THE GENTLE CRAFT
Reading edition
(By Our Own Trout)
How gentle is the fisherman who sits beside the brook, And firmly puts the wriggling worm upon the pointed hook How pleasant for the hapless trout to find, from some strange cause, The fly conceals a something that makes havoc with its jaws! Dame Juliana Berners wrote a book, in which she said The blessing of St. Peter rests upon the angler's head; She bid him not be "ravenous in taking game,"—I wish She'd ever asked if he deserved the blessings of the fish. We were a happy family, as merry as could be, "Diversified with crimson stains," as Pope has said. Ah me! There came the cruel fisherman, his flies had deadly gleam, And not a soul remains but me to mourn within the stream. What recked my little troutlets of the Palmers, Spinners, Duns, They headlong rushed, and then got caught, my innocent young sons! They're cooked—excuse an old trout's tear!—but hard it is to feel A monster's ta'en your family for matutinal meal. The "honest angler," Walton, cried, and maundered night and day, But Byron puts the matter in a very different way; He said that Isaac should have hook fixed firmly "in his gullet," And oh! that I might be the trout that he suggests should pull it.
Brown (enthusiastic angler, who has brought his friend and guest out for a "delightful day's fishing"). "Confound it! I've left them—I say, old chap, got any flies with you?"
Jones (not enthusiastic, and a non-smoker, wearily). "Flies!!!"
CATS WHO CATCH CAN
Uncle George, just returned from a morning's fishing, recounts how he landed some of the "most magnificent trout ever taken in these waters," and his audience anticipate much satisfaction from the contents of his basket.
Meanwhile the contents of Uncle George's basket are being fully appreciated in the hall!
Lunatic (suddenly popping his head over wall). "What are you doing there?"
Brown. "Fishing."
Lunatic. "Caught anything?"
Brown. "No."
Lunatic. "How long have you been there?"
Brown. "Six hours."
Lunatic. "Come inside!"
A Gentle Hint.—Mr. Giglamps (who has been caught by keeper with some fish in his basket under taking size). "Oh—er—well, you see, fact is, my glasses—er—magnify a good deal. Make things look larger than they really are!"
Keeper (about to receive smaller tip than meets the occasion). "Ah! makes yer put down a shillin' when yer means 'alf-a-crown, sometimes, I dessay, sir!"
Paying too dear for his Whistle.—Donald. "E—h, sir, yon's a gran' fesh ye've gotten a haud o'!"
The Laird. "Oo, aye, a gran' fesh enoo, but I'd be gay an' glad if I saw my twa-and-saxpenny flee weel oot o' his mooth!"
Jones (the adventurous). "It—it's gettin' almost too d-deep, I fear, Miss Hookem!"
Miss Hookem. "Oh, please do go on! It'll be the fish of my life!"
Jones (who is not a champion swimmer). "M-mine too!"
An Acute Angler.—The judicious Hooker.
Angler's Motto.—Carpe diem. A carp a day.
The Angle of Incidence.—When you're fishing, and tumble into the water.
Walton's Life of Hooker.—Is this another name for Izaak Walton's Complete Angler?
HINTS TO BEGINNERS—SEA FISHING In fishing for conger eels, it is sometimes convenient to have a spare boat.
Returned Empty.—Old Mayfly (who had dropped his flask further down stream, and has just had it returned to him by honest rustic). "Dear me! Thank you! Thank you!" (Gives him a shilling.) "Don't know what I should ha' done without it!" (Begins to unscrew top.) "May I offer you a——"
Honest Rustic. "Well, thank y', sir, but me and my mate, not seein' a howner about, we've ta'en what there were inside."
Hints to Beginners.—When casting with a fly rod, be sure to get your line well out behind you.