CHAPTER XXVIII.

CHAPTER XXVIII. HIS PA GOES SKATING—THE BAD BOY CARVES A TURKEY—HIS PA’S FAME AS A SKATER—THE OLD MAN ESSAYS TO SKATE ON ROLLERS—HIS WILD CAPERS—HE SPREADS HIMSELF—-HOLIDAYS A CONDEMNED NUISANCER—THE BAD BOY’S CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

CHAPTER XXIX.

CHAPTER XXIX. HIS PA GOES CALLING—HIS PA STARTS FORTH—A PICTURE OF THE OLD MAN “FULL”—POLITENESS AT A WINTER PICNIC—ASSAULTED BY SANDBAGGERS—RESOLVED TO DRINK NO MORE COFFEE—A GIRL FULL OF “AIG NOGG”

CHAPTER XXX.

CHAPTER XXX. HIS PA DISSECTED—THE MISERIES OF THE MUMPS—NO PICKLES, THANK YOU—ONE MORE EFFORT To REFORM THE OLD MAN—THE BAD BOY PLAYS MEDICAL STUDENT—PROCEEDS TO DISSECT HIS PA—“GENTLEMEN, I AM NOT DEAD!”—SAVED FROM THE SCALPEL—“NO MORE WHISKY FOR YOU.”

CHAPTER XXXI.

CHAPTER XXXI. HIS PA JOINS A TEMPERANCE SOCIETY—THE GROCERY MAN SYMPATHISES WITH THE OLD MAN—WARNS THE BAD BOY THAT HE MAY HAVE A STEP-FATHER!—THE BAD BOY SCORNS THE IDEA—INTRODUCES HIS PA TO THE GRAND “WORTHY DUKE!”—THE SOLEMN OATH—THE BRAND PLUCKED FROM THE BURNING

CHAPTER XXXII.

CHAPTER XXXII. HIS PA’S MARVELOUS ESCAPE—THE GROCERY MAN HAS NO VASELINE—THE OLD MAN PROVIDES THREE FIRE ESCAPES—ONE OF THE ESCAPES TESTED—HIS PA SCANDALIZES THE CHURCH—“SHE’S A DARLING!”—WORLDLY MUSIC IN THE COURTS OF ZION

CHAPTER XXXIII.

CHAPTER XXXIII. HIS PA JOKES HIM—THE BAD BOY CAUGHT AT LAST—HOW TO GROW A MOUSTACHE—TAR AND CAYENNE PEPPER—THE GROCERY MAN’S FATE IS SEALED—FATHER AND SON JOIN IN A PRACTICAL JOKE—SOFT SOAP ON THE STEPS—DOWNFALL OF MINISTERS AND DEACONS—“MA TO THE RESCUE!”—THE BAD BOY GETS EVEN WITH HIS PA

CHAPTER XXXIV.

CHAPTER XXXIV. HIS PA GETS MAD—A ROOM IN COURT-PLASTER—THE BAD BOY DECLINES BEING MAULED!—THE OLD MAN GETS A HOT BOX—THE BAD BOY BORROWS A CAT!—THE BATTLE!—“HELEN BLAZES!”—THE CAT VICTORIOUS!—THE BAD BOY DRAWS THE LINE AT KINDLING WOOD!

CHAPTER XXXV.

CHAPTER XXXV. HIS PA AN INVENTOR—THE BAD BOY A MARTYR—THE DOG-COLLAR IN THE SAUSAGE—A PATENT STOVE—THE PATENT TESTED!—HIS PA A BURNT OFFERING—EARLY BREAKFAST!

CHAPTER XXXVI.

HIS PA GETS BOXED—PARROT FOR SALE—THE OLD MAN IS DOWN ON THE GROCER—“A CONTRITE HEART BEATS A BOB-TAILED FLUSH!”—POLLY’S RESPONSES—CAN A PARROT GO TO HELL?—THE OLD MAN GETS ANOTHER BLACK EYE—DUFFY HITS FOR KEEPS!—NOTHING LIKE AN OYSTER FOR A BLACK EYE