Volume 2 — Pasture Pot Pourri
Reading edition
A bumble bee backed up to me and pushed.
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When things come to a head it will be some tale.
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She—I’ll have you understand I got my musical education from abroad.
He—I got worse than that from abroad.
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It Isn’t What You Used to Was
Here’s to the man of forty and past, Who’s lived his young life and lived it fast; And here’s to his wife of twenty-four, Who kisses him sweetly and coaxes for more; But all that he’ll do is to buzz and buzz And tell what a guy he used to was.
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“Oi, Oi, Ikey, I’ve got a joke on you. You forgot to pull your vindow curtain down last night and I could see you and your vife all de time.”
“No, No. Abie, the joke’s on you. I vasn’t home at all last night.”
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When I was young and had some sense, I tried to jump a barb wire fence. —Mascot.
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Kissing a woman is like taking olives out of a bottle—get the first one and the rest come easy.
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That Famous Lullaby
Sleep, baby, sleep, You’re mama’s pet; Though your father voted dry, You were always wet.
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It has been said that the only possible way to get some men to the front is by kicking them in the rear, which reminds us of the Russian Jewish battalion in the recent Polish invasion that was cut off in the front while running to the rear.
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A few months ago the girls ran away from a drunken man—now they run after him to see where he got it.
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You tell ’em, locomotive; you’ve got a tender behind you.
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Arabella: “Children are such an expense nowadays, I don’t see why you have so many.”
Mrs. Murphy: “Well, you know there are moments in the lives of all great men when they don’t care a darn for expenses.”
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Born in Kentucky, Raised in Tennessee, Won’t somebody come And shimmie with me. —Shakesbeer.
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Youngblood, arrested in St. Paul, on trial:
Police Judge—“Who brought you here?”
Youngblood—“Two policemen.”
Judge—“Drunk, I suppose?”
Y. B.—“Yes, both of them.”
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Father said: “My boy, when I was your age down on the farm, I retired with the chickens.”
Son replied: “That’s nothing, dad, so do I.”
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She may be a moonshiner’s daughter, but I love her “still.”
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Oh, my daddy’s in the back yard A-sawing a log; Baby’s in the cradle A-walking the dawg, Oh! Honey, how long must I wait Shall I get you now Or must I hesitate?
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Say a kind word for Patrick O’Toole He borrowed a feather to tickle a mule.
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Here’s to the girl with the high-heeled shoes Who eats my lobsters and drinks my booze And taxies home to mother to snooze. I’ll marry her yet.
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Too Obvious
Sunday School Teacher—Which bird did Noah send out of the Ark to find out what the weather was like?
Small Girl—Please, teacher, a weather-cock.
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Foolish Rimes
There was a young lady from France Who got on the train by chance, Along came her sister Who immediately kissed her, And the “brakie” went off in a trance.
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It is never too hot to dance, if you are that young.