Volume 1 — THE WEDDING NIGHT OF JEAN THE FOOL.45

THE WEDDING NIGHT OF JEAN THE FOOL.45

“Mother mine,” quoth Jean the Fool, “I would marry.”

“Thou wouldst marry, poor innocent? And what wouldst thou do with a woman? And who would want thee? To marry, thou must have culture at thy back (for thus they term those who have worldly goods), and thou hast none. Furthermore, thou must pay court to the maidens, and thou art too great a fool to know how to do that.”

“What doth one do when he goeth to visit the maidens?”

“One goeth to them when they hold a party, one indulgeth in all manner of drolleries, one pincheth them, one snatcheth their handkerchiefs when they blow their noses, one pulleth at their petticoats, and one laugheth.”

“Good,” said Jean to himself; and went out.

Passing down a road, narrow and filled with mire, he sat down, and when he felt he had sufficient ‘cultivation’ on his backside, he went to a farm where there was a party. The youths and maidens, when they saw Jean the Idiot enter all smeared with mire, drew back to make room for him, lest they themselves be soiled. In the end he found in the lobby a stool on which he sat near one of the maidens, whom he scrutinised closely.

She drew away from him; Jean pinched her, rudely snatched away her handkerchief when she sought to make use of it, and laughed like a fool. Then, thinking to succeed with her, he tugged so violently at her petticoat that he broke the strings that held it up. The maiden, half undressed, was enraged, and Jean was kicked out of doors, amid the shouting and jeering of the entire company.

From this moment Jean the Fool had no desire to pay court to maidens. But his mother, who felt herself growing old and had need of a daughter-in-law to aid her, said to him one day:

“Jean, thou must marry.”

“Nay, indeed, mother mine. I was tricked enough when I saw the maidens.”

“Nevertheless, ‘tis good to be married. Thy wife will give thee a chicken to eat.”46

Jean gave his consent and was married. When he was abed with his wife, he believed that she would serve up a chicken for him, and he said to her:

“Give it me.”

“Take it,” answered his wife.

“Give it me, I tell thee.”

“Take it, then.”

Thus passed the night, and on the morrow Jean the Fool went weeping to his mother, saying:

“Mother, I begged her for it, and she would not give it me.”

“He lieth!” cried the wife. “I have told him to take it if he wished it.”

And she went to complain to her mother that she had married an idiot, who passed the whole night saying “Give it me” without doing aught else. The good woman saw clearly that her son-in-law was foolish, and she bade him on the following night mount upon his wife and thrust at a spot where he felt some hair.

Jean did as he was counselled, but instead of stretching himself at full length upon her, laid himself across his wife and began to thrust with all his force, but without success, as one can well imagine, a woman’s slit not being at the same angle as her mouth.

Nor was it until the third night that Jean the Fool learned how he must comport himself to have a chicken, and then he found it very much to his taste and his wife also.47