Chapter V · THE G. A. C. (continued 2)

He has gone to the War.

I cannot write more.

10 P. M. I can now think better, although still weeping at intervals. I must write down all that has happened, as I do not feel like telling Jane, or indeed anybody.

Always before I have had no Secrets from Jane, even in matters of the Other Sex. But I feel very strange about this and like thinking about it rather than putting it into speach.

Also I feel very kind toward everybody, and wish that I had been a better girl in many ways. I have tried to be good, and have never smoked cigarettes or been decietful except when forced to be by the Familey not understanding. But I know I am far from being what Carter Brooks thinks me to be.

I have called Hannah and given her my old watch, with money to for a new chrystal. Also stood by at Salute while my father brought in the Emblem. For William can no longer do it, as he was not really a Butler at all but a Secret Service Inspector, and also being still in the Hospital, although improving.

He had not told the Familey, as he was afraid they would not then treat him as a real Butler. As for the code in the pantrey, it was really not such, but the silver list, beginning with 48 D. K. or dinner knives, etcetera. When taking my Father’s Dispach Case from the safe, it was to keep the real Spies from getting it. He did it every night, and took the important papers out until morning, when he put them back.

To-night my father brought in the Emblem and folded it. He then said:

“Well, I admit that Fathers are not real Substatutes for young men in Unaform, but in times of Grief they may be mighty handy to tie to.” He then put his arms around me and said: “You see, Bab, the real part of War, for a woman—and you are that now, Bab, in spite of your years—the real thing she has to do is not the fighting part, although you are about as good a soldier as any I know. The thing she has to do is to send some one she cares about, and then sit back and wait.”

As he saw that I was agatated, he then kissed me and sugested that we learn something more than the first verse of the National Hymn, as he was tired of making his lips move and thus pretending to sing when not actualy doing so.

I shall now record about Carter Brooks coming today. I was in a chair with pilows and so on, when Leila came in and kissed me, and then said:

“Bab, are you able to see a caller?”

I said yes, if not the Police, as I had seen a great many and was tired of telling about Henry and Henry’s friend, etcetera.

“Not the Police,” she said.

She then went out in the hall and said:

“Come up. It’s all right.”

I then saw a Soldier in the door, and could not beleive that it was Carter Brooks, until he saluted and said:

“Captain, I have come to report. Owing to the end of the Easter Holadays the Girls’ Aviation Corps——”

I could no longer be silent. I cried:

“Oh, Carter!”

So he came into the room and turned round, saying:

“Some soldier, eh?”

Leila had gone out, and all at once I knew that my Patriotism was not what I had thought it, for I could not bear to see him going to War, especialy as his mother would be lonly without him.

Although I have never considered myself weak, I now felt that I was going to cry. I therfore said in a low voice to give me a Handkercheif, and he gave me one of his.

“Why, look here,” he said, in an astounded manner, “you aren’t crying about me, are you?”

I said from behind his Handkercheif that I was not, except being sorry for his mother and also for him on account of Leila.

“Leila!” he said. “What about Leila?”

“She is lost to you forever,” I replied in a choking tone. “She is betrothed to another.”

He became very angry at that, and observed:

“Look here, Bab. One minute I think you are the cleverest Girl in the World, and the next—you little stuped, do you still insist on thinking that I am in love with Leila?”

At that time I began to feel very queer, being week and at the same time excited and getting red, the more so as he pulled the Handkercheif from my eyes and commanded me: “Bab, look at me. Do I look as though I care for Leila?”

I, however, could not look at him just then. Because I felt that I could not endure to see the Unaform.

“Don’t you know why I hang around this House?” he said, in a very savige manner. “Because if you don’t everybody else does.”

Dear Log or Journal, I could but think of one thing, which was that I was not yet out, but still what is called a Sub-Deb, and so he was probably only joking, or perhaps merely playing with me.

I said so, in a low tone, but he only gave a Groan and said:

“I know you are not out and all the rest of it. Don’t I lie awake at night knowing it? And that’s the reason I——” Here he stopped and said: “Damm it” in a feirce voice. “Very well,” he went on. “I came to say Good-bye, and to ask you if you will write to me now and then. Because I’m going to War half because the Country needs me and the other half because I’m not going to disapoint a certain young Person who has a way of expecting people to be better than they are.”

He then very suddenly stood up and said:

“I guess I’d better go. And don’t you dare to cry, because if you do there will be Trouble.”

But I could not help it, as he was going to War for my Native Land, and might never come back. I therfore asked for his Handkercheif again, but he did not listen. He only said:

“You are crying, and I warned you.”

He then stooped over and put his hand under my Chin and said:

“Good-bye, sweetheart.”

And kissed me.

He went out at once, slaming the door, and passed Leila in the lower Hall without speaking to her.

April 30th. I now intend to close this Log or Journal, and write no more in it. I am not going back to school, but am to get strong and well again, and to help mother at the Red Cross. I wish to do this, as it makes me feel usefull and keeps me from worrying.

After all, I could not realy care for any one who would not rise to the Country’s Call.

May 3rd. I have just had a letter from Carter. It is mostly about blisters on his feet and so on, and is not exactly a love letter. But he ends with this, which I shall quote, and so end this Dairy:

“After all, Bab, perhaps we all needed this. I know I did.

“I want to ask you something. Do you remember the time you wrote me that you were blited and I sugested that we be blited together. How about changing that a bit, and being plited. Because if I am not cheered by something of the sort, my Patriotism is going to ooze out of the blisters on my heels.”

I have thought about this all day, and I have no right to ruin his Career. I beleive that the Army should be encouraged as much as possable. I have therfore sent him a small drawing, copied from the Manual, like this

Which means “Afirmative.”

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