If You Were Here. (ANY HUSBAND TO ANY WIFE, WITH APOLOGIES TO ALFRED AUSTIN.)

F you were here, if you were here, My butcher’s bill would be more clear, The Life Guards out for exercise Would not so often raise their eyes To where the housemaids smile and smirk, And play the hours away at work. If you were here my morning tea Perchance would slightly stronger be, My evenings, now so lone and long, Might know the solace of a song; I should not feel inclined to shriek When chairs and tables groan and creak. My midnight ghosts I should not fear If you were here, if you were here. ’Tis sad to be alone; but still There is some sugar round the pill. I’m master now, and have my way— There’s no one here to say me nay. Though all is silent as the tomb, I smoke my pipe in ev’ry room. When out no train I rush to catch— My key goes boldly in the latch. No more, lest I disturb your sleep, On tiptoe up the stairs I creep. Nor do I have to scratch my pate To think what kept me out so late. And that I’d oft to do, my dear, When you were here, when you were here.