THE NOBLE GENTLEMAN. A Comedy. (continued 2)

Actus Quintus. Scæna Prima.

Enter Duke and Jaques.

Duke. Not gone unto my Tenants to relate My Grace and Honor; [and] the mightiness Of my new name, which would have struck a terror Through their course doublets, to their very hearts? Jaq. Alas, great Lord and Master, I could scarce With safety of my life return again Unto your graces house, and but for one That had some mercy, I had sure been hang'd. Duke. My house? J[a]q. Yes Sir, this house, your house i' th' Town. Duke. Jaques we are displeas'd, hath it no name? Jaq. What name? Duke. Dull rogue; what hath the King bestow'd So many honors, open'd all his springs, And show'red his graces down upon my head, And has my house no name? no title yet? Burgundy house you ass. Jaq. Your graces mercy, when I was come off, and had recover'd Burgundy house, I durst not yet be seen, But lay all night for fear of pursevants In Burgundy privie house. Duke. Oh Sir, 'tis well, Can you remember now? but Jaques know Since thy intended journey is so crost, I will go down my self this morning. Jaq. Sir? Duke. Have I not said this morning? Jaq. But consider, That nothing is prepared yet for your journey, Your graces teams not here to draw your cloaths; And not a Carrier yet in town to send by. Duke. I say once more go about it, You're a wise man, you'd have me linger time, Till I have worn these cloaths out: will ye go? [Ex. Jaq. Make ye ready Wife.

Enter Wife.

Duc. I am so, mighty Duke. Duke. Nay, for the Countrey. Duc. How? for the Countrey? Duke. Yes I am resolv'd to see my Tenants in this bravery, Make them a sumptuous feast, with a slight shew, Of Dives and Lazarus, and a squib or two, And so return. Duc. Why Sir? you are not mad? Duke. How many Dukes have ye known mad? I pray speak. Duc. You are the first, Sir, and I hope the last, But you are stark horn-mad. Duke. Forbear good wife. Duc. As I have faith you're mad: your horns Have been too heavy for you, and have broke Your skull in pieces: If you be in earnest. Duke. Well, you shall know my skull and wits are whole E'r I have done, and yet I am in earnest. Duc. Why, do you think I'll go? Duke. I know you shall. Duc. I shall? by what authority shall I? Duke. I am your Husband. Duc. True, I confess it, And by that name, the world hath given you A power to sway me; but Sir, you shall know There is a greater bond that ties me here, Allegeance to the King, has he not heapt Those honors on you to no other end, But to stay you here, and shall I have a hand In the offending such a gracious Prince? Besides, our own undoings lies upon't, Were there no other cause, I do not see, Why you should go: If I should say you should not. Duke. Do you think so? Duc. Yes faith. Duke. Now good wife make me understand that point. Duc. Why that you shall, did I not bring you hither? Duke. Yes. Duc. And were not all these honors wrought out of the fire by me? Duke. By you? Duc. By me? how strange you make it! When you came first, did you not walk the Town, In a long Cloak half compass? an old Hat, Lin'd with Vellure, and on it for a band, A skein of crimson Cruil? Duke. I confess it. Duc. And took base courses? Duke. Base? Duc. Base, by this light, extream base, and scurvie, monstrous base. Du[k]e. What were these courses, wife? Duc. Why, you shall know, Did you not thus attir'd, trot up and down, Plotting for vild and lowsie Offices, And agreed with the Sergeant of the Bears, To buy his place? deny this, if you can. Duke. Why it is true. Duc. And was not that monstrous base? Duke. Be advis'd wife, a Bear's a Princely beast. Duc. A Bear? Duke. Yes wife, and one side venison. Duc. You're more than one side fool, [I'm] sure of that. Duke. But since you have vext me wife, know you shall go; Or you shall never have penny from me. Duc. Nay, I have done, and though I know 'twill be Your overthrow, I'll not forsake you now. Duke. Be ready then. [Exit Duke. Duc. I will.

Enter Bewf. Long. Serv. Maria.

Long. What are you married Bewford? Bew. I, as fast as words, and hearts, and hands, and Priest can make us. Duc. Oh Gentlemen, we are undone. Long. For what? Duc. This Gentleman, the Lord of Lor[n]e, my Husband, Will be gone down to shew his play-fellows Where he is gay. Bew. What, down into [the] Countrey? Duc. Yes faith, was ever fool but he so cross? I would as fain be gracious to him, As he could wish me, but he will not let me; Speak faithfully, will he deserve my mercy? Long. According to his merits he should wear, A guarded coat, and a great wooden dagger. Duc. If there be any woman that doth know, The duties 'twixt a Husband and his wife, Will speak but one word for him, he shall scape; Is not that reasonable? but there's none, Be ready therefore, to pursue the plot We had against a pinch, for he must stay. Long. Wait you here for him, whilst I goe And make the King acquainted with your sport, For fear he be incens'd for our attempting Places of so great honor. [Exit Long. Duc. Go, be speedy.

Enter Duke, Cosin, Wife, Jaques, Man.

Duke. Come let me see how all things are dispos'd of. Jaq. One Cart will serve for all your furniture, With room enough behind to ease the Footman, A capcase for you[r] linnen, and your plate, With a strange lock that opens with Amen, For my young Lord, because of easie portage, A quiver of your graces lin'd with Cunney, Made to be hang'd about the Nurses neck, Thus, with a Scarfe or Towel. Duke. Very good. Jaq. Nay, 'tis well, but had you staid another week, I would have had you furnisht, in such pomp, As never Duke of Burgundy was furnisht, You should have had a Sumpter, though 't had cost me The laying on my self, where now you are fain, To hire a Rippers mare, and buy new dossers, But I have got them painted with your Arms, With a fair darnex Carpet of my own Laid cross for the more state. Duke. Jaques I thank you: your Carpet shall be brusht And sent you home; what, are you ready wife? Duc. An hour ago. Duke. I cannot chuse but kiss thy royal Lips, Dear Duchess mine, thou art so good a woman. Bew. Youl'd say so if you knew all, goodman Duckling. Cos. This was the happiest fortune could befal me Now in his absence will I follow close Mine own preferment, and I hope e'r long, To make my mean and humble name so strong, As my great Cosins, when the world shall know, I bear too hot a spirit to live low. The next Spring will I down, my wife and houshold, I'll have my Ushers, and my four Lacquies, Six spare Caroches too, but mum, no more, What I intend to do, I'll keep in store. Duke. Mountey, mountey, Jaques, be our Querry. Groom. To horse there Gentlemen, and fall in couples. Duke. Come honoured Duchess.

Enter Longavile.

Long. Stand thou proud man. Duke. Thieves, Jaques, raise the people. Long. No, raise no people, 'tis the Kings command, Which bids thee once more stand, thou haughty man, Thou art a monster, for thou art ungrateful, And like a fellow of a rebel nature, Hast flung from his embraces: and for His honors given thee, hast not return'd So much as thanks, and to oppose his Will, Resolv'd to leave the Court, and set the Realm A fire, in discontent, and open action: Therefore he bids thee stand, thou proud man, Whilst with the whisking of my sword about, I take thy honors off: this first sad whisk Takes off thy Dukedom, thou art but an Earl. Duke. You are mistaken, Longavile. Long. Oh would I were: this second whisk divides Thy Earldom from thee, thou art yet a Baron. Duke. No more whisks if you love me Longavile. Long. Two whisks are past, and two are yet behind, Yet all must come, but not to linger time. With these two whisks I end, now mount Marine, For thou art now no more, so says the King, And I have done his Highness Will with grief. Duke. Degraded from my honors? Long. 'Tis too certain. Duke. I am no Traitor sure, that I know of; Speak Jaques, hast thou ever heard me utter word Tending to Treason, or to bring in the enemy? Jaq. Alas Sir, I know nothing, Why should your Worship bring me in to hang me? [God's my judge Gentlemen] I never medled But with the brushing of his cloaths, or fetching In water in a morning for his hands. Cos. Are these the honors of this place? Anthony Help me to take her Gown off quickly, Or I'll so swinge ye for't— Wife. Why Husband? Sir? Cos. I'll not loose a penny by this town. Long. Why what do you mean, Sir, have her to her lodging, And there undress her, I will wait upon her. Cos. Indeed you shall not, your month is out I take it, Get you out before me wife: Cosin farewel, I told you long agoe, That pride begins with pleasure, ends with woe. [Exit with's Wife. Bew. Goe thy way sentences, 'twill be thy fortune, To live and dye a Cuckold, and Churchwarden. Duc. Oh my poor Husband! what a heavy fortune Is fallen upon him! Bew. Methinks 'tis strange, That heaven fore-warning great men of their falls, With such plain tokens, they should not avoid 'em: For the last night betwixt eleven and twelve, Two great and hideous blazing stars were seen To fight a long hour by the clock, the one Drest like a Duke, the other like a King; Till at the last the crowned Star o'er-came. Serv. Why do ye stand so dead, Monsieur Marine? Duke. So Cæsar fell, when in the Capitol They gave his body two and thirty wounds. Be warned all ye Peers, and by my fall, Hereafter learn to let your wives rule all. Serv. Monsieur Marine, pray let me speak with you; Sir, I must wave you to conceal this party, It stands upon my utter overthrow; Seem not discontented, nor do not stir afoot, For if you do, you and your hope— I swear you are a lost man if you stir. And have an eye to Bewford, he'll tempt you. Bew. Come, come, for shame go down; Were I Marine, [by heaven] I would go down: And being there, I would rattle him such an answer Should make him smoke. Duke. Good Monsieur Bewford, peace Leave these rebellious words, Or by the honors which I once enjoyed, And yet may swear by, I'll tell the King of your proceedings; I am satisfied. Wife. You talkt of going down when 'twas not fit, But now let's see your spirit, A thousand and a thousand will expect it. Duke. Why wife, are ye mad? Wife. No, nor drunk, but I'd have you know your own strength. Duke. You talke like a most foolish woman, wife; I tell you I will stay, yet I have a Crotchet troubles me. Long. More crotchets yet? Duke. Follow me Jaques, I must have thy counsel, I will return again, stay you there wife. Long. I fear this loss of honor will give him some few stools. Wif. No, no, he is resolv'd, he will not Stir a foot, I'll lay my life. Bew. I, but he's discontented, how shall we resolve that, And make him stay with comfort? Wife. Faith Bewford we must even let nature work, For he's the sweetest temper'd man for that As one can wish, for let men but go about to fool him, And he'll have his finger as deep in't as the best; But see where he comes frowning, bless us all!

Enter Duke.

Duke. Off with your hats, for here doth come The high and mighty Duke of Burgundy. What ever you may think, I have thought And thought, and thought upon't, and I find it plain, The King cannot take back what he has given, Unless I forfeit it by course of Law. Not all the water in the River Seine, Can wash the blood out of these Princely veins. Wife. God-a-mercy Husband, thou art the best To work out a thing at a pinch in France. Duke. I will ascend my State again, Duchess, take your place, And let our Champion enter. Long. Has he his Champion? that's excellent. Duke. And let loud Musick sound before his entrance. Sound Trumpet.

Enter Jaques in Armor, one carrying a Scutcheon before him, and a two-handed Sword.

Wife. How well our Champion doth demean himself, As if he had been made for such an action? Methinks his sturdy truncheon he doth weild, Like Mars approaching to a bloody field. Duke. I think there's no man so desperate To dare encounter with our Champion, But trust me, Jaques, thou hast pleas'd us well; Once more our warlike Musick, then proceed.

Enter Shattillion.

Shat. What wondrous age is this! what close proceedings! I hear the clang of Trumpets in this house, To what intent do not our States-men search? Oh no, they look not into simple truth; For I am true, and they regard not me, A man in Armor too: God save the King, The world will end, there's nought but treachery. Jaq. I Jaques, servant to the high and mighty Godfrey, Duke of Burgundy, do come hither to prove by natural strength, and activity of my body, without the help of sorcery, inchantment, or negromancy, that the said Godfrey, late of Mount Marine, and now of Burgundy, hath perfect right thereto, notwithstanding the Kings command to the contrary, and no other person whatsoever: and in token that I will be ready to make good the same: I throw down my gage, which is my honor, pronounced the 37 of Feb. Stilo novo, God save the Duke. Shat. Of all the plots the King hath laid for me This was the shrewdest, 'tis my life they seek And they shall have it: if I should refuse To accept the challenge in the Kings behalf, They have some cause to take away my life, And if I do accept it, who can tell, But I may fall by doubtful chance of War? 'Twas shrew'd, but I must take the least of evils, I take thy gauntlet up, thou treacherous man, That stands in armed Coat against the King. Whom God preserve, and with my single sword, Will justifie whatever he commands; I'll watch him for catching of my words. Duke. Jaques go on, defend our Princely Title. Shat. Why shrink'st thou back? thou hast an evil cause; Come forward man, I have a rock about me, I fight for my true Liege. Duke. Go forward Jaques. Jaq. I do beseech your Grace to pardon me, I will not fight with him, with any else I'll shew my resolution speedily. Shat. Come, do thy worst, for the King shall see All is not true, that is reported of me. Jaq. I may not fight with him by Law of Arms. Duke. What? shall my Title fall? wilt thou not fight? Jaq. Never with him that once hath sav'd my life. Shat. Dar'st thou not fight? behold then, I do go Strong with the zeal I bear my Sovereign, And seize upon that haughty man himself. Descend the steps (that thou hast thus usurp'd Against the King and State,) down to the ground, And if thou do utter but a syllable To cross the Kings intent, thou art but dead; There, lye upon the earth, and pine, and dye. Did ever any man wade through such storms To save his life, as poor Shattillion? Long. I fear this challenge hath spoil'd all. Duc. Ne'er fear it, he'll work it out again, servant. See where Shattillion's Love, poor Lady, comes.

Enter Love.

Duke. Jaques. Jaq. Lie still, Sir, if you love your life, I'll whistle when he's gone, Love. Oh Gentlemen, I charge you by the Love Which you bear to women, take some pitty On this distressed man, help to restore That precious Jewel to him he hath lost. Bew. Lady, what ever power doth lie in us By Art, or Prayer, or danger, we are yours. Love. A strange conceit hath wrought this malady, Conceits again must bring him to himself, My strict denial to his Will wrought this: And if you could but draw his wilder thoughts To know me, he would sure recover sense. Long. That charge I'll undertake. Duke. Look Jaques, look, for Gods sake let me rise, This greatness is a jade, I cannot sit it. Jaq. His sword is up, and yet he watcheth you. Du. I'll down again, pray for thy Master, Jaques. Shat. Now the King may see all the suggestions are not true, He hath receiv'd against my loyalty; When all men else refuse, I fight his battels, And thrust my body into dangers mouth; I am become his Champion, and this sword Has taught his enemies to know themselves; Oh that he would no more be jealous of me! Long. Monsieur Shattillion, the King ass[ign]s you, That for this valiant loyal act of yours, He hath forgot all jealousies and fears, And never more will tempt you into danger. Shat. But how shall I believe this, what new token Of reconcilement will he shew me? Let him release my poor Love from her torment, From her hard fare, and strict imprisonment. Long. He hath done this to win your after-love, And see your Lady sent you from the King By these two Gentlemen: be thankful for her. Shat. She lives, she lives, I know her by the power Shoots from her eyes. Love. Rise dear Shattillion. Shat. I know my duty, Next unto my King, I am to kneel to you. Love. I'll have you rise, fetch me a chair, sit down Shat. Shat. I am commanded, and faith tell me Mistriss, What usage have you had? pray be plain! Love. Oh my most lov'd Shattillion, pain enough, But now I am free, thanks to my God and King. Long. His eyes grow very heavy, not a word, That his weak senses may come sweetly home. Shat. The King is honourable. Duke. When do you whistle Jaques? Jaq. By and by. Long. Come hither Monsieur, canst thou laugh a little? Serv. Yes Sir. Long. So thou shalt then. Bewford, how dost thou? Bew. Why well. Long. I'm glad on't, and how does thy wife? Bew. Why, you may see her, Sir, she stands behind you. Long. By the mass she's there indeed, but where's her belly? Bew. Belly? Long. Her great belly, man; what hast thou sent thee? Serv. A Boy, I'll lay my life, it tumbled so. Bew. Catcht by this light. Long. I'll be a Gossip Bewford. Serv. And I. Long. I have an odd Apostle spoon. Bew. S'foot, catcht. Duc. Why, what's the matter, Gentlemen? Long. He's married to your woman. Duc. And I not know it? Serv. 'Twas a venial sin. Bew. Gall, gall, gall. Duc. Forgive her, Monsieur Bewford, 'twas her love. Bew. You may rise if you please, I must endure it. Long. See how my great Lord lies upon the ground And dare not stir yet! Jaques whistles? Duke. Jaques, Jaques, is the Kings Champion gon yet? Jaq. No, but he's asleep. Duke. Is he asleep art sure? Jaq. I am sure he is, I hear him snore. Duke. Then by your favours Gentlemen I rise, And know I am a Duke still. Jaq. And I am his Champion. Duc. Hold thee there, and all France cannot mend thee. Duke. I am a Prince as great within my thoughts As when the whole state did adorn my person; What trial can be made to try a Prince? I will [o]ppose this noble corps of mine To any danger that may end the doubt. Duc. Great Duke, and Husband, there is but one way To satisfie the world of our true right, And it is dangerous. Duke. What may it be? Were it to bring the great Turk bound in chains Through France in triumph: or to couple up The Sophie, and great Prestor John together, I would attempt it Duchess, tell the course. Duc. There is a strong opinion through the world, And no doubt, grounded on experience, That Lions will not touch a lawful Prince, If you be confident then of your right, Amongst the Lions bear your naked body, And if you come off clear, and never winch, The world will say you are a perfect Prince. Duke. I thank you Duchess, for your kind advice, But now we do not affect those ravenous beasts. Long. A Lion is a beast to try a King; But for the trial of such a state like this Pliny reports a mastive dog will serve. Duke. We will not deal with dogs at all, but men. Serv. You shall not need to deal with them at all, Hark you Sir, the King doth know you are a Duke: Duke. No, does he? Serv. Yes, and is content you shall be, but with this caution, That none know it but your self: For if ye do, he'll take it away by Act of Parliament. Duke. Here's my hand, and whilst I live or breath, No living wight shall know I am a Duke. Serv. Mark me directly, Sir, your wife may know it. Duke. May not Jaques. Serv. Yes, he may. Duke. May not my Countrey Cosin? Serv. By no means, Sir, if you love your life and state. Duke. Well then, know all, I am no Duke. Serv. No, I'll swear it. Long. See, he wakes. Shat. Where am I, or where have I been all this while? Sleep hath not sate so sound upon mine eyes But I remember well that face; Oh thou too cruel, leave at length to scorn Him that but looking on thy beauty, dies, Either receive me, or put out my eyes. Love. Dearest Shattillion, see upon my knees, I offer up my love, forget my wrongs. Shat. Art thou mine own? Love. By heaven I am. Shat. Then all the world is mine. Love. I have stranger things to tell thee, my dearest love. Shat. Tell nothing, but that thou art mine own: I do not care to know where I have been, Or how I have liv'd, or any thing, But that thou art my own. Bew. Well wife, though 'twere a trick that made us wed, We'll make our selves merry soon in bed. Duke. Know all, I am no Duke. Wife. What [saye]? Duke. Jaques? Jaq. Sir. Duke. I am a Duke. Both. Are ye? Duke. Yes faith, yes faith. But it must only run among our selves, And Jaques, thou shalt be my Secretary still. Wife. Kind Gentlemen, lead in Shattillion, For he must needs be weak and sickly yet. Now all my labours have a perfect end, as I could wish, Let all young sprightly wives that have Dull foolish coxcombs to their Husbands, Learn by me their duties, what to do, Which is, to make 'em fools, and please 'em too. [Exeunt.

EPILOGUE.

The Monuments of virtue, and desert, Appear more goodly, when the gloss of Art Is eaten off by time, than when at first They were set up, not censur'd at the worst. We'ave done our best, for your contents to fit, With new pains, this old monument of wit.