THE RATS OF LIFE.—Charles T. Congdon.

Rats! rats! rats! Pen-and-ink rats in their holes on high, Writing libels for fools to buy; Squabbling ever—the same old tune— The hinted lie, or the broad lampoon! Rats whose virtue can never fail, Though each one carries his price on his tail; Some bite like scorpions—some like gnats; Know ye the names of the Editor Rats? Rats! rats! rats! Rats that the belfried churches nurse, Drearily drawling chapter and verse; Offering ever for human ills Only the barren letter that kills; Gnawing the Ark of the Covenant through, From velvet cushion to padded pew; Beating the dust to blind the flats! Know ye the names of the Reverend Rats? Rats! rats! rats! Rats in ermine holding moot, With law in parcels at prices to suit; Shaping, inventing to cover the case, Precedent musty or dictum base, Gad! how they gibber to suitors below: "If so be it thus, why then thus be it so!" Leges non curant—verhum sat! Know ye the name of the Legal Rat? Rats! rats! rats! Rats in the ancient Temple of Mind— Mumbling maggots and munching rind! Scrubbing and patching, splicing and jointing, With particles Greek and with Hebrew pointing. Proving virtue itself a sin, By a comma left out or a colon left in; Of guesses and glosses the autocrats: Know ye the names of the Learned Rats? Rats! rats! rats! By beds where the dying pant for life! How snug they stand with lancet and knife; While the vampyre tugs at the fluttering heart, How they jabber jargon of middle-aged art! Soothing pain when 'tis savage and strong By naming it something Latin and long! A grain of this and a scruple of that!— Know ye the name of the Medical Rat? Rats! rats! rats! Rats that run in the month of May Rats of reform and right are they! Rats who believe the hottest of speeches Soonest the shame and sorrow reaches; Generous rats whose chiefest delight Is to set the order of Providence right; Lean, or hairy, or greasy, or fat, Know ye the name of the Platform Rat? Rats! rats! rats! Oh, Truth and Justice, and Common-Sense When will you drive this rat-tribe hence? Bait 'em and beat 'em! hurry 'em! skurry 'em! With satire and scorn and laughter flurry 'em! In hole and corner and cranny to hide, The Flunkey Rat, and the Rat of Pride, Selfishness, Pedantry, Cant, and all that, Till nobody hears of a single Rat!