THE LAY OF THE CIVIL SERVANT

I am the very model of a modern Civil Servant,— My ambition for the strenuous life’s particularly fervent. I know a host of pleasant facts and many a pleasing fiction, Among which last I may include, a member’s “firm conviction.” I know the day and month of every statutory feast,— But why these days are “Holy Days,” it matters not the least. I know the Civil Service List and everybody’s pay And why they came, why they’re here, and their likely length of stay; I can see a hole in a ladder and know a Pull when I feel it, And the modus operandi of getting a thing without having to steal it. I know the Civil Service Act and how it’s circumvented Who is who in Parliament, what’s real and what pretended. I know about Elipse of Stress and why a bridge breaks down And all about the vested rights and the powers of the Crown. I know when to work moderato and when fortissimo, What’s the diff. between in and out, in fact I’m in the know; I know about contractors and their peculiar ways, How honestly they always act, especially when it pays. I’m very well acquainted, too, with social etiquette, Have shook Gov.-General’s hands and Ministers have met. And yet with all my knowing it grieves me much to say That as yet I’ve not discovered how to get a raise in pay. I have a ready flow of words, which passes for profundity, But really a few scattered wits, are all that fills, my head’s rotundity.