CHAPTER 5. 1782. THE FALL OF LORD NORTH. (continued 2)

Warner dined here, and Storer. Mie Mie went to her Academy, so I stayed at home to keep George company. He was upon the dining table hearing Warner, Storer, and I (me) talking over this political history, with an attention and curiosity which would have charmed you, as well as the questions he asked. He looked like a little Jesu in a picture of Annibal Carraci's listening to the Doctors. He has been reading to-day speeches in Livy, with the French translation. We gave him sentences this evening to construe. It was wonderful how well he did them. The weather grows fine, and I shall desire leave to carry him back till the 25th of next month, for he is very well; the cough which (he) has is trifling. He has no heat;—he looks delightfully.

I was with Lord Gower this morning. The Chanc(ello)r dined there to-day. I talked with Lord G. about you; he has explained your situation, and I suppose has told you that arrangements will be made here to your satisfaction. I see some comfort in all this. Nous reculerons pour mieux sauter. Your return will mortify some of the Opposition, who hope to keep you a year in Ireland out of charity, to insult you, and for their convenience. Lord Carmarthen solicits this with chaleur and impatience. I believe there is in this tant soit peu de malice, et pour se venger, for he will have your Lieutenancy in the County too. He has lost himself with me entirely. A thousand traits of him have crowded upon me, which a little partiality to him had obscured.

I was asked to dine at Derby's to-day with the new Ministers; I could not accept it. Prudence forbid(s) that, as well as want of temper. What I said or did not say would have been ill interpreted, so I refused.

Charles has taken a house in Pall Mall. Sheridan is his secretary. What becomes of Hare and Richard I know not. Richard has provoked me beyond measure by his insolence and unfeelingness about everybody and everything. The Garters are for the Duke of Portland, D. Devonshire, Duke of Richmond, and one of the Princes.

My nephew, Secretary at War, and Burke, Paymaster. This was what he hoped for, I mean Tommy. The Chancellorship of the Exchequer not determined upon it (yet?). Lord John Cav(endish) balances about it. Young Burke, Secretary of the Treasury. Another ball at Devonshire House. I long to see you, Lady Carlisle, and the children. This is the only balm in all this infernal business. But vous avez un beau role a jouer, but you must have patience for the present and, as George says, wait the event. This is a plusieurs facettes. I will now go to White's for more intelligence, and write more if I can, but it is half-hour after ten.

(226) The new Cabinet. The Rockingham Ministry consisted of Lord Rockingham, First Lord of the Treasury; Lord Thurlow, Lord Chancellor; Lord John Cavendish, Chancellor of the Exchequer; Charles James Fox, Secretary for Foreign Affairs; Lord Shelburne, Secretary for the Home and Colonial Departments; Admiral Keppel, First Lord of the Admiralty; Lord Camden, President of the Council; Duke of Grafton, Lord Privy Seal; Duke of Richmond, Master of the Ordnance; Dunning (Lord Ashburton), Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster; General Conway, Commander-in-Chief; Burke (not in the cabinet), Paymaster of the Forces.

(1782,) March 29 (30?), Saturday m(orning), 8 o'clock.—I could not write last night but a few lines, but if I could, many pages would not have been sufficient, or any force of language which I possess strong enough to express all I feel from reading your letter of the 22nd instant. Although my friendship, and tenderness for what concerns you, may not be greater than that of . . . (sic) my judgment has on this occasion been, as I perceive, more corresponding with your sentiments, which I have spoke from the dictates of that pride which I can adopt on your account, but would be presumptuous on my own. I hope, in avoiding one inconvenience, that I have not fallen into another, but if I have, the mistake can be easier corrected if necessary.

When Charles has expressed to me, as he did more than once, an anxiety about your conduct, and an uneasiness lest it should be in opposition to his own, I contented myself with saying, that it was impossible for me to know what you would do, but I was in no pain about it; that if he could, as I had heard him say that he could in very strong terms, answer for your ready judgment on all occasions, so I would answer for your honour, which two things made me sure that you would always act as became you, and that, therefore, I was in no pain upon that head; that whatever might happen disagreeable to you, or to me, we were both prepared for it. And when I have expressed a curiosity concerning the disposal of offices in general, I have been sometimes taken up shortly, impertinently, and dirtily by that jackanapes, Lord D., and he has said, "Your friend will not stay in Ireland."

I have then only answered, "My Lord, my wishes are that he may not, and it is most probable that he will not desire it; but you are quite mistaken if you suppose that in these arrangements I have any anxiety or curiosity about him." All that is an object of my love and esteem is quite independent of other people's resolutions; and as for what regards myself, I am not indifferent, I own, and I shall wish to know how I may be treated by those to whose power I am delivered up, but I have never asked one question concerning it. I shall provoke no man's anger unnecessarily; it is my only solicitude to let people see that if they oblige me by good treatment, they oblige one whom they do not despise, and who has acted 'in all circumstances like a gentleman.

I have, I find, from what I have been told by the Party, the credit of having behaved better and calmer on this occasion than many of my fellow convicts. What I have felt I have felt like a man, and that I have not attempted to deprecate by pretending that I thought myself to blame. But, my dear Lord, this has been merely exterior, for at home and alone I have been greatly depressed, both on your account and on that of others. I have felt for the honour and credit, and sufferings, of a person to whom I can only be attached by principle. For the sentiment of personal affection does not arise for objects of such inequality. I do not know how to account for it, but I have had, and still have, such a share of that, as would make one think that with the air of France and with the language of the country I had imbibed all the prejudices of their education. My thoughts about your distress, and of those dear children, which seem to belong as much to me as to you and Lady C., have really affected me at times in a manner which would have exposed me anywhere out of my own room, and to anybody else but to Dr. Ekins, who knows how naturally, and justly, I feel for you,

I have in the last place been touched, as I must be, with the great difference of my own circumstances, such as they were and might have been, and such as they would be if all this impending mischief had its full effect. The loss of three thousand pounds a year, coming after debts created by imprudence, and which might otherwise have been soon liquidated, is a blow which I confess that I was not prepared for, and if I could not feel it for myself, I must have felt it for you. Born for your use, as Zanga says, I live but to oblige you, and as soon as I become unprofitable to you, I shall feel then the most sensibly, how imprudently I have acted, and how unjustly I have been dealt with. I have, as I have told you before, not had yet the courage to look upon that ledger, where I saw once so fair an account, and where I must now make myself so many rasures. Stabant tercentum nitidi in praepibus altis. I must now see myself reduced in comparison to a narrow or at least a circumscribed plan, and without a possibility of assisting one object of my affection without hurting another.

However, gloomy as the prospect has been, it may clear up, and I could, if it was right, encourage hopes and anticipate a perspective that is not unpleasing to me.

I shall see Lord G(ower)to-day, who will tell me more particularly how things have been settled since yesterday, when I was with him. It is an idea of my own that he has contrived an arrangement for you, which, while it relieves your distress, saves, I hope, your honour. I have myself as much dreaded as you could do, your being thought of as an object of mercy, and I trust that so near a relation will dread that for you, as well as myself, and that if he secures you from injustice that he will secure your credit at the same time. I have my eyes opened now upon the intrigues of a Court more than they were in all the former part of my life, and of all people I believe that I shall be the last for the future who will be the dupe of Ministers.

The new Government, for it is more that than merely a new Administration, has given me quite a new system for my own conduct. If they have by violence &c. got into places from whence I would have excluded them, if now they should behave rightly in them, and the country becomes better and safer for their conduct, it would be folly not to assist them. But I am, above all things, desirous that both your assistance and my own, such as it is, should be more wished for by them than their assistance wished for by us.

I think that you stand clear of all which can humiliate you at present. No one's conduct in every circumstance, so far as regards your administration in Ireland, can be more universally commended. You do not desert, but retire, when those who are at the helm, if they have confidence in your understanding and honour, mistrust your inclinations towards themselves, and you leave to their friends and dependants a business from which no honour can be derived.

You are not driven from your post, because they will have recalled a man manifestly more willing to leave it, than they to profit of the resignation. They would have kept you perhaps for their own sakes, although they would do nothing for yours, and they would have made you a tool, but cannot, as they know, make you a friend but by behaving well towards [you] and towards their country.

Your private circumstances, if known to be embarrassed, are known at the same time not to embarrass you. Your chop and your pewter plate will reproach others sooner than they can reflect disgrace upon yourself. The audax paupertas, however, is not necessary, but great economy is. I myself will give you an example of it, and contribute every atom in my power to ease your mind from what will most sensibly and naturally affect it. What interest in Parliament is left me shall be yours, and if my little bark, sailing in attendance upon yours, is able to assist you, I shall be happier in that circumstance than from any which I could otherwise have derived from it.

But we may perhaps all act in concord for the present. I am told, I do not [know] how true, that no hostilities are intended towards me; nous verrons. I can never be used by any set of Ministers so ill, or with such indignity, as by those who are removed. . . .(227) said last night that the executions were now near(ly) over. I will open my mind to you. I think both his and Richard's language in all this transaction has been to the last degree indecent, and I am sure, unless these two are better advised, they will do their chief more disservice than any ill-conduct of his own. When people of low birth have by great good luck and a fortunate concurrence of events been able to obtain, from lively parts only, without any acquisitions which can be useful to the public, such situations as are due only to persons of rank, weight, and character, it is surely an easy task not to be insolent. It is all I require of them; I envy no man his good fortune, ever so undeserved, while he shows no disposition to offend others. But with all this I have not been provoked enough to express my resentment, or mean enough to deprecate that of others.

(227) An erasure.

I was last night at supper with Charles, but not one syllable passed between us. He knows that I see him in a situation where I cannot wish to see any one who has aspired to it and obtained it by the means which he has used. No one admires more or thinks more justly of his abilities than I do; no one could have loved him more, if he had deserved it; what his behaviour has been to the public, to his friends, and to his family is notorious. Facts are too stubborn, and to those I appeal, and not to the testimonies of ignorant and profligate people. However, if hereafter you can reconcile yourself to him and to his behaviour towards you, I will forgive him, and although I desire to lay myself under no obligation to him, I will remember only that he is the child of those whom I loved, without interest or any return.

George wonders to see me write so much to you; he is so well that I will carry him to school on Monday, without consulting any person. . . . He has read more Latin to me than I have to him, for my breath as been affected by the cold, or I should have read more with him; but he has hammered out his Latin with the dictionary and what assistance I can give him, and construes it wonderfully well. He will be at school till the 25th of next month, and then I propose exercise abroad, and the Modern History of Europe at home, and French; for to speak the truth he is defective in the pronunciation of that, for want of practice. The Theodore's coming here obliges me to have my nieces dine here, to see her. I'm afraid people will come to see Mie Mie dance par billets.