For permission to reproduce the great majority of the Drawings included in this Volume, the Artist is indebted to the courtesy of the Proprietors of Punch. He has also to acknowledge similar kindnesses from the Editors of London Opinion, The Sketch, The Tatler, The Bystander, and The Evening News.
cheese on plate with beeze flying toward it
“Mamma!”
“Yes, My Child.”
“Wilfred has Crashed in a Shell-hole.”
THE SONG OF THE SHIRT
men in trophy room chatting
Host (a Mighty Hunter, breaking off in the middle of his longest story): “But I seem to be boring you?”
Guest: “Oh, no. Fact is—all these animals yawning—so beastly infectious.”
man dumping all his parcels trying to pay for cab while traveling companion already has and has departed
THE FUMBLER
man in easy chair at club with irate man glaring at him
“Waiter, bring me a whisky-and-soda, please.”
“I’m not a waiter, confound you!”
“Oh, right-o—then don’t trouble.”
How curious it is that jokes which— irritate us in a book— aggravate us in a magazine— exasperate us in a newspaper— & goad us to fury in a revue— Should go down so well in an after-dinner speech!two men talking in business offfice
Prospective Purchaser: “And why do your advertisements say that yours is essentially the car for the owner-driver?”
Salesman (under notice to leave): “Because no self-respecting chauffeur will condescend to be seen in one.”
man talking to driver in long line of cars
TACT “Excuse me, driver, but could you tell me where I’d be most likely to find a taxi?”
man stanind on shore facing enormous waves
“. . . Or to take arms against a sea of troubles . . .”
Hamlet, Act III, Sc. 1.
man misrecognizing stranger, knocking him down, helping him up and moving on. Words: "Hullo!—my dear—old boy—how are you?By Jove, that’s a funny thing—could have sworn you were—someone I knew—but now I come to look at you—you’re no more—like—him—than I am."
THE HEARTY FELLOW
trousers and skirt on line dancing
Danse des Vents
cavemen
The First Joke
man with golf club while another man films himtwo cricket sceneMan in dress carrying hat box standing in front of crowd on curb
Portrait of a Gentleman in process of deciding that the hire of a car to take him to his fancy-dress revel would have been well worth the expense.
news and crowd to meet champion: THE ADVENT OF A CHAMPIONman's golf club breaks when he makes a divet
“Dear, dear, dear! what a curious accident! I thought that only happened in the comic papers.”
man being given many many books to sign and shoved into a chair and given a table and all crowd in to be amused
THE PROFESSIONAL HUMOURIST PAYS A VISIT
play on stage
Voice from the gods: “It’s all right, Miss. Don’t you take on so. They’re only doing it for the pictures.”
man sits on bench and accidentally pulls up one trouser leg without noticing. He stands and it's still scrunched up. One by one people stop and stare and he pretends not to notice. A porter finally whispers in his hear and the man faints.
The Tragedy of a Trouser
Man using golf club like a pool cue to sink his puttI always think the telegram custom—adds such a tone—to cricket. I wish—it could—be—introduced—into—Rugger. (Cricket into rugby scenes)The Lost Ticket: man searching for ticket with horde of people behind himcricket players
THE CHARM OF VILLAGE CRICKET
PIcture on top: The Amalgamated Society of Bakers in Good King Alfred’s Reign protests against the Employment of a Non-Union Man. Picture on bottom:The Mariner’s Union threatens direct action if King Canute tampers with the Tides.
UNREST THROUGH THE AGES.
Top picture: The Household Staff of the Borgias demands to be put upon Board Wages. Bottom picture James Watt is unable to carry out his Experiments through a Strike of the Employees of the Local Water Company.
UNREST THROUGH THE AGES
man on foot talking to people in car
“Can you tell me if this is the right road for London, please?”
“Why, bless my soul, ain’t none of you ever been there before?”
Man invites himself along on hike with a stalwart hiker. Non-invited man gets tireder and tired and ends by being carried on shoulder of hiker.
THE ENTHUSIAST.
man standing in middle of shop that has hundreds of hats in boxes and also hanging on the wall asks salesmen question
“Have you any—er—hats?”
“What counts nowadays, my boy, is system—When I want a certain piece of information, for instance—I just look up my index, reach down—a file—or two—and—before you can—say—knife—it’s—in front of you!”
SYSTEM!
small man talking to much taller man in office
“Please, Mr. Grafto, the gentleman on the next floor presents his compliments and says, seeing as how you can foretell the future, would you be so good as to let him know how long it will be before your bath stops overflowing through his ceiling?”
man sneezes during soloist's piece. Entire auditorium and musicians horrified. Musician stalks off and audience leaves man alone covered with embarassment
THE MAN WHO SNEEZED
Soldier in kilt writing on broken wall, he crosses out England and writes "Great Britain" so it says: "Gott Strafe Great Britian"
Scotland for Ever.
Soldier getting too much gear a piece at a time; on the field, the drops it all and just runs off with his rifle
“Gadgets”
Two men looking at line of trees on horizonthat look like a row of people with their hands in the air
NATURE’S TACTLESS MIMICRY. Curious attitude assumed by Trees in a district occupied by the Germans.
men in trenches
“Here, stick your head down, Charlie.”
“What—is there an order come round about it?”
Visitors in many scenes reading warnings; final scene two soldiers “You can clear away those notice-boards now, Sergeant. The visitors have gone.”
THE VISIT TO THE FRONT
man running from cowboys
Unpleasant nightmare of Hans, the ex-cinema attendant, after learning of the American Declaration of War.
Two Scot soldiers looking at a restaurant named Cafe d'Edimbourg
“We’ll no gang in there, Jock.”
“For why, Donal’?”
“Man, it’s got an awfu’ Gerrman-like name, yon.”
Soldier arrives to huge crowd and parade and runs all the way back to the front
The Bashful V.C.’s Welcome Home
two men sittind in trench surrounded by flies
New Hand: “Flies seem pretty awful out here, Corporal.”
Hardened Campaigner: “Wot flies?”
two men approaching each other in blinding rain
Both together: “Now, my man, why don’t you salute when you Pass an Officer?”
Words inside drawings: “A soldier when riding a bicycle will turn his head smartly towards an officer in passing him and will not move his hands from the handle-bar.”
CEREMONIAL Reference—Infantry Training, 1914, Sect. 18, § viii.
man looking at shadow of possible hun in dark
THE BRIBE.
“Who goes there?”
“K-Kamerad—mit souvenirs.”
Soldier at door of bunker talking to man inside door
“Hear the latest rumour up from the back, George? War’s going to be over next week.”
“Ho. Well, I hope it don’t upset my going on leave next Tuesday.”
Man with German helmet: 1915. The purchase of the souvenir. 1920. "That’s a souvenir of my job at Havre—1925.—of my service in France—1930.—of my active service—1935.—of my fighting days 1940. Got that in the Big Push—1945.—fierce fighting it was—1950.—desperate fighting, 1955.—hacked my way through—1960.—right up to their general—1965.—cut his head off—1970.—that was on it!"
THE MAKING OF HISTORY
Progress of soldier from home to front lines
1914-1918—I.
Process of same soldier from front to home again
1914-1918—II.
man leaning over trench in dark and holding hand up to soldier in trench
Boche (suddenly appearing over the top): “Kamerad! Kamerad!”
Briton: “Lor’, my son, you DID give me a turn. I thought you was an enemy.”
Man orders brigadiers coat made at tailors and all show him deference. As he leaves he tells them it is for pri vate theatricals
THE HERO
German soldier told at bayonet point to keep his hands above his head, trips turns a somersault and stands keepign hands above headBefore and After scenes
CAMOUFLAGE
two soldiers sitting in blown out window
“Here, listen to this. It says the Gov’ment have bought up all the strawberries to make jam for the troops.”
“Go on, George! How can they make plum-and-apple out o’ strawberries?”
two men outside foxholem, one holding hand grenade
Tommy (“Mopping-up” captured trench): “Is there anyone down there?”
Voice from dug-out: “Ja! Ja! Kamerad!”
Tommy: “Then come out here and fraternise.”
First scene man with hand grenade in front of large group of soldiers: it was unfortunate that brown had not finished his masterpiece, "the surrender of the garrison," by the time the war came to an end. Second scene same men now in rugby gear and grenade holder now holding ball: However, it needed very little alteration to make it saleabletwo soldiers sitting and talking
Sociable Escort (to Boche prisoner, after several ineffectual attempts to start a conversation): “Ahem!—er—no trouble at home, I hope?”
two men looking at third man
The Wit: “Ah, now you’re for it, Albert.”
Tractor-Driver: “Wot’s the matter?”
The Wit: “Why, you’ve been and gone and come on parade without your spurs.”
first scene: man leaving farmland behind and second scene: returning to factoriestwo soldiers looking at lanscape
First Contemptible: “D’you remember halting here on the retreat, George?”
Second ditto: “Can’t call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in the wood down by the river, or was it that place with the Cathedral and all them factories?”
Sheep dogs watches sheep, then goes off to war and trains, comes back home and now keeps sheep irank and file
JOCK THE SHEEP-DOG
men walking on large railroad bridge
THE RIGHT SPIRIT.
Corporal in charge (on arrival at bridge): “De—tachment, break—step!”
[“When crossing a military bridge Infantry will break step.”—Extract from “Regulations.”]
much description of the house building process
THE HOUSE THAT JACK WANTS BUILT.
golfer looking forlornly at ball in water trapcricket team one by one handing their jumpers et al., to bystander to hold until he is buried under their clothes
OUR TREACHEROUS CLIMATE
man walking down street in coat that looks like it was cut down from a winter one
“Well, anyhow, no one could tell that this was once a British warm.”
enormous trophy and dining room in first scene: I used to think that old Safari-Smith's trophies made an awfully jolly decoration to his dining-room but now that he's moved to a flat in London I'm really not quite so sure of it.; second scene tiny dining room with animal heads crowding the small room and tabletall man following short caddy who is carrying his clubsgolfer dealing with distractionsmany old men sitting around a table
The young firebrands’ art club holds its fiftieth annual dinner.
drawings of photographs through the years
A BIOGRAPHY
man speakign to salesman in store
PATHOS
“I want to choose a Christmas present—one suitable for a short, dark, middle-aged bachelor with retiring disposition and no near relatives—to give to himself.”
text under illustrations of man eventually ending up in jail for feeling compelled to steal a wedding gift: The presence of a detective among the wedding presents—always unsettles me. I feel sure that sooner or later—I shall be hypnotised—into doing—something—which will get me into trouble.
THE WEDDING DETECTIVE: A STUDY IN SUGGESTION
man speaking to two children out of doors
Wee Donald Angus: “Please, Sirr, what time will it be?”
Literal Gentleman: “When?”
excercise which ends badly
Exercise 3.—To promote a graceful figure.
man in field talking ot neighbour over the fence
“Hullo, George—not demobbed yet?”
“No—signed on again.”
“How long for?”
“Just for duration of the Peace.”
man buys farm with great expectations and ends by selling it in disgust
THE LURE OF THE LAND
husband in robe speaking to wife in evening gown
Husband (on visit to Country House): “I say, someone’s forgotten to pack my evening clothes.”
Wife: “Well, it wasn’t me, dear. If anyone didn’t, you must have yourself.”
What the umpire thought when men used to wear tall hats on the cricket field
TALL HATS ON THE CRICKET-FIELD.
man in antique shop
“Bed, Sir? Here is a genuine Jacobean, for which we are asking only two hundred and fifty guineas.”
“Well, to tell you the truth I wasn’t wanting to BUY one. But I can’t get a bed anywhere in London, and I was just wondering if you could let me sleep in it to-night.”
man telling another about a great book while ignoring other man's assertions that he's already read itman speaking to another in a very crowded lift
“Hullo, Brown! Fancy running up against you. How small the world is, to be sure!”
“Y-Yes. Terribly small, isn’t it?”
two men meeting on walk and ending up fighting like and with their dogs
THE DOG FIGHT
woman speaking to waitress and pointing downward in crowded auditorium
“Could we have two teas, please?”
“Why, didn’t I bring you two just now?”
“Oh, yes. But we’ve let a gentleman in the stalls have those.”
scenes and decriptions of things to come in upcoming revuestwo gentlemen talking in street
The Pugnacious Gentleman: “But ’e bin an’ called me a ’Un.’”
The Peacemaker: “Well, he may have meant it quite kindly-like, Bill. It ain’t as if we was still at war with the dirty ’ounds.”
Two gentlemen ride in silence on a train for 8 hours and 59 minutes and then finally recognize each other in the last minute of the journey. Then they go their separate ways.
THE JOURNEY: A DIALOGUE IN ENGLISH.
Man speaking to workman working across street in hole in pavement across the street from a theater
“I trust you’ll excuse me mentioning it, my good fellow, but that is the right entrance—on the opposite side of the road.”
man hears street musician out side his home and invites him in and feeds and pays him, after he leaves thousands of musicians appear outside his home playing
THE BROTHERHOOD OF MUSIC
professor sitting at desk under umrella, wife stands nearby holding her skirts up from flooded floor, water pours from ceiling like steady rain
Professor’s Wife: “Septimus, the thaw has burst the pipes.”
Professor: “No, no, Marie. As I’ve Had occasion to explain to you every year since I Can remember, it’s the frost that bursts the pipes—NOT the thaw.”
progression of lawn tennis vrom leisure activity to competition
THE PRICE OF EFFICIENCY.
woman takes off hat to accomodate man behind her and hangs hat on seatback in front of her sticking her hat pin into man in front of her1914: people admire the soldier on stage: 1920: people mock the mistakes they see in the soldier's dress and manners
THE SPREAD OF EDUCATION
man on shore surrounded by midges speaks to man in center of creek up to his neck and still his face is surrounded by midges
“My dear fellow, you’ll never catch anything like that.”
“No—dare say not—get away from most of the midges, though.”
man wants to paint normally placid Saltsea but comes back to find it overrun with crowds during regattatwo golfers shouting at each other over the lay of their two golfballs next to each otherA slow bowler
QUITE CRICKET
two men talking at club with another group of men listening to someone tell a story
“Have you heard Brown’s story of how he scored off a taxi-driver this morning?”
“Yes. I told him it last night.”
he'd rather miss a ball than catch one for the opponent's side when standing in as substitute
CONSOLATION
man and woman talking at dinner table
Fair Partner: “One always meets so many interesting people here that I get quite confused. Now tell me, which Mr. Jones are you?”
Jones: “Me? Oh, I’m only the Jones who’s invited to brighten up a dull party.”
man has field full of crows, visits a modern scuplture gallery and then uses the sculptures to great success as scarecrows
A USE FOR MODERN ART
One golfer 's pipe smoke drifts into another golfer's faceman who refuses to call plumber to fix boiler instead ends up calling for the doctor
THE MAN WHO COULD DO IT HIMSELF
woman has inadvertently snagged a great deal of merchandise with her umbrella handle's hook
Tactful Shopwalker (to lady who seems to have got into the rough with her umbrella): “Excuse me, Madam, but would you not prefer to have them sent for you?”
man buys bowl for what he considers a good price, spends a lot more proving it is authentic
THE BARGAIN
Doctor wearing forgotten party hat looks in at patient in consulting room
Unfortunate oversight on the part of a practitioner called away from his children’s party to attend a patient in his consulting-room.
Doctor keeps trying prescribe something dreadful to his patient only to find that the patient is already doing all of the things the doctor mentions; Doctor is a limp rag at the end of the interview
CHECK!
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