"Frank Mildmay" (continued 6)

I went back to my inn, thinking what a very fortunate fellow I was to have such an honest, straightforward, bold British hero of a captain, on my first appointment. I ordered my dinner at the George, and then strolled out to make my purchases, and give my orders for a few articles for sea service. I fell in with several old mess-mates; they congratulated me on my promotion, and declared I should give them a dinner to wet my commission, to which I readily consented. The day was named, and Mr Billet was ordered to provide accordingly.

Having dined solus, I amused myself in writing a long letter to my dear Emily; and with the assistance of a bottle of wine succeeded in composing a tolerably warm and rapturous sort of document, which I sealed, kissed, and sent to the post-office; after which, I built castles till bed-time; but not one castle did I build in which Emily was not the sole mistress. I went to bed, and slept soundly; and the next morning, by seven o’clock, I was arrayed in a spick-span new uniform, with an immensely large epaulette stuck on my right shoulder. Having breakfasted, I sallied out, and, in my own conceit, was as handsome chap as ever buckled a sword-belt. I skimmed with a light and vigorous foot down High Street.

“Boat, your honour?” said a dozen voices at once, as I reached New Sallyport; but I was resolved that Point-Street should have a look at me as well as High Street, so I kept a profound and mysterious silence, and let the watermen follow me to the Point, just like so many sucking fish after a shark. I had two or three offers for volunteers to serve with me as I went along; but they were not of the right sex, so I did not take them.

“Boat to Spithead, your honour?” said a tough old waterman.

“Ay, you’ll do,” said I; so I jumped into his wherry, and we shoved off.

“What ship is your honour going to?” said the man.

“To the D— brig.”

“Oh, you are a-going to she, are you? To belong to her, mayhap?”

“Yes,” I replied.

The waterman gave a sigh, feathered his oar, and never spoke another word till we came alongside. I did not regret his taciturnity, for I was always more amused with my own thoughts than in conversing with illiterate people.

The brig was a most beautiful vessel. She mounted eighteen guns, and sat on the water like a duck. I perceived that the pendant was up for punishment, and this I thought rather an unusual sight at Spithead: I took it for granted that some aggravated offence, such as theft, or mutiny, had been committed. Seeing I was an officer, I was admitted alongside; so I paid the waterman, and sent him away. As I went up the side, I saw a poor fellow spread-eagled up to the grating, “according to the manners and customs of the natives,” while the captains, officers, and ship’s company stood round witnessing the athletic dexterity of a boatswain’s mate, who, by the even, deep, and parallel marks of the cat on the white back and shoulders of the patient, seemed to be perfectly master of his business. All this did not surprise me—I was used to it; but, after the address of my captain on the preceding day, I was very much surprised to hear language in direct violation of the second article of war.

Cursings and execrations poured out of his mouth with a volubility equal to that of the most accomplished lady at the back of the Point.

“Boatswain’s mate,” roared the captain, “do your duty! or by God I will have you up, and give you four dozen yourself. One would think, damn your beard, that you were brushing flies off a sleeping Venus, instead of punishing a scoundrel with a hide as thick as a buffalo’s, and be damned to him. Do your duty, sir, damn your soul.”

During this elegant address, the unhappy wretch had received four severe dozen, which the master-at-arms had counted aloud, and reported to the captain. “Another boatswain’s mate,” said he. The poor creature turned his head over his shoulders with an imploring look, but it was in vain. I watched the countenance of the captain, and the peculiar expression which I could not decipher at my first interview I now read most plainly—it was malignant cruelty, and delight in torturing his own species; he seemed to take a diabolical pleasure in the hateful operation which we were compelled to witness. The second boatswain’s mate commenced, with a fresh cat, and gave a lash across the back of the prisoner, that made me start.

“One,” said the master-at-arms, beginning to count.

“One!” roared the captain, “do you call that one? not a quarter of a one. That fellow is only fit for fly-flapper at a pork shop! I’ll disrate you, by God, you damned molly mop; is that the way you handle a cat? that’s only wiping the dirt off his back. Where’s the boatswain?”

“Here,” said a stout, gigantic, left-handed fellow, stepping forward, with a huge blue uniform coat and a plain anchor button, holding his hat in his left hand, and stroking his hair down his forehead with his right. I surveyed this man, as he turned himself about, and concluded that the tailor who worked for him had been threatened with a specimen of his art, if he stinted him in cloth; for the skirts of his coat were ample, terminating in an inclined plane, the corners in front being much lower than the middle of the robe behind; the buttons on the hips were nearly pistol-shot asunder.

“Give this man a dozen, sir,” said Captain G—; “and if you favour him, I’ll put you under arrest, and stop your liquor.”

This last part of the threat had more effect with Mr Pipes than the first. He began to peel, as the boxers call it; off came his capacious coat; a red waistcoat—full-sized for a Smithfield ox—was next deposited; then he untied a black silk handkerchief, and showed a throat, covered like that of a goat with long brown hairs, thick as packthread. He next rolled up his shirt-sleeves above his elbow, and showed an arm and a back very like the Farnese Hercules, which no doubt all my readers have seen at the foot of the staircase at Somerset House, when they had been to the exhibition.

This hopeful commentator on articles of war seized his cat: the handle was two feet long, one inch and three quarters thick; and covered with red baize. The tails of this terrific weapon were three feet long, nine in number, and each of them about the size of that line which covers the springs of a travelling carriage. Mr Pipes, whose scientific display in this part of art had no doubt procured for him the warrant of a boatswain, in virtue of which he now stood as the vindicator of the laws of his country, handled his cat like an adept, looked at it from top to bottom, cleared all the tails by the insertion of his delicate fingers, and combing them out, stretched out his left leg—for he was left-legged as well as left-handed—and measuring his distance with the accurate eye of an engineer, raised his cat high in the air with his left hand, his right still holding the tips of the tails, as if to restrain their impatience; when, giving his arm and body a full swing, embracing three-fourths of the circle, he inflicted a tremendous stroke on the back of the unfortunate culprit. This specimen seemed to satisfy the amateur captain, who nodded approbation to the inquiring look of the amateur boatswain. The poor man lost his respiration from the force of the blow; and the tails of the cat coming from an opposite direction to the first four dozen, cut the flesh diamond-wise, bringing the blood at every blow.

I will not wound the feelings of my readers with a description of the poor wretch’s situation. Even at this distance of time, I am shocked at it, and bitterly lament the painful necessity I have often been under of inflicting similar punishment; but I hope and trust I never did it without a cause, or in the wanton display of arbitrary power.

The last dozen being finished, the sum-total was reported by the master-at-arms, “Five dozen.”

“Five dozen!” repeated Captain G—; “that will do—cast him off. And now, sir,” said he to the fainting wretch, “I hope this will be a warning to you, that the next time you wish to empty your beastly mouth, you will not spit on my quarter-deck.”

“Heavens!” thought I, “is all this for spitting on the quarter-deck? And this from the moralist of yesterday, who allowed neither oaths nor execrations, and has uttered more blasphemy in the last ten minutes than I have heard for the last ten weeks!”

I had not yet caught the captain’s eye—he was too intent on his amusement. As soon as the prisoner was cast loose, he commanded to pipe down, or in other words, to dismiss the people to their usual occupations, when I went up to him, and touched my hat.

“Oh! you are come, are you? Pipe belay there—send everybody aft on the quarter-deck.”

My commission was then read—all hats off in respect to the sovereign, from whom the authority was derived. After this, I, being duly inaugurated, became the second lieutenant of the sloop; and the captain, without condescending to give me another word or look, ordered his gig to be manned, and was going on shore. I was not presented by him to any of the officers, which in common courtesy he ought to have done. This omission, however, was supplied by the first lieutenant, who invited me down into the gun-room, to introduce me to my new mess-mates. We left the tiger pacing up and down on his quarter-deck.

The first lieutenant was of the medium stature, a suitable height for a sloop of war, a spare figure, of about forty years of age; he had but one eye, and that eye was as odd a one as the captain’s. There was in it, however, unlike the captain’s, an infinite deal of humour, and when he cocked it, as he constantly did, it almost spoke. I never saw three such eyes in two such heads. There was a lurking smile in the lieutenant’s face, when I told him that the captain had desired me to come on board and read my commission, after which I might have two or three days to myself to prepare for sea.

“Well,” said he, “you had better go and ask him now; but you will find him a rum one.”

Accordingly, up I went to him. “Have you any objection to my going on shore sir?”

“Shore, sir!” bellowed he; “and who the devil is to carry on the duty, if you go on shore? Shore, eh? I wish there was no shore, and then, damn the dog that couldn’t swim! No, sir; you have had shore enough. The service is going to hell, sir! A parcel of brats, with lieutenant’s commissions before they should have been clear of the nursery! No, sir; stay on board, or damn me, I’ll break you like an egg-shell, before you have taken a shine out of that fine new epaulette! No, no, by God; no more cats here than catch mice. You stay on board, and do your duty; every man does his duty here; and let me see the — that don’t do it!”

I was in some measure prepared for this sublime harangue; but still there was sufficient room in my mind to admit of great astonishment at this sudden change of wind. I replied that he had promised me leave yesterday, and that, upon the strength of that promise, I had left all my things on shore, and that I was not in any way prepared to go to sea.

“I promised you leave, did I? Perhaps I did; but that was only to get you on board. I am up to your tricks, you damned young chaps: when you get on shore, there is no getting you off again. No, no; no catchee no havee! You would not have made your appearance these three days, if I hadn’t sugared the trap! Now I have got you, I’ll keep you, damn my eyes!”

I repeated my request to go on shore; but, without condescending to offer any further reasons, he answered—“I’d see you damned first, sir! And observe, I never admit of expostulation. Nothing affords me more pleasure than to oblige my officers in everything reasonable; but I never permit reply.”

Thought I to myself, “You certainly have escaped from hell, and I do not see how the infernal regions can do without you. You would have been one of the most ingenious tormentors of the damned. Domitian would have made you admiral, and your boatswain captain of the fleet!”

Having made this reflection, as I took a turn or two on deck, thinking what was best to be done, and knowing that “the king could do no wrong,” the officer whom I had just superseded came up the hatchway, and, touching his hat very respectfully to the captain, asked whether he might go on shore.

“You may go to hell, and be damned, sir!” said the captain (who hated bad language); “you are not fit to carry guts to a bear!—you are not worth your salt; and the sooner you are off, the cleaner the ship will be! Don’t stand staring at me, like a bull over a gate! Down, and pack up your traps, or I’ll freshen your way!” raising his foot at the same time, as if he was going to kick him.

The young officer, who was a mild, gentlemanly, and courageous youth, did as he was bidden. I was perfectly astonished: I had been accustomed to sail with gentlemen. I had heard of martinets, and disciplinarians, and foul-mouthed captains; but this outdid all I ever could have conceived, and much more than I thought ever could have been submitted to by any correct officer. Roused to indignation, and determined not to be treated in this manner, I again walked up to him, and requested leave to go on shore.

“You have had your answer, sir.”

“Yes, I have, sir,” said I, “and in language that I never before heard on His Majesty’s quarter-deck. I joined this ship as an officer and a gentleman, and as such I will be treated.”

“Mutiny, by God!” roared the captain. “Cock-a-hoop with your new commission, before the ink is dry.”

“As you please, sir,” I replied; “but I shall write a letter to the port-admiral, stating the circumstances and requesting leave of absence; and that letter I shall trouble you to forward.”

“I’ll be damned if I do!” said he.

“Then, sir,” said I, “as you have refused to forward it, and in the presence of all the officers in the ship’s company, I shall forward it without troubling you.”

This last shot of mine seemed to produce the same effect upon him that the last round does upon a beaten boxer; he did not come to time, but, muttering something, dived down the companion, and went into his cabin.

The first lieutenant now came up, and congratulated me on my victory. “You have puzzled and muzzled the bear completely,” said he; “I have long wanted a coadjutor like yourself. Wilson, who is going to leave us, is the best creature that ever lived: but though brave as a lion before an enemy, he is cowed by this incarnate devil.”

Our conversation was interrupted by a message from the captain, who desired to speak with me in his cabin. I went down; he received me with the benignant smile of our first acquaintance.

“Mr Mildmay,” said he, “I always assume a little tartness with my officers when they first join,” (“and when they quit you too,” thought I), “not only to prove to them that I am, and will be, the captain of my own ship, but also as an example to the men, who, when they see what the officers are forced to put up with, feel themselves more contented with their lot, and obey more readily; but, as I told you before, the comfort of my officers is my constant study—you are welcome to go ashore, and have twenty-four hours’ leave to collect your necessaries.”

To this harangue I made no reply; but, touching my hat, quitted the cabin I felt so much contempt for the man that I was afraid to speak, lest I should commit myself.

The captain shortly after quitted the ship, telling the first lieutenant that I had permission to go on shore. I was now left at liberty to make acquaintance with my companions in misery—and nothing conduces to intimacy so much as community of suffering. My resistance to the brutality of our common taskmaster had pleased them; they told me what a tyrant and what a disgrace to the service he was, and how shameful it was that he should be intrusted with the command of so fine a vessel, or of any vessel at all, except it were a convict ship. The stories they told me of him were almost incredible, and nothing but the too-well-founded idea that an officer trying his captain by a court-martial had a black mark against him for ever after, and was never known to rise, could have saved this man from the punishment he so richly deserved: no officer, they said, had been more than three weeks in the ship, and they were all making interest to leave her.

In my report of what occurred in this vessel during the time I belonged to her, I must, in justice to the captains and commanders of His Majesty’s navy, observe, that the case was unique of its kind: such a character as Captain G— was rarely met with in the navy then, and, for reasons which I shall give, will be still more rare in future. The first lieutenant told me that I had acted very judiciously in resisting at first his undue exertion of authority; that he was at once a tyrant, a bully, and a coward, and would be careful how he attacked me again. “But be on your guard,” said he, “he will never forgive you; and when he is most agreeable there is the most mischief to be dreaded. He will lull you into security, and whenever he can catch you tripping, he will try you by a court-martial. You had better go on shore, and settle all your business, and, if possible, be on board before your leave is out. It is only your threat of writing to the port-admiral that procured you leave of absence. You have nothing to thank him for: he would have kept you on board if he dared. I have never quitted the ship since I joined her; and never has a day passed without a scene similar to what you have this morning witnessed. And yet,” continued he, “if it were not for his cruelty to the men, he is the most amusing liar I ever heard. I am often more inclined to laugh than to be angry with him; he has a vein of wit and rich humour that runs through his composition and never quits him. There is drollery even in his malice, and, if we cannot get clear of him, we must take the best of him.”

I went on shore, collected all my clothes and the other articles of which I stood in need, and was on board my ship again the next morning before eight o’clock.

Chapter Seventeen.

He will lie sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth were a fool: drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine-drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm. Shakespeare.

When Captain G— made his appearance, he seemed to be in the most amiable humour possible. As soon as he saw me, he said, “Ah, this is what I like; never break your leave even for five minutes. Now that I see I can trust you, you may go on shore again as soon as you please.”

This speech might have done very well to any person before the mast; but as applied to an officer, I thought it rude and ungentlemanly.

The caterer had prepared lunch in the gun-room: it consisted of beef-steaks and broiled bullocks’ kidneys, with fried onions; and their savoury smell rose in grateful steams up the sky-light, and assailed the nostrils of the skipper. His facetious small-talk knew no bounds; he leaned over the frame, and looking down, said,—“I say, something devilish good going on there below!”

The hint was taken, and the first lieutenant invited him down.

“I don’t care if I do; I am rather peckish.”

So saying, he was down the hatchway in the twinkling of one of his own funny eyes, as he feared the choice bits would be gone before he could get into action. We all followed him; and as he seated himself, he said—

“I trust, gentlemen, this is not the last time I shall sit in the gun-room, and that you will all consider my cabin as your own. I love to make my officers comfortable: nothing more delightful than an harmonious ship, when every man and boy is willing to go to hell for his officers. That’s what I call good fellowship—give and take—make proper allowances for one another’s failings, and we shall be sorry when the time comes for us to part. I am afraid, however, that I shall not be long with you; for though I doat upon the brig, the Duke of N— and Lord George — have given the first Lord a damned whigging for not promoting me sooner; and between ourselves—I don’t wish it to go further—my post commission goes out with me to Barbadoes.”

The first lieutenant cocked his eye; and quick as were the motions of that eye, the captain, with a twist of one of his own, caught a glimpse of it, before it could be returned to its bearing on the central object, the beef-steaks, kidneys, and onions. But it passed off without a remark.

“A very capital steak this! I’ll trouble you for some fat and a little gravy. We’ll have some jollification when we get to sea; but we must get into blue water first; then we shall have less to do. Talking of broiling steaks—when I was in Egypt we used to broil our beef-steaks on the rocks—no occasion for fire—thermometer at 200—hot as hell! I have seen four thousand men at a time cooking for the whole army as much as twenty or thirty thousand pounds of steak at a time, all hissing and frying at once—just about noon, of course, you know—not a spark of fire! Some of the soldiers, who had been brought up as glass-blowers at Leith, swore they never saw such heat. I used to go to leeward of them for a whiff, and think of old England! Ah, that’s the country, after all, where a man may think and say what he pleases! But that sort of work did not last long, as you may suppose; their eyes were all fried out, damn me, in three or four weeks! I had been ill in my bed, for I was attached to the 72nd regiment, seventeen hundred strong—I had a party of seamen with me; but the ophthalmia made such ravages, that the whole regiment, colonel and all, went stone blind—all except one corporal! You may stare, gentlemen, but it’s very true. Well, this corporal had a precious time of it: he was obliged to lead out the whole regiment to water—he led the way, and two or three took hold of the skirts of his jacket, on each side; the skirts of these were seized again by as many more, and double the number to the last, and so all held on by one another, till they had all had a drink at the well; and, as the devil would have it, there was but one well among us all—so this corporal used to water the regiment just as a groom waters his horses; and all spreading out you know, just like the tail of a peacock.”

“Of which the corporal was the rump,” interrupted the doctor.

The captain looked grave.

“You found it warm in that country?” inquired the surgeon. “Warm!” exclaimed the captain; “I’ll tell you what, doctor, when you go where you have sent many a patient—and where, for that very reason, you certainly will go—I only hope, for your sake, and for that of your profession in general, that you will not find it quite so hot as we found it in Egypt. What do you think of nineteen of my men being killed by the concentrated rays of light falling on the barrels of the sentinels bright muskets, and setting fire to the powder? I commanded a mortar battery at Acre, and I did the French infernal mischief with the shells I used to pitch in among them when they had sat down to dinner: but how do you think the scoundrels weathered on me at last? Damn me, they trained a parcel of poodle dogs to watch the shells when they fell, and then to run and pull the fuses out with their teeth. Did you ever hear of such damned villains? By this means, they saved hundreds of men, and only lost half a dozen dogs—fact, by God; only ask Sir Sydney Smith; he’ll tell you the same, and a damned sight more.”

The volubility of his tongue was only equalled by the rapidity of his invention and his powers of mastication; for, during the whole of this entertaining monodrame, his teeth were in constant motion, like the traversing beam of a steamboat; and as he was our captain as well as our guest, he certainly took the lion’s share of the repast.

“But, I say, Soundings,” said he, addressing himself familiarly to the master, who had not been long in the vessel, “let us see what sort of stuff you have stowed the forehold with. You know I am a water-drinker; give me only the pure limpid stream, and a child may lead me. I seldom touch liquor when the water is good.” So saying, he poured out a tumbler, and held it to his nose. “Stinks like hell! I say, master, are you sure the bungs are in your casks? The cats have been contributing to the fluid. We must qualify this;” and having poured away one half of the water, which, by the by, was very good, he supplied the vacancy with rum. Then tasting it, he said, “Come, miss puss, this will rouse you out, at any rate.”

A moment’s pause, while he held the bumper before his eye, and then down it went, producing no other emotion than a deep sigh. “By the bye, that’s well thought of—we’ll have no cats in the ship (except those which the depravity of human nature unhappily compels the boatswain to use). Mr Skysail, you’ll look to that. Throw them all overboard.”

Taking his hat, he rose from the table, and mounting the ladder, “On second thought,” said he, addressing Skysail again, “I won’t throw the cats overboard; the sailors have a foolish superstition about that animal—its damned unlucky. No! put them alive in a bread-bag, and send them on shore in the bum-boat.”

Recollecting that my dinner-party at the George was to take place this day, and remembering the captain’s promise that I should go on shore whenever I pleased, I thought it only necessary to say I was going—merely passing the usual compliment to my superior. I therefore went to him, with a modest assurance, and told him of my engagement and my intention.

“Upon my honour, sir,” cried he, putting his arms akimbo, and staring me full in the face; “you have a tolerable sea-stock of modest assurance; no sooner come on board than you ask leave to go on shore again, and at the same time you have the impudence to tell me, knowing how much I abhor the vice, that you mean to wet your commission, and of course to get beastly drunk, and to make others as bad as yourself. No, sir; I’d have you to know, that as captain of this ship, and as long as I have the honour to command her, I am magister morum.”

“That is precisely what I was coming to, sir,” said I, “when you interrupted me. Knowing how difficult it is to keep young men in order, without the presence of some one whom they respect, and can look up to as an example, I was going to request the honour of your company as my guest. Nothing, in my opinion, could so effectually repress any tendency to improper indulgence.”

“There you speak like a child of my own bringing up,” replied Captain G—: “I did not give you credit for so much good sense. I am far from throwing a wet blanket over any innocent mirth. Man is man after all—give him but the bare necessaries of life, and he is no more than a dog. A little mirth on such an occasion is not only justifiable, but praiseworthy. The health of a good king like ours, God bless him! should always be drunk in good wine; and as you say the party is to be select, and the occasion the wetting of your commission, I shall have no objection to come and give away the bride; but, remember, no hard drinking—no indecorum—and I’ll do my best, not only to keep the young bloods in order, but to add my humble powers to the hilarity of the evening.”

I thanked him for his kind condescension. He then gave a few directions to Skysail, the first lieutenant, and ordering his gig to be manned, offered me a passage on shore.

This was, indeed, a mark of favour never before conferred on any officer in the ship, and all hands spontaneously turned out to see the sight. The first lieutenant cocked his eye, which was more than saying, “This is too good to last long.” However, into the boat we went, and pulled away for old Sallyport. The harbour tide rolling out, we, passed close to the buoy of the Boyne.

“Ah! well I remember that old ship; I was midshipman of her when she blew up. I was signal midshipman. I was in the act of making the signal of distress, when up I went. Damnation! I thought I never should have come down any more.”

“Indeed, sir!” said I, “I thought there had been no one on board at the time.”

“No one on board!” repeated the captain, with scorn on his upper lip, “who did you get that from?”

“I heard it from a captain I served with in America.”

“Then you may tell your captain, with my compliments, that he knew nothing at all about it. No one on board! Why, damn me, sir, the poop was crowded like a sheepfold, and all bellowing to me for help. I told them all to go to hell, and just at that moment away we all went, sure enough. I was picked up senseless, I was told somewhere in Stokes Bay, and carried to Haslar Hospital, where I was given over for three months—never spoke. At last I got well; and the first thing I did was to take a boat and go and dive down the forehold of my old ship, and swim aft to the bread-room.”

“And what did you see sir?” said I.

“Oh, nothing, except lots of human skeletons, and whitings in abundance, swimming between their ribs. I brought up my old quadrant out of the starboard wing, where I was adjusting it when the alarm was given. I found it lying on the table just where I left it. I never shall forget what a damned rap we hit the old Queen Charlotte, with our larboard broadside; every gun went slap into her, double-shotted. Damn my eyes, I suppose we diddled at least a hundred men.”

“Why, sir,” said I, “I always understood she only lost two men on that occasion.”

“Who told you that?” said Captain G—; “your old captain?”

“Yes, sir,” said I, “he was a midshipman in her.”

“He be damned,” said my skipper; “to my certain knowledge, three launch-loads of dead bodies were taken out of her, and carried to the hospital for interment.”

As the boat touched the landing-place this accomplished liar had time to take breath; and in fact I was afraid he would have exhausted his stock of lies before dinner, and kept nothing for the dessert. When we landed, he went to his old quarters at the Star and Garter, and I to the George. I reminded him at parting that six o’clock was my hour.

“Never fear me,” said he.

I collected my company previous to his arrival, and told my friends that it was my determination to make him drunk, and that they must assist me, which they promised to do. Having once placed him in that predicament, I was quite sure I should stop his future discourses in favour of temperance. My companions, perfectly aware of the sort of man they had to deal with, treated him on his entrance with the most flattering marks of respect. I introduced them all to him in the most formal manner, taking them to him, one by one, just as we are presented at court—to compare great things with small. His good humour was at its highest spring tide; the honour of drinking wine with him was separately and respectfully asked, and most condescendingly granted to every person at the table.

“Capital salmon this,” said the captain; “where does Billet get it from? By the bye, talking of that, did you ever hear of the pickled salmon in Scotland?”

We all replied in the affirmative.

“Oh, you don’t take. Damn it, I don’t mean dead pickled salmon; I mean live pickled salmon, swimming about in tanks, as merry as grigs, and as hungry as rats.”

We all expressed our astonishment at this, and declared we never heard of it before.

“I thought not,” said he, “for it has only lately been introduced into this country, by a particular friend of mine, Dr Mac— I cannot just now remember his damned jaw-breaking Scotch name; he was a great chymist and geologist, and all that sort of thing—a clever fellow, I can tell you, though you may laugh. Well, this fellow, sir, took nature by the heels and capsized her, as we say. I have a strong idea that he had sold himself to the devil. Well, what does he do, but he catches salmon and puts them into tanks, and every day added more and more salt, till the water was as thick as gruel, and the fish could hardly wag their tails in it. Then he threw in whole peppercorns, half a dozen pounds at a time, till there was enough. Then he began to dilute with vinegar, until his pickle was complete. The fish did not half like it at first; but habit is everything, and when he showed me his tank, they were swimming about as merry as a shoal of dace; he fed them with fennel, chopped small, and black peppercorns. ‘Come, doctor,’ says I, ‘I trust no man upon tick; if I don’t taste, I won’t believe my own eyes, though I can believe my tongue.’” (We looked at each other). “‘That you shall do in a minute,’ says he; so he whipped one of them out with a landing-net; and when I stuck my knife into him, the pickle ran out of his body like wine out of a claret bottle, and I ate at least two pounds of the rascal, while he flapped his tail in my face. I never tasted such salmon as that. Worth your while to go to Scotland, if its only for the sake of eating, live pickled salmon. I’ll give you a letter, any of you, to my friend. He’ll be damned glad to see you; and then you may convince yourselves. Take my word for it, if once you eat salmon that way, you will never eat it any other.”

We all said we thought that very likely.

The champagne corks flew as fast and as loud as his shells at Acre; but we were particularly reserved, depending entirely on his tongue for our amusement; and, finding the breeze of conversation beginning to freshen, I artfully turned the subject to Egypt, by asking one of my friends to demolish a pyramid of jelly, which stood before him, and to send some of it to the captain.

This was enough: he began with Egypt, and went on increasing in the number and magnitude of his lies, in proportion as we applauded them. A short-hand writer ought to have been there, for no human memory could do justice to this modern Munchausen. “Talking of the water of the Nile,” said he, “I remember when I was first lieutenant of the Bellerophon, I went into Minorca with only six tons of water, and in four hours we had three hundred and fifty tons on board, all stowed away. I made all hands work. The admiral himself was up to the neck in water, with the rest of them. ‘Damn it, admiral,’ says I, ‘no skulking.’ Well, we sailed the next day; and such a gale of wind I never saw in all my life—away went all our masts, and we had nearly been swamped with the weather-roll. One of the boats was blown off the booms, and went clean out of sight before it touched the water. You may laugh at that, but that was nothing to the Swallow sloop of war. She was in company with us; she wanted to scud for it, but by Jupiter, she was blown two miles up the country—guns, men, and all; and the next morning they found her flying jib-boom had gone through the church window, and slap into the cheek of the picture of the Virgin Mary. The natives all swore it was done on purpose by damned heretics. The captain was forced to arm his men, and march them all down to the beach, giving the ship up to the people, who were so exasperated that they set her on fire, and never thought of the powder which was on board. All the priests were in their robes, singing some stuff or another, to purify the church; but that was so much time thrown away, for in one moment away went church, priests, pictures, and people, all to the devil together.”

Here he indulged himself in some vile language and scurrilous abuse of religion and its ministers. All priests were hypocritical scoundrels. If he was to be of any religion at all, he said, he should prefer being a Roman Catholic, “because, then, you know,” added he, “a man may sin as much as he likes, and rub off as he goes for a few shillings. I got my commission by religion, damn me, I found my old admiral was a psalm-singer; so, says I, ‘my old boy, I’ll give you enough of that;’ so I made the boatswain stuff me a hassock, and this I carried with me everywhere, that I might save my trousers and not hurt my knees; so then I turned to and prayed all day long, and kept the people awake singing psalms all night. I knelt down and prayed on the quarter-deck, main deck, and lower deck. I preached to the men in the tiers when they coiled the cables, and groaned loud and deep when I heard an oath. The thing took—the admiral, said I was the right sort, and he made a commander out of the greatest atheist in the ship. No sooner did I get hold of the sheepskin, than to the devil I pitched hassock and Bible.”

How long he might have gone on with this farrago, it is difficult to say; but we were getting tired of him, so we passed the bottle till he left off narrative, and took to friendship.

“Now I say (hiccup), you Frank, you are a devilish good fellow; but that one-eyed son of a gun, I’ll try him by a court-martial, the first time I catch him drunk; I’ll hang him at the yard-arm, and you shall be my first lieutenant and custos-rottorum, damn me. Only you come and tell me the first time he is disguised in liquor, and I’ll settle him, damn his cock eye—a saucy, Polyphemus-looking son of a—(hiccup) a Whitechapel bird-catcher.”

Here his recollection failed him; he began to talk to himself, and to confound me with the first lieutenant.

“I’ll teach him to write to port-admirals for leave—son of a sea cook.”

He was now drawing to the finale, and began to sing:—

“The cook of the huffy got drunk, Fell down the fore-scuttle, and Broke his gin bottle.”

Here his head fell back, he tumbled off his chair, and lay motionless on the carpet.

Having previously determined not to let him be exposed in the streets in that state, I had provided a bed for him at the inn; and ringing the bell, I ordered the waiter to carry him to it. Having seen him safely deposited, untied his neckcloth, took off his boots, and raised his head a little, we left him, and returned to the table, where we finished our evening in great comfort, but without any other instance of intoxication.

The next morning, I waited on him. He seemed much annoyed at seeing me, supposing I meant, by my presence, to rebuke him for his intemperance; but this was not my intention. I asked him how he felt; and I regretted that the hilarity of the evening had been interrupted in so unfortunate a manner.

“How do you mean, sir? Do you mean to insinuate that I was not sober?”

“By no means, sir,” said I; “but are you aware, that in the midst of your delightful and entertaining conversation, you tumbled off your chair in an epileptic fit?—are you subject to these?”

“Oh, yes, my dear fellow, indeed I am; but it is so long since I last had one, that I was in hopes they had left me. I have invalided for them four times, and just at the very periods when, if I could have remained out, my promotion was certain.”

He then told me I might remain on shore that day, if I pleased. I gave him credit for his happy instinct in taking the hint of the fit; and as soon as I left him, he arose, went on board, and flogged two men for being drunk the night before.

I did not fail to report all that had passed to my mess-mates, and we sailed a few days afterwards for Barbadoes. On the first Sunday of our being at sea, the captain dined in the gun-room with the officers. He soon launched out into his usual strain of lying and boasting, which always irritated our doctor, who was a sensible young Welshman. On these occasions he never failed to raise a laugh at the captain’s expense, by throwing in one or two words at the end of each anecdote; and this he did in so grave and modest a manner, that without a previous knowledge of him, any one might have supposed he was serious. The captain renewed his story of the corps of poodles to extract the fuses from the shells. “I hoped,” he said, “to see the institution of such a corps among ourselves; and if I were to be the colonel of it, I should soon have a star on my breast.”

“That would be the dog star,” said the doctor, with extreme gaiety.

“Thank you, doctor,” said the captain; “not bad; I owe you one.”

We laughed; the doctor kept his countenance; and the captain looked very grave; but he continued his lies, and dragged in as usual the name of Sir Sydney Smith to support his assertions. “If you doubt me, only ask Sir Sydney Smith; he’ll talk to you about Acre for thirty-six hours on a stretch, without taking breath; his coxswain at last got so tired of it, that he nick-named him ‘Long Acre.’”

The poor doctor did not come off scot-free; the next day, he discovered that the deck leaked over his cabin, and the water ran into his bed. He began, with a hammer and some nails, to fasten up a piece of painted canvas, by way of shelter. The captain heard the noise of the hammer, and finding it was the doctor, desired him to desist. The doctor replied, that he was only endeavouring to stop some leaks over his bed: the captain said they should not be stopped; for that a bed of leeks was a very good bed for a Welshman.

“There, doctor: now we are quits: that’s for your dog star. I suppose you think nobody can make, a pun or a pill, in the ship, but yourself?”

“If my pills were no better than your puns,” muttered the doctor, “we should all be in a bad way.”

The captain then directed the carpenter not to allow any nails to the doctor, or the use of any of his tools; he even told the poor surgeon that he did not know how to make a pill, and that “he was as useless as the Navy Board.” He accused him of ignorance in other parts of his profession; and, ordering all the sick men on deck, rope-ended them to increase their circulation, and put a little life into them.

Many a poor sick creature have I seen receive a most unmerciful beating. My wonder was that the men did not throw him overboard; and I do really believe that if it had not been for respect and love to the officers, they would have done so. No sooner had we got into blue water, as he called it—that is out of soundings—than he began his pranks, which never ceased till we reached Carlisle Bay. Officers and men were all treated alike, and there was no redress, for no one among us dared to bring him to a court-martial. His constant maxim was—“Keep sailors at work, and you keep the devil out of their minds—all hands all day-watch, and watch all night.”

“No man,” said Jacky (the name we gave him) “eats the bread of idleness on board of my ship: work keeps the scurvy out of their bones, the lazy rascals.”

The officers and men, for the first three weeks, never had a watch below during the day. They were harassed and worn to death, and the most mutinous and discontented spirit prevailed throughout the ship. One of the best seamen said, in the captain’s hearing, that, “since the ship had been at sea, he had only had three watches below.”

“And if I had known it,” said the captain, “you should not have had that;” and turning the hands up, he gave him four dozen.

Whenever he flogged the men, which he was constantly doing, he never failed to upbraid them with ingratitude, and the indulgences which they received from him.

“By God, there is no man-of-war in the service that has so much indulgence. All you have to do, is to keep the ship clean, square the yards, hoist in your provisions, eat them, hoist your grog in, drink it, and strike the empty casks over the side; but heaven itself would not please such a set of damned fat, discontented rascals.”

His language to the officers was beyond anything I ever could have supposed would have proceeded from the mouth of a human being. The master, one day, incurred his displeasure, and he very flippantly told the poor man to go to hell.

“I hope, sir,” said the master, “I have as good a chance of going to heaven as yourself.”

“You go to heaven!” said the captain, “you go to heaven! Let me catch you there, and I will come and kick you out.”

This was, indeed, showing how far he would have carried his tyranny if he could. But our feelings are relieved from any violent shock at this apparent blasphemy, when we recollect that the poor man was an atheist; and that his idea of heaven was that of a little parlour at the Star and Garter, with a good fire, plenty of grog, and pipes of tobacco.

He kept no table, nor did he ever drink any wine except when he dined with us; but got drunk every night, more or less, on the ship’s spirits, in his own cabin. He was always most violent in the evening. Our only revenge was laughing at his monstrous lies on Sunday, when he dined with us. One night, his servant came and told the midshipman of the watch, that the captain was lying dead drunk on the deck, in his cabin. This was communicated to me, and I determined to make the best use of it. I ran down to the cabin, taking with me the midshipman of the watch, the quarter-master, and two other steady men; and having laid the water-drinker in his bed, I noted down the date, with all the particulars, together with the names of the witnesses, to be used as soon as we fell in with the admiral.

The next day, I think he had some suspicion of what I had done, and it had nearly been fatal to me. It was blowing a fresh trade-wind, and the vessel rolling very deep, when he ordered the booms to be cast loose and re-stowed. This was nothing short of murder and madness; but, in spite of every remonstrance, he persisted, and the consequences were terrible. The lashings were no sooner cast off, than a spare top-mast fell and killed one of the men. This was enough to have completed our mischief for the day; but the devil had not done with us yet. The booms were secured, and the men were ordered to rattle the rigging down, which, as the vessel continued to roll heavily, was still more dangerous, and, if possible, more useless than the former operation. He was warned of it, but in vain; and the men had not been aloft more than ten minutes, when one of them fell overboard. Why I should again have put my life in jeopardy, particularly after the warning of the last voyage, I know not. I was perhaps vain of what I could do in the water. I knew my powers; and in the hope of saving this unfortunate victim to the folly and cruelty of the captain, I plunged after him into the sea, feeling, at the same time, that I was almost committing an act of suicide. I caught hold of him, and for a time supported him; and, had the commonest diligence and seamanship been shown, I should have saved him. But the captain, it appeared, when he found I was overboard, was resolved to get rid of me, in order to save himself: he made use of every difficulty to prevent the boat coming to me. The poor man was exhausted: I kept myself disengaged from him, when swimming round him; supported him occasionally whenever he was sinking; but, finding at last that he was irrecoverably gone—for though I had a firm hold of him, he was going lower and lower—and, looking up, perceiving I was so deep that the water was dark over my head, I clapped my knees on his shoulders, and, giving myself a little impetus from the resistance, rose to the surface. So much was I exhausted, that I could not have floated half a minute more, when the boat came and picked me up.

The delay in heaving the ship to, I attributed to the scene I had witnessed the night before; and in this I was confirmed by the testimony of the officers. Having lost two men by his unseamanlike conduct, he would have added the deliberate murder of a third, to save himself from the punishment which he knew awaited him. He continued the same tyrannical conduct, and I had resolved, the moment we fell in with the admiral, to write for a court-martial on this man, let the consequences be what they might; I thought I should serve my country and the navy by ridding it of such a monster.

Several of the officers were under arrest, and notwithstanding the heat of their cabins in that warm climate, were kept constantly confined to them with a sentinel at the door. In consequence of this cruel treatment, one of the officers became deranged. We made Barbadoes, and running round Needham’s Point into Carlisle Bay, we saw to our mortification that neither the admiral nor any ship of war was, there, consequently our captain was commanding officer in the port. Upon this, he became remarkably amiable, supposing, if the evil day was put off, it would be dispensed with altogether; he treated me with particular attention; hoped we should have some fun ashore; as the admiral was not come in, we should wait for him; tired of kicking about at sea, he should take all his duds with him, and bring himself to an anchor on shore, and not come afloat again till we saluted his flag.

Neither the first lieutenant nor myself believed one word of this; indeed, we always acted upon the exact reverse of what he said; and it was well we did so in this instance. After we had anchored, he went ashore, and in about an hour returned, and stated that the admiral was not expected till next month; that he should, therefore, go and take up his quarters at Jemmy Cavan’s, and not trouble the ship any more until the admiral arrived; he then left us, taking his trunk and all his dirty linen—dirty enough it was.

Some of the officers unfortunately believed that we were to remain, and followed the captain’s example, by sending their linen on shore to be washed. Skysail was firm, and so was I; the lieutenant cocked his eye, and said, “Messmate, depend on it there is something in the wind. I have sent one shirt on shore to be washed; and when that comes off, I will send another; if I lose that, it is no great matter.”

That night, at ten o’clock, Captain Jacky came on board, bringing his trunk and dirty linen, turned the hands up, up anchor, and ran out of Carlisle Bay and went to sea, leaving most of the officers’ linen on shore. This was one of his tricks. He had received his orders when he landed in the morning; they were waiting for him, and his coming on board for his things was only a ruse to throw us off our guard, and I suppose compel us, by the loss of our clothes, to be as dirty in appearance as he was himself; “but he always liked to make his officers comfortable.”

We arrived at Nassau, in New Providence, without any remarkable incident, although the service continued to be carried on in the same disagreeable manner as ever. I continued, however, to get leave to go on shore; and finding no prospect of bringing the captain to justice, determined to quit the ship if possible. This was effected by accident, otherwise I should have been much puzzled to have got clear of her. I fell between the boat and the wharf as I landed, and by the sudden jerk ruptured a small blood-vessel in my chest; it was of no great importance in itself, but in that climate required care, and I made the most of it. They would have carried me on board again, but I begged to be taken to the hotel. The surgeon of the regiment doing duty there attended me, and I requested him to make my case as bad as possible. The captain came to see me—I appeared very ill—his compassion was like that of the inquisitor of the Holy Office, who cures his victim in order to enable him to go through further torments. His time of sailing arrived, and I was reported to be too ill to be removed. Determined to have me, he prolonged his stay. I got better; the surgeon’s report was more favourable; but I was still unwilling to go on board. The captain sent me an affectionate message, to say that if I did not come, he would send a file of marines to bring me: he even came himself and threatened me; when, finding there were no witnesses in the room, I plainly told him that if he persisted in having me on board, it would be to his own destruction, for that I was fully determined to bring him to a court-martial for drunkenness and unofficerlike conduct, the moment we joined the admiral. I told him of the state in which I had found him. I recapitulated his blasphemies, and his lubberly conduct in losing the two men; he stared and endeavoured to explain; I was peremptory, and he whined and gave in, seeing he was in my power.

“Well then, my dear fellow,” said Jacky, “since you are so very ill—sorry as I shall be to lose you—I must consent to your staying behind. I shall find it difficult to replace you; but as the comfort and happiness of my officers is my first object on all occasions, I will prefer annoying myself to annoying you.” So saying, he held out his hand to me, which I shook with a hearty good-will, sincerely hoping that we might never meet again, either, in this world or the next.

He was afterwards brought to a court-martial, for repeated acts of drunkenness and cruelty, and was finally dismissed the service.

In giving this detail of Captain G—’s peculiarities, let it not be imagined that even at that period such characters were common in the service. I have already said that he was singular. Impressment and the want of officers at the early part of the war, gave him an opportunity of becoming a lieutenant; he took the weak side of the admiral to obtain his next step, and obtained the command of a sloop, from repeated solicitation at the Admiralty, and by urging his claims of long servitude. The service had received serious injury by admitting men on the quarter-deck from before the mast; it occasioned there being two classes of officers in the navy—namely, those who had rank and connections, and those who had entered by the “hawseholes,” as they were described. The first were favoured when young, and did not acquire a competent knowledge of their duty; the second, with few exceptions, as they advanced in their grades, proved, from want of education, more and more unfit for their stations. These defects have now been remedied; and, as all young men who enter the service must have a regular education, and consequently be the sons of gentlemen, a level has been produced which, to a certain degree, precludes favouritism, and perfectly bars the entrance to such men as Captain G—.

After the battle of Trafalgar, when England and Europe were indebted for their safety to the British fleet, the navy became popular, and the aristocracy crowded into it. This forwarded still more the melioration of the service, and under the succeeding naval administration, silent, certain, and gradual improvements, both in men, officers, and ships, took place. Subsequently, the navy has been still more fortunate, in having an officer called to its councils whose active and constant employment at sea, previous to the peace of Paris, had given him a thorough insight into its wants and abuses. Unconnected with party, and unawed by power, he has dared to do his duty; and it is highly to the credit of the first lord who has so long presided at the board, that the suggestions of this officer have met with due consideration; I can therefore assure my reader, that as long as his advice is attended to, he need be afraid of meeting with no more Captain G—’s.

Chapter Eighteen.

There she goes, brimful of anger and jealousy. Mercy on the poor man! “Jealous Wife.” The dreadful fish that hath deserved the name Of death. Spenser.

As the brig moved out of the harbour of Nassau, I moved out of bed; and as she set her royals and made sail, I put on my hat and walked out. The officers of the regiment quartered there, kindly invited me to join their mess; and the colonel enhanced the value of the offer by assigning to me good apartments in the barracks. I was instantly removed to cleanly and comfortable lodgings. I soon regained my strength, and was able to sit at the table, where I found thirty-five young officers, living for the day, careless of the morrow; and, beyond that, never bestowing a thought. It is a singular fact, that where life is most precarious, men are most indifferent about its preservation; and, where death is constantly before our eyes, as in this country, eternity is seldom in our thoughts: but so it is; and the rule extends still further in despotic countries. Where the union between the head and shoulders may be dissolved in a moment by the sword of a tyrant, life is not so valued, and death loses its terrors; hence the apathy and indifference with which men view their executioners in that state of society. It seems as if existence, like estates, was valuable in proportion to the validity of the title-deeds by which they are held.

To digress no more. Although I was far from being commonly virtuous, which is about tantamount to absolute wickedness, I was no longer the thoughtless mortal I had ever been since I left school. The society of Emily, and her image graven on my heart; the close confinement to the brig, and the narrow escape from death in the second attempt to save the poor sailor’s life, had altogether contributed their share to a kind of temporary reformation, if not a disgust at the coarser descriptions of vice. The lecture I had received from Emily on deceit, and the detestable conduct of my last captain, had, as I thought, almost completed my reformation. Hitherto I felt I had acted wrong, without having the power to act right. I forgot that I had never made the experiment. The declaration of Captain G—’s atheism was so far from converting me, that from that moment I thought more seriously than ever of religion. So great was my contempt for his character, that I knew whatever he said must be wrong, and, like the Spartan drunken slave, he gave me the greatest horror of vice.

Such was my reasoning, and such my sentiments, previous to any relapse into sin or folly, I knew its heinousness. I transgressed and repented; habit was all-powerful in me; and the only firm support I could have looked to for assistance was, unfortunately, very superficially attended to. Religion, for any good purposes, was scarcely in my thoughts. My system was a sort of Socratic heathen philosophy—a moral code calculated to take a man tolerably safe through a quiet world, but not to extricate him from a labyrinth of long-practised iniquity.

The thoughtless and vicious conduct of my companions became to me a source of serious reflection. Far from following their example, I felt myself some degrees better than they were; and, in the pride of my heart, thanked God I was not like these publicans. My pharisaical arrogance concealed from me the mortifying fact that I was much worse, and with very slight hopes of amendment. Humility had not yet entered my mind; but it was the only basis on which any religious improvement could be created—the only chance of being saved. I rather became refined in vice, without quitting it. Gross and sensual gratification, so easily obtained in the West Indies, was, disgusting to me; yet I scrupled not to attempt the seduction of innocence, rather more gratified in the pursuit than in the enjoyment, which soon palled, and drove me after other objects.

I had, however, little occasion to exert my tact in this are in the Bahama Islands, where, as in all the other islands of the West Indies, there is a class of women, born of white fathers and mustee or mulatto women, nearly approaching in complexion to the European; many of them are brunettes, with long black hair, very pretty, good eyes, and often elegant figures. These ladies are too proud of the European blood in their veins to form an alliance with any male who has suspicion of black in his genealogical table; consequently they seldom are married unless from interested motives, when, having acquired large property by will, they are sought in wedlock by the white settlers.

So circumstanced, these girls prefer an intercourse with the object of their choice to a legal marriage with a person of inferior birth; and, having once made their selection, an act of infidelity is of rare occurrence among them. Their affection and constancy will stand the test of time and of long separation; generous to prodigality, but jealous, and irritable in their jealousy, even to the use of the dagger and poison.

One of these young ladies found sufficient allurement in my personal charms to surrender at discretion, and we lived in that sort of familiar intercourse which, in the West Indies, is looked upon as a matter of necessity between the parties, and of indifference by every one else. I lived on in this Epicurean style for some months; until, most unfortunately, my chère amie found a rival, in the daughter of an officer high in rank on the island. Smitten with my person, this fair one had not the prudence to conceal her partiality: my vanity was too much flattered not to take advantage of her sentiments in my favour; and, as usual, flirtation and philandering occupied most of my mornings, and sometimes my evenings, in the company of this fair American.

Scandal is a goddess who reigns paramount not only in Great Britain but also in all His Majesty’s plantations; and her votaries very soon selected me as the target of their archery. My pretty Carlotta became jealous; she taxed me with inconstancy. I denied the charge; and, as a proof of my innocence, she obtained from me a promise that I should go no more to the house of her rival; but this promise I took very good care to evade, and to break. For a whole fortnight my domestic peace was interrupted either by tears, or by the most voluble and outrageous solos, for I never replied after the first day.

A little female slave, one morning, made me a signal to follow her to a retired part of the garden. I had shown this poor little creature some acts of kindness, for which she amply repaid me. Sometimes I had obtained for her a holiday—sometimes saved her a whipping, and at others had given her a trifle of money; she therefore became exceedingly attached to me, and as she saw her mistress’s anger daily increase, she knew what it would probably end in, and watched my safety like a little guardian sylph.

“No drinkee coffee, massa,” said she, “Missy putty obeah stuff in.”

As soon as she said this, she disappeared, and I went into the house, where I found Carlotta preparing the breakfast; she had an old woman with her, who seemed to be doing something which she was not very willing I should see. I sat down carelessly humming a tune, with my face to a mirror, and my back to Carlotta, so that I was able to watch her motions without her perceiving it. She was standing near the fireplace, the coffee was by her on the table, and the old woman crouched in the chimney-corner, with her bleared eyes fixed on the embers. Carlotta seemed in doubt; she pressed her hands forcibly on her forehead; took up the coffee-pot to pour me out a cup, then set it down again; the old woman muttered something in their language; Carlotta stamped with her little foot, and poured out the coffee. She brought it to me—trembled as she placed it before me—seemed unwilling to let go her hold, and her hand still grasped the cup, as if she would take it away again. The old woman growled and muttered something, in which I could only hear the name of her rival mentioned. This was enough: the eyes of Carlotta lighted up like a flame; she quitted her hold of the salver, retreated to the fireplace, sat herself down, covered her face, and left me, as she supposed, to make my last earthly repast.

“Carlotta,” said I, with a sudden and vehement exclamation. She started up, and the blood rushed to her face and neck in a profusion of blushes, which are perfectly visible through the skin of these mulattos. “Carlotta,” I repeated, “I had a dream last night; and who do you think came to me? It was Obeah!” She started at the name. “He told me not to drink coffee this morning, but to make the old woman drink it.” At these words the beldam sprang up. “Come here, you old hag,” said I. She approached trembling, for she saw that escape from me was impossible, and that her guilt was detected. I seized a sharp knife, and taking her by her few remaining grey and woolly hairs, said, “Obeah’s work must be done: I do not order it, but he commands it; drink that coffee instantly.”

So powerful was the name of Obeah on the ear of the hag, that she dreaded it more than my brandished knife. She never thought of imploring mercy, for she supposed it was useless after the discovery, and that her hour was come; she therefore lifted the cup to her withered lip, and was just going to fulfil her destiny and to drink, when I dashed it out of her hand, and broke it in a thousand pieces on the floor, darting, at the same time, a fierce look at Carlotta, who threw herself at my feet, which she fervently kissed in an agony of conflicting passions.

“Kill me! kill me!” ejaculated she; “it was I that did it. Obeah is great—he has saved you. Kill me, and I shall die happy, now you are safe—do kill me!”

I listened to these frantic exclamations with perfect calmness. When she was a little more composed, I desired her to rise. She obeyed, and looked the image of despair, for she thought I should immediately quit her for the arms of her more fortunate rival, and she considered my innocence as fully established by the appearance of the deity.

“Carlotta,” said I, “what would you have done if you had succeeded in killing me?”

“I will show you,” said she; when, going to a closet, she took out another basin of coffee; and before I could dash it from her lips, as I had the former one from the black woman, the infatuated girl had swallowed a small portion of it.

“What else can I do?” said she; “my happiness is gone for ever.”

“No, Carlotta,” said I; “I do not wish for your death, though you have plotted mine. I have been faithful to you, and loved you, until you made this attempt.”

“Will you forgive me before I die?” said she; “for die I must, now that I know you will quit me!” Uttering these words, she threw herself on the floor with violence, and her head coming into contact with the broken fragments of the basin, she cut herself, and bled so copiously that she fainted. The old woman had fled, and I was left alone with her, for poor little Sophy was frightened, and had hidden herself.

I lifted Carlotta from the floor, and placing her in a chair, I washed her face with cold water; and having stanched the blood, I laid her on her bed, when she began to breathe and to sob convulsively. I sat myself by her side; and as I contemplated her pale face, and witnessed her grief, I fell into a train of melancholy retrospection on my numerous acts of vice and folly.

“How many warnings,” said I, “how many lessons am I to receive before I shall reform? How narrowly have I escaped being sent to my account ‘unaneled’ and unprepared! What must have been my situation if I had at this moment been called into the presence of my offended Creator? This poor girl is pure and innocent, compared with me, taking into consideration the advantages of education on my side, and the want of it on hers. What has produced all this misery and the dreadful consequences which might have ensued, but my folly in trifling with the feelings of an innocent girl, and winning her affections merely to gratify my own vanity; at the same time that I have formed a connection with this unhappy creature, the breaking of which will never cause me one hour’s regret, while it will leave her in misery, and will, in all probability, embitter all her future existence? What shall I do? Forgive, as I hope to be forgiven: the fault was more mine than hers.”

I then knelt down and most fervently repeated the Lord’s Prayer, adding some words of thanksgiving, for my undeserved escape from death. I rose up and kissed her cold, damp fore head; she was sensible of my kindness, and her poor head found relief in a flood of tears. Her eyes again gazed on me, sparkling with gratitude and love, after all she had gone through. I endeavoured to compose her; the loss of blood had produced the best effects; and, having succeeded in calming her conflicting passions, she fell into a sound sleep.

The reader who knows the West Indies, or knows human nature, will not be surprised that I should have continued this connection as long as I remained on the island. From the artless manner in which Carlotta had conducted her plot; from her gestures and her agitation, I was quite sure that she was a novice in this sort of crime, and that should she ever relapse into her paroxysm of jealousy, I should be able to detect any further attempt on my life. Of this, however, I had no fears, having by degrees discontinued my visits to the young lady who had been the cause of our fracas; and I never afterwards, while on the island, gave Carlotta the slightest reason to suspect my constancy. I was much censured for my conduct to the young lady, as the attentions I had shown her, and her marked preference for me, had driven away suitors who really were in earnest, and they never returned to her again.

In these islands, the naturalist would find a vast store to reward investigation; they abound with a variety of plants, birds, fish, shells, and minerals. It was here that Columbus made his first landing, but in which of the islands I am not exactly certain; though I am very sure he did not find them quite so agreeable as I did, for he very soon quitted them, and steered away for St. Domingo.

It is not, perhaps, generally known that New Providence was the island selected for his residence by Blackbeard, the famous pirate; the citadel that stands on the hill above the town of Nassau is built on the site of the fortress which contained the treasure of that famous freebooter. A curious circumstance occurred during my stay on this island, and which, beyond all doubt, was connected with the adventures of those extraordinary people known by the appellation of Buccaneers. Some workmen were digging near the foot of the hill under the fort, when they discovered some quicksilver, and, on inspection, a very considerable quantity was found; it had evidently been a part of the plunder of the pirates, buried in casks, or skins, and these having decayed, the liquid ore naturally escaped down the hill.

Though not indifferent to the pleasures of the table, I was far from resigning myself to the Circean life led by the generality of young military men in the Bahamas.

The education which I had received, and which placed me far above the common run of society in the colonies, induced me to seek for a companion whose mind had received equal cultivation; and such a one I found in Charles, a young lieutenant in the — regiment, quartered at Nassau. Our intimacy became the closer, in proportion as we discovered the sottish habits and ignorance of those around us. We usually spent our mornings in reading the classic authors, with which we were both familiar; we spouted our Latin verses; we fenced; and we amused ourselves occasionally with a game of billiards, but never ventured our friendship on a stake for money. When the heat of the day had passed off, we strolled out, paid a few visits, or rambled over the island; keeping as much aloof from the barracks as possible, where the manner of living was so very uncongenial to our notions. The officers began their day about noon, when they sat down to breakfast; after that, they separated to their different quarters, to read the novels with which the presses of England and France inundated these islands, to the great deterioration of morals. These books, which they read lounging on their backs, or laid beside them and fell asleep over, occupied the hottest part of the day; the remainder, till the hour of dinner arrived, was consumed in visiting and gossiping, or in riding to procure an appetite for dinner. Till four in the morning, their time was wholly devoted to smoking and drinking; their beds received them in a state of intoxication, more or less; parade, at nine o’clock, forced them out with a burning brain and parched tongue; they rushed into, the sea, and found some refreshment in the cool water, which enabled them to stand upright in front of their men; the formal duty over, they retired again to their beds, where they lay till noon, and then to breakfast.

Such were their days; can it be wondered at that our islands are fatal to the constitution of Europeans, when this is their manner of life in a climate always disposed to take advantage of any excess? The men too readily followed the example of their officers and died off in the same rapid manner; one of the most regular employments of the morning was to dig graves for the victims of the night. Four or five of these receptacles were thought a moderate number. Such was the fatal apathy in which these officers existed, that the approach, nay, even the certainty of death, gave them no apparent concern, caused no preparation, excited no serious reflection. They followed the corpse of a brother officer to the grave in military procession. These ceremonies were always conducted in the evening, and often have I seen these thoughtless young men throwing stones at the lanthorns which were carried before them to light them to the burying-ground.

I was always an early riser, and believe I owe much of my good health to this custom. I used to delight in a lovely tropical morning, when, with a cigar in my mouth, I walked into the market. What would Sir William Curtis or Sir Charles Flower have said, could they have seen, as I did, the numbers of luxurious turtle lying on their backs, and displaying their rich calapee to the epicurean purchaser? Well, indeed, might the shade of Apicius (Lyttleton’s Dialogues of the Dead) lament that America and turtle were not discovered in his days. There were the guanas, too, in abundance, with their mouths sewed up to prevent their biting; these are excellent food, although bearing so near a resemblance to the alligator, and its diminutive European representative, the harmless lizard; Muscovy ducks, parrots, monkeys, pigeons, and fish. Pine-apples abounded, oranges, pomegranates, limes, Bavarias, plantains, love-apples, Abbogada pears (better known by the name of subaltern’s butter), and many other fruits, all piled in heaps, were to be had at a low price. Such was the stock of a New Providence market.

Of the human species, buyers and vendors, there were black, brown, and fair; from the fairest skin, with light blue eyes and flaxen hair, to the jet black “Day and Martin” of Ethiopia; from the loveliest form of Nature’s mould, to the disgusting squaw, whose flaccid mammae hang like inverted bottles to her girdle, or are extended over her shoulder to give nourishment to the little imp perched on her back; and here the urchin sits the live-long day, while the mother performs all the drudgery of the field, the house, or the market.

The confusion of Babel did not surpass the present gabble of a West-India market. The loud and everlasting chatter of the black women, old and young (for black ladies can talk as well as white ones); the screams of children, parrots, and monkeys; black boys and girls, clad à la Vénus, white teeth, red lips, black skins, and elephant legs, formed altogether a scene well worth looking at; and now, since the steamers have acquired so much velocity, I should think would not be an unpleasant lounge for the fastidious ennuyé of France or England. The cheerfulness of the slaves, whom our morbid philanthropists wish to render happy by making discontented, would altogether amply repay the trouble and expense of a voyage to those who have leisure or money enough to enable them to visit the tropical islands.

The delightful, and, indeed, indispensable amusement of bathing, is particularly dangerous in these countries. In the shallows you are liable to be struck by the sting-ray, a species of skate, with a sharp barb about the middle of its tail; and the effect of the wound is so serious, that I have known a person to be in a state of frenzy from it for nearly forty-eight hours. In deeper water, the sharks are not only numerous but ravenous; and I sometimes gratified their appetites, and my own love of excitement, by purchasing the carcass of a dead cow, or horse. This I towed off, and anchored with a thick rope and a large stone; then, from my boat, with a harpoon, I amused myself in striking these devils as they crowded round for their meal. My readers will, I fear, think I am much too fond of relating adventures among these marine undertakers; but the following incident will not be found without interest.

In company with Charles, one beautiful afternoon, rambling over the rocky cliffs at the back of the island, we came to a spot where the stillness and the clear transparency of the water invited us to bathe. It was not deep. As we stood above, on the promontory, we could see the bottom in every part. Under the little headland which formed the opposite side of the cove, there was a cavern, to which as the shore was steep, there was no access but by swimming, and we resolved to explore it. We soon reached its mouth, and were enchanted with its romantic grandeur and wild beauty. It extended, we found, a long way back, and had several natural baths, into all of which we successively threw ourselves, each, as they receded further from the mouth of the cavern, being colder than the last. The tide, it was evident, had free ingress, and renewed the water every twelve hours. Here we thoughtlessly amused ourselves for some time, quoting Acis and Galatea, Diana and her nymphs, and every classic story applicable to the scene.

At length, the declining sun warned us that it was time to take our departure from the cave, when, at no great distance from us, we saw the back, or dorsal fin, of a monstrous shark above the surface of the water, and his whole length visible beneath it. We looked at him and at each other with dismay, hoping that he would soon take his departure, and go in search of other prey; but the rogue swam to and fro, just like a frigate blockading an enemy’s port, and we felt, I suppose, very much as we used to make the French and Dutch feel last war, at Brest and the Texel.

The sentinel paraded before us, about ten or fifteen yards in front of the cave, tack and tack, waiting only to serve one, if not both of us, as we should have served a shrimp or an oyster. We had no intention, however, in this, as in other instances, of “throwing ourselves on the mercy of the court.” In vain did we look for relief from other quarters; the promontory above us was inaccessible; the tide was rising, and the sun touching the clear blue edge of the horizon.

I, being the leader, pretended to a little knowledge in ichthyology, and told my companion that fish could hear as well as see, and that therefore the less we said the better; and the sooner we retreated out of his sight, the sooner he would take himself off. This was our only chance, and that a poor one; for the flow of the water would soon have enabled him to enter the cave and help himself, as he seemed perfectly acquainted with the locale, and knew that we had no mode of retreat but by the way we came. We drew back out of sight; and I don’t know when I ever passed a more unpleasant quarter of an hour. A suit in Chancery, or even a spring lounge in Newgate, would have been almost luxury to what I felt when the shades of night began to darken the mouth of our cave, and this infernal monster continued to parade, like a water-bailiff, before its door. At last, not seeing the shark’s fin above water, I made a sign to Charles that, coûte qui coûte, we must swim for it; for we had notice to quit, by the tide; and if we did not depart, should soon have an execution in the house. We had been careful not to utter a word; and, silently pressing each other by the hand, we slipped into the water; when, recommending ourselves to Providence, which, for my part, I seldom forgot when I was in imminent danger, we struck out manfully. I must own I never felt more assured of destruction, not even when I swam through the blood of the poor sailor; for then the sharks had something to occupy them, but here they had nothing else to do but to look after us. We had the benefit of their undivided attention.

My sensations were indescribably horrible. I may occasionally write or talk of the circumstance with levity, but whenever I recall it to mind, I tremble at the bare recollection of the dreadful fate that seemed inevitable. My companion was not so expert a swimmer as I was, so that I distanced him many feet, when I heard him utter a faint cry. I turned round, convinced that the shark had seized him, but it was not so; my having left him so far behind had increased his terror and induced him to draw my attention. I returned to him, held him up, and encouraged him. Without this he would certainly have sunk; he revived with my help, and we reached the sandy beach in safety, having eluded our enemy; who, when he neither saw or heard us, had, as I concluded he would, quitted the spot.

Once more on terra firma, we lay gasping for some minutes before we spoke. What my companion’s thoughts were, I do not know; mine were replete with gratitude to God, and renewed vows of amendment; and I have every reason to think, that although Charles had not so much room for reform as myself, that his feelings were perfectly in unison with my own. We never afterwards repeated this amusement, though we frequently talked of our escape, and laughed at our terrors; yet on these occasions our conversation always took a serious turn: and, upon the whole, I am convinced that this adventure did us both a vast deal of good.

I had now been six months in these islands, had perfectly recovered my health, and became anxious for active employment. The brilliant successes of our rear-admiral at Washington made me wish for a share of the honour and glory which my brethren in arms were acquiring on the coast of North America; but my wayward fate sent me in a very opposite direction.

Chapter Nineteen.

Miranda. How came we ashore! Prospero. By Providence divine. ... Sit still, and hear the last of our sea-sorrow. Here in this island we arrived. Shakespeare.

A frigate called at the island for turtle; and, having represented my case to the captain, he offered to take me on board, telling me at the same time that he was going much further to the southward, to relieve another cruiser, who would then return to England, and the captain of her would, no doubt, give me a passage home. I accordingly made hasty preparations for my departure; took leave of all my kind friends at the barracks, for kind indeed they were to me, although thoughtless and foolish towards themselves. I bade adieu to the families on the island, in whose houses and at whose tables I had experienced the most liberal hospitality; and last, though not least, I took leave of poor Carlotta.

This was a difficult task to perform, but it was imperative. I told her that I was ordered on board by my captain, who, being a very different person from the last, I dared not disobey. I promised to return to her soon. I offered her money and presents, but she would accept of nothing but a small locket, to wear for my sake. I purchased the freedom of poor Sophy, the black girl who had saved my life. The little creature wept bitterly at my coming away; but I could do no more for her. As for Carlotta, I learned afterwards that she went on board every ship that arrived to gain intelligence of me, who seldom or never gave her a thought.

We sailed; and, steering away to the south-east with moderate winds and fine weather, captured, at the end of that time, a large American ship, which had made a devious course from the French coast, in hopes of avoiding our cruisers; she was about four hundred tons, deeply laden, and bound to Laguira, with a valuable cargo. The captain sent for me, and told me that if I chose to take charge of her, as prize-master, I might proceed to England direct. This plan exactly suited me, and I consented, only begging to have a boatswain’s mate, named Thompson, to go along with me; he was an old shipmate, and had been one of my gig’s crew when we had the affair in Basque Roads: he was a steady, resolute, quiet, sober, raw-boned Caledonian, from Aberdeen, and a man that I knew would stand by me in the hour of need. He was ordered to go with me, and the necessary supply of provisions and spirits were on board. I received my orders, and took my leave of my new captain, who was both a good seaman and an excellent officer.

When I got on board the prize, I found all the prisoners busy packing up their things, and they became exceedingly alert in placing them in the boat which was to convey them on board the frigate. Indeed they all crowded into her with an unusual degree of activity; but this did not particularly strike my attention at the time. My directions were to retain the captain and one man with me, in order to condemn the vessel in the court of admiralty.

Occupied with many objects at once, all important to me, as I was so soon to part company with the frigate, I did not recollect this part of my orders, and that I was detaining the boat, until the young midshipman who had charge of her asked me if he might return on board and take the prisoners. I then went on deck, and seeing the whole of them, with their chests and bags, seated very quietly in the boat, and ready to shove off, I desired the captain and one of the American seamen to come on board again, and to bring their clothes with them. I did not remark the unwillingness of the captain to obey this order, until told of it by the midshipman; his chest and goods were immediately handed in upon deck, and the signal from the frigate being repeated, with a light for the boat to return (for it was now dark), she shoved off hastily, and was soon out of sight.

“Stop the boat!—for God’s sake stop the boat!” cried the captain.

“Why should I stop the boat?” said I; “my orders are positive, and you must remain with me.”

I then went below for a minute or two, and the captain followed me.

“As you value your life, sir,” said he, “stop the boat.”

“Why?” asked I, eagerly.

“Because, sir,” said he, “the ship has been scuttled by the men, and will sink in a few hours: you cannot save her, for you cannot get at her leaks.”

I now did indeed see the necessity of stopping the boat; but it was too late: she was out of sight. The lantern, the signal for her return, had been hauled down, a proof that she had got on board. I hoisted two lights at the mizen peak, and ordered a musket to be fired; but, unfortunately, the cartridges had either not been put in the boat which brought me, or they had been taken back in her. One of my lights went out; the other was not seen by the frigate. We hoisted another light, but it gained no notice: the ship had evidently made sail. I stood after her as fast as I could, in hopes of her seeing us that night, or taking us out the next morning, should we be afloat.

But my vessel, deeply laden, was already getting waterlogged, and would not sail on a wind more than four miles an hour. All hope in that quarter vanished. I then endeavoured to discover from the captain where the leaks were, that we might stop them; but he had been drinking so freely, that I could get nothing from him but Dutch courage and braggadocio. The poor black man who had been left with the captain was next consulted. All he knew was, that, when at Bordeaux, the captain had caused holes to be bored in the ship’s bottom, that he might pull the plugs out whenever he liked, swearing, at the same time, that she never should enter a British port. He did not know where the leaks were situated, though it was evident to me that they were in the after and also in the fore parts of the ship, low down, and now deep under water, both inside as well as out. The black man added that the captain had let the water in, and that was all he knew.