Front matter
Reading edition
NEW YORK R. H. RUSSELL & SON 1896 Copyright BY MITCHELL & MILLER Copyright, 1894, BY R. H. RUSSELL & SON
TO A LITTLE AMERICAN GIRL
IS THIS A CASE FOR THE S. P. C. A.?
IT IS NOW 6:45 P.M., AND THIS DOG HAS BEEN KEPT OUT HERE SINCE TEN IN THE MORNING.
THE AMERICAN GIRL ABROAD.
HERE SHE IS, CHAPERONED BY A REAL DUCHESS, WITH TWO NOBLEMEN OF ANCIENT LINEAGE READY TO MARRY HER, AND YET HER HAPPINESS IS NOT COMPLETE.
NO RESPECTER OF A WIDOW’S GRIEF.
TRIALS OF A BUD.
RUNNING THE GAUNTLET AMONG HER RIVALS.
THIS CAN HAPPEN.
THE AMERICAN FATHER MAY BE AMAZED AT FINDING HIS ENGLISH SON-IN-LAW NOT AN UNDESIRABLE ARTICLE.
THESE YOUNG GIRLS WHO MARRY OLDISH MILLIONAIRES
SHOULD NOT BE WANDERING OVER THE PLAINS WITH IMPECUNIOUS COWBOYS WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS ARE TRYING TO ENTERTAIN THEM.
THE HOPEWELL-BONDS ABROAD.
CHUCKING THE RING.
FOURTH OF JULY.
THE AMERICAN GIRL ABROAD.
SOME FEATURES OF THE MATRIMONIAL MARKET.
A BRIGHT OUTLOOK.
The Pater: I am sorry that you have chosen to say yes to Jack Rodgers. He hasn’t a cent.
The Girl: His prospects are bright.
The Pater: How? I fail to see it.
The Girl: Why, he’s going to marry me!
HIS EVERLASTING EXPERIMENTS WITH ILL-MATED PAIRS.
DANGER.
THE SHORE IS LINED WITH WRECKS.
WHEN HE ONCE GOES OUT IT IS HARD TO GET HIM BACK.
She: The majority of men are heroes? I don’t believe it.
He: The statistics bear it out. Less than half are bachelors.
LENTEN CONFESSIONS.
One Girl: When is a joke not a joke?
The Other Girl: When you’re telling it to an Englishman.
LOVE WILL DIE.
THAT DELICIOUS MOMENT
WHEN THE NARRATOR HAS TOLD HIS MOST SUBTLE STORY TO AS INTELLIGENT BUT UNIMAGINATIVE AUDIENCE AND THEY ARE STILL WAITING TO CATCH THE POINT—IF THERE IS ANY.
THAT DELICIOUS MOMENT
WHEN YOU FIND YOU ARE TO TAKE IN TO DINNER THE GIRL WHO YESTERDAY REFUSED YOU.
THAT DELICIOUS MOMENT
WHEN YOU MEET THE NOBELMAN YOUR DAUGHTER HAS CAPTURED IN EUROPE.
TOO LATE?
The Actor: I say, Jane, what’s the difference between a bill-board and a board-bill?
Actor’s Wife: Well, you can’t jump the bill-board.
THAT RESTLESS SEA.
NO FREE SCHOLARSHIPS.
The Girl: Are you a Yale or Harvard man?
The Young Man: Neither. I got my education in Wall Street. But I often think it would have been cheaper for me to have gone through college.
Old Bonder: Perhaps so, young man; but them useful educations costs something.
ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.
It’s a love song, and sung with deep feeling, as her thoughts are with Tom in a far-away land.
THE REAL EXHIBIT AT THE HORSE SHOW.
THE HORSE SHOW.
HOW THE ANIMALS APPEAR FROM THE BOXES.
He: Robinson is very anxious to marry again.
She: Why, I didn’t know his wife was dead.
He: She isn’t. That’s the reason he is so anxious about it—she is with him now.
HINT FOR A HOSTESS.
FILL A CLOSE ROOM ON A HOT NIGHT WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE COME TO THE COUNTRY TO BE COOL.
“George, father has failed.”
“That’s just like him. I told you all along, darling, that he was going to do all he could to keep us from marrying.”
AN AFTERNOON RECEPTION IN HERCULANEUM.
REVISED.
MARCH FOURTH COMES IN LIKE A TIGER AND GOES OUT LIKE AN ELEPHANT.
TIME!
AT THE GOLDEN SIGN.
THE SALONS OF NEW YORK.
AT MRS. FLAT SHARP’S.
THE SALONS OF NEW YORK.
AN EVENING WITH THE GENTLEMEN’S SONS CHOWDER CLUB.
THE SALONS OF NEW YORK.
AT MRS. HOWARD VAN TOPPING’S.
THE SALONS OF NEW YORK.
AT MRS. DAUBLEIGH CHROME’S.
A MODERN DANIEL.
THE JURY.
GULLEM AT THE ADVICE OF HIS PHYSICIAN TAKES OUT-OF-DOOR EXERCISE.
Elderly Suitor (sarcastically): How does your kindergarten get on, Miss Black?
Miss Black (sweetly): Well, it is better than running an old man’s home.
AT THE SUMMER HOTEL.
THE PROMINENT CITIZEN WHO WROTE A MONTH AGO ENGAGING THE BEST ROOMS IN THE HOUSE.
THE EYES OF LOVE.
“But, Ethel, how do you know that this young man loves you? Has he told you so?
“On, no, Mamma!But if you could only see the way he looks at me when I am not looking at him!”
HER PUNISHMENT.
HER BOY IS NOT INTERESTING, BUT HE HAS A FRUGAL MIND, AND IS MUCH LIKE HIS FATHER.
SOCIAL PASTIMES.
“SHE IS AT HOME! HOW PROVOKING!” “HORRORS! WELL, TELL THEM I WILL BE RIGHT DOWN.”
NOT A GHOST.
IT IS ONLY POOR JIM, WHO HAPPENED TO MARRY THE WRONG GIRL; AND SOMETIMES WHEN SHE IS PARTICULARLY UNENDURABLE, HE REMEMBERS THE OTHER ONE.
“There is no harm in a summer flirtation,” says many a young man. But what is fair for one is fair for the other, and When it comes to the more serious business of life, this young man should he the last to blame her for exercising a little forethought.
THE RIVAL OPERAS.
NOT A FLATTERER.
She: All of which only convinces me that you married me for my money.
He: Well, it may not seem probable, but I honestly loved you.
$ $ $
YES, SHE FINALLY MARRIED HIM, BUT WE UNDERSTAND FROM THE DOG THERE ARE MOMENTS WHEN IT SEEMS AS IF THERE WAS SOMETHING WANTING.
The Young One: I beg your pardon, sir, but I believe it is my turn next.
LIFE’S BIRTHDAY.
“By the way, Bishop, why is it that you always address your congregation as ‘brethren,’ and never mention the women in your sermons?”
“But, my dear Madam, the one embraces the other.”
“Oh, but, Bishop, not in church!”
VACATION IS OVER.
THE NEW LEAF.
Bishop Gullem: My dear young lady, have you started in this year to do unto others as you would have them do unto you?
Dear Young Lady: Yes. I’ve quit speaking to those Grigsby girls.
HER FIRST APPEARANCE IN THIS COSTUME.
SHE THINKS, ON THE WHOLE, SHE FEELS MORE AT HOME IN A BALL DRESS.
IN LEAP YEAR.
AFTER THE WEDDING COMES THE PARTING OF THE WEEPING GROOM FROM HIS BROKEN-HEARTED PARENTS.
IN LEAP YEAR.
THE GENTLEMEN LEAVE THE LADIES TO THEIR TOBACCO AND WINE.
IN LEAP YEAR.
LET HUBBY DO THE SITTING UP.
IN LEAP YEAR.
THE LADIES, AFTER A LITTLE WINE AND TOBACCO, JOIN THE GENTLEMEN IN THE DRAWING-ROOM.
IN LEAP YEAR.
THE LADIES CALLING CARRIAGES FOR THE GENTLEMEN AFTER THE THEATRE.
IN LEAP YEAR.
NOT SO GOOD FOR THE UNATTRACTIVE MEN.
IN LEAP YEAR.
A WEDDING.
IN LEAP YEAR.
THE DEAR GIRLS AND THE CHAPERONE ACCUSTOM THEMSELVES TO THE BACK SEATS.
THAT EVENING HER ENGAGEMENT WAS ANNOUNCED.
AMERICA’S TRIBUTE.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE MAN WHO IS PAYING FOR THE DINNER.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE HEIRESS.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE NOBLEMAN.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE GIRL WHO HAS BEEN KISSED WITHIN TEN MINUTES.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE TWO LOVERS.
PUZZLE.
FIND THE WIFE OF THE MAN WHO IS TELLING THE STORY.
PUZZLE.
A FUNNY STORY. FIND THE ENGLISHMAN.
ON THE ROAD TO VERSAILLES.
A PRIMA DONNA’S DEBUT.
THE FORTUNE TELLER.
IN PARIS.
AT THE CAFÉ AMERICAIN.
MADAME RÉJANE.
IN PARIS.
A CAFÉ ARTIST.
IN PARIS.
SOME SIDEWALK TYPES.
IN PARIS.
AT THE JARDIN DE PARIS.
If the young man is depending upon the success of his picture for the old gentleman’s consent, when does the wedding take place?
