LAUGHS
Reading edition
"I had an awful time with Amos last night." "Amos who?" "A mosquito."
"So you want to marry my daughter; what are your prospects?" "That is for you to say, sir; I am not a mind reader."
Sunday School Teacher—Is your papa a Christian, Bobby? Little Bobby—No'm. Not to-day. He's got a toothache.
Teacher—Now, Patsy, would it be proper to say, 'You can't learn me nothing?' Patsy—Yes'm. Teacher—Why? Patsy—'Cause yer can't.
"No, I can never be your wife." "What? Am I never to be known as the husband of the beautiful Mrs. Smith?" She succumbed.
"How do you distinguish the waiters from the guests in this cafe? Both wear full dress." "Yes, but the waiters keep sober!"
Albert Asker—Mamma, may I go out in the street? They say there's going to be an eclipse of the sun. Mrs. Asker—Yes, but don't go too near.
Teacher—What do we see above us when we go out on a clear day? Harry—We see the blue sky. "Correct, and what do we see above us on a rainy day?" "An umbrella."
Mother—I gave you a nickel yesterday to be good, and to-day you are just as bad as you can be. Willie—Yes, ma I'm trying to show you that you got your money's worth yesterday.