THE CAPTAIN.
Reading edition
A COMEDY.
Persons Represented in the Play.
Julio, a noble Gentleman, in Love with Lelia.
Angelo, a Gentleman, friend to Juli[o].
Lodovico, } two Cowardly Gulls.
Piso, }
Frederick, a Gentleman, Brother to Frank.
Jacomo, an angry Captain, a Woman-hater.
Fabritio, a merry Souldier, friend to Jacomo.
Lelia's Father, an old poor Gentleman.
Host.
Vintner.
Drawers.
Servants.
WOMEN.
Frank, Sister to Frederick, a Lady passionately in love with Jacomo.
Cl[o]ra, Sister to Fabritio, a witty companion to Frank.
Lelia, a cunning wanton Widow.
Waiting-woman.
Maid Servants.
The Scene Venice, Spain.
The principal Actors were,
Richard Burbadge.
Henry Condel.
William Ostler.
Alexander Cooke.
Actus Primus. Scena Prima.
Enter Lodovico, and Piso.
Lodovico. The truth is, Piso, so she be a woman And rich and wholsome, let her be of what Condition and Complexion it please, She shall please me I am sure; Those men are fools That make their eyes their choosers, not their needs. Piso. Me thinks I would have her honest too, and handsom. Lod. Yes if I could have both, but since they are Wishes so near impossibilities, Let me have that that may be. Piso. If it were so, I hope your conscience would not be so nice To start at such a blessing. Lod. No believe me, I do not think I should. Piso. But thou would'st be I do not doubt upon the least suspicion Unmercifully jealous. Lod. No I should not, For I believe those mad that seek vexations. A Wife, though she be honest, is a trouble, Had I a Wife as fair as Hellen was That drew so many Cuckolds to her cause, These eyes should see another in my Saddle Ere I believe my beast would carry double. Piso. So should not I by'our Lady, and I think My patience (by your leave) as good as yours, Report would stir me mainly, I am sure on't. Lod. Report? You are unwise; report is nothing; For if there were a truth in what men talk, I mean of this kind, this part of the world I am sure would be no more call'd Christendom. Piso. What then? Lod. Why Cuckoldom, for we should lose Our old faiths clean, and hold their new opinions: If talk could make me sweat, before I would marry I'd tie a surer knot, and hang my self; I tell thee there was never woman yet, (Nor never hope there shall be) though a Saint, But she has been a subject to mens tongues, And in the worse sense: and that desperate Husband, That dares give up his peace, and follow humours (Which he shall find too busie, if he seek 'em) Besides the forcing of himself an Ass He dyes in chains, eating himself with anger. Piso. Having these Antidotes against opinion I would marry any one; an arrant Whore. Lod. Thou dost not feel the nature of this Physick Which I prescribe not to beget diseases, But where they are, to stop them. Piso. I conceive ye: What thinkest thou, thy way, of the widow Lelia? Lod. Faith thou hast found out one I must confess Would stagger my best patience: From that woman As I would bless my self from plagues and surfeits, From Men of war at Sea, from storms, and quicksands, From hearing Treason and concealing it, From daring of a Madman, or a Drunkard, From Heresie, ill Wine, and stumbling post Horse; So would I pray each morning, and each night (And if I said each hour, I should not lye) To be delivered of all these in one, The woman thou hast named.
Enter Julio, Angelo, and Father.
Piso. Thou hast set her in a pretty Litany. Ang. Pray take my counsel. Jul. When I am my self I'le hear you any way; love me though thus As thou art honest, which I dare not be Lest I despise my self. Farewel. [Exit Julio. Piso. Do you hear my friend: Sir, are you not a setter, For the fair widow here of famous memory? Fa. Ha? am I taken for a Bawd? Oh Heaven! To mine own child too? misery, I thank thee That keepst me from their knowledge: Sir, believe me I understand ye not. Lod. You love plain dealing. Are you not parcel Bawd? confess your Function, It may be we would use it. Fa. Were she worse, As I fear strangely she is ill enough, I would not hear this tamely. Piso. Here's a shilling To strike good luck withal. Fa. Here's a Sword, Sir, To strike a Knave withal, thou lyest, and basely, Be what thou wilt. Ang. Why how now Gentlemen? Fa. You are many: I shall meet you, Sir, again, And make you understand, y'have wrong'd a Woman Compar'd with whom thy Mother was a sinner. Farewel. [Exit Father. Piso. He has amazed me. Ang. With a blow? By'r Lady 'twas a sound one; are ye good At taking knocks? I shall know you hereafter: You were to blame to tempt a man so far Before you knew him certain: h'as not hurt ye? Piso. No I think. Lod. We were to blame indeed to go so far, For men may be mistaken: if he had swinged us H'had serv'd us right: Beshrew my heart, I think, We have done the Gentlewoman as much wrong too, For hang me if I know her In my particular. Piso. Nor I; this 'tis to credit Mens idle tongues; I warrant they have said As much by our two Mothers. Lod. Like enough. Ang. I see a beating now and then does more Move and stir up a mans contrition Than a sharp Sermon, here probatum est.
Enter Frederick, and Servant.
Ser. What shall I tell your Sister? Fred. Tell her this, Till she be better conversation'd And leave her walking by her self, and whining To her old melancholy Lute, I'le keep As far from her as the Gallows. [Exit Servant. Ang. Who's that, Frederick? Fred. Yes marry is't. O Angelo how dost thou? Ang. Save you Sir, how does my Mistris? Fred. She is in love I think, but not with you I can assure you: saw ye Fabritio? Ang. Is he come over? Fred. Yes a week ago: Shall we dine? Ang. I cannot. Fred. Prethee do. Ang. Believe me I have business. Fred. Have you too, Gentlemen? Piso. No Sir. Fred. Why then let's dine together. Lod. With all my heart. Fred. Go then: Farewel good Angelo, Commend me to your friend. Ang. I will. [Exeunt.