Note (y) — Sot-weed Factor;

Scarce had we finish'd serious Story, But I espy'd the Town before me, And roaring Planters on the ground, Drinking of Healths in Circle round: Dismounting Steed with friendly Guide, Our Horses to a Tree we ty'd, And forwards pass'd among the Rout, To chuse convenient Quarters out: But being none were to be found, We sat like others on the ground Carousing Punch in open Air, Till Cryer did the Court declare; The planting Rabble being met Their Drunken Worships likewise set; Cryer proclaims that Noise shou'd cease And streight the Lawyers broke the Peace: Wrangling for Plantiff and Defendant, I thought they ne'er wou'd make an end on't: With nonsense, stuff and false quotations, With brazen Lyes and Allegations; And in the splitting of the Cause, They used much Motions with their Paws, As shew'd their Zeal was strongly bent, In Blows to end the Argument. A reverend Judge, who to the shame Of all the Bench, cou'd write his (y) his Name; At Petty-fogger took offence, And wonder'd at his Impudence. My Neighbour Dash with scorn replies, And in the Face of Justice flies; The Bench in fury streight divide, And Scribble's take or Judge's side; The Jury, Lawyers and their Clyents, Contending fight like earth-born Gyants; But Sheriff wily lay perdue, Hoping Indictments wou'd ensue, And when——————————— A Hat or Wig fell in the way, He seized them for the Queen as stray: The Court adjourn'd in usual manner In Battle Blood and fractious Clamour; I thought it proper to provide, A Lodging for myself and Guide, So to our Inn we march'd away, Which at a little distance lay; Where all things were in such Confusion, I thought the World at its conclusion; A Herd of Planters on the ground, O'er-whelm'd with Punch, dead drunk, we found; Others were fighting and contending, Some burnt their Cloaths to save the mending. A few whose Heads by frequent use, Could better bare the potent Juice, Gravely debated State Affairs. Whilst I most nimbly trip'd up Stairs; Leaving my Friend discoursing oddly, And mixing things Prophane and Godly; Just then beginning to be Drunk, As from the Company I slunk, To every Room and Nook I crept, In hopes I might have somewhere slept; But all the bedding was possest By one or other drunken Guest: But after looking long about, I found an antient Corn-loft out, Glad that I might in quiet sleep, And there my bones unfractur'd keep. I lay'd me down secure from Fray, And soundly snoar'd till break of Day; When waking fresh I sat upright, And found my Shooes were vanish'd quite; Hat, Wig, and Stockings, all were fled From this extended Indian Bed; Vext at the Loss of Goods and Chattel, I swore I'd give the Rascal battel, Who had abus'd me in this fort, And Merchant Stranger made his Sport. I furiously descended Ladder; No Hare in March was ever madder; In vain I search'd for my Apparel, And did with Oast and Servants Quarrel; For one whose Mind did much aspire To (z) Mischief, threw them in the Fire: Equipt with neither Hat nor Shooe, I did my coming hither rue, And doubtful thought what I should do: Then looking round, I saw my Friend Lie naked on a Table's end; A sight so dismal to behold, One wou'd have judg'd him dead and cold, When wringing of his bloody Nose, By fighting got we may suppose; I found him not so fast asleep, Might give his friends a cause to weep: Rise (aa) Oronooko, rise said I, And from this Hell and Bedlam fly. My Guide starts up, and in amaze, With blood-shot Eyes did round him gaze; At length with many a sigh and groan, He went in search of aged Rhoan; But Rhoan, tho' seldom us'd to faulter, Had fairly this time slipt his Halter; And not content all Night to stay Ty'd up from Fodder, ran away: After my Guide to ketch him ran, And so I lost both Horse and Man: Which Disappointment tho' so great, Did only Mirth and Jests create: Till one more Civil than the rest, In Conversation for the best, Observing that for want of Rhoan, I should be left to walk alone; Most readily did me intreat, To take a Bottle at his Seat; A Favour at that time so great, I blest my kind propitious Fate; And finding soon a fresh supply, Of Cloaths from Stoar-house kept hard by, I mounted streight on such a Steed, Did rather curb, than whipping need; And straining at the usual rate, With spur of Punch which lay in Pate, E'er long we lighted at the Gate: Where in an antient Cedar House, Dwelt my new Friend a (bb) Cockerouse; Whose Fabrick tho' 'twas built of Wood, Had many Springs and Winters stood; When sturdy Oaks, and lofty Pines Were level'd with (cc) Musmillion Vines, And Plants eradicated were, By Hurricanes into the air; There with good Punch and Apple Juice, We spent our Hours without abuse; Till Midnight in her sable Vest, Persuaded Gods and Men to rest; And with a pleasing kind surprize, Indulg'd soft Slumbers to my Eyes. Fierce (dd) Æthon courser of the Sun, Had half his Race exactly run; And breath'd on me a fiery Ray, Darting hot Beams the following Day, When snug in Blanket white I lay: But Heat and (ee) Chinces rais'd the Sinner, Most opportunely to his Dinner; Wild Fowl and Fish delicious Meats, As good as Neptune's doxy eats, Began our Hospitable Treat; Fat Venson follow'd in the Rear, And Turkies wild (ff) Luxurious Chear: But what the Feast did most commend, Was hearty welcom from my Friend. Thus having made a noble Feast, And eat as well as pamper'd Priest, Madera strong in flowing Bowls, Fill'd with extream delight our Souls; Till wearied with a purple Flood, Of generous Wine (the Giant's blood, As Poets feign) away I made, For some refreshing verdant Shade; Where musing on my Rambles strange, And Fortune which so oft did change; In midst of various Contemplations Of Fancies odd, and Meditations, I slumbered long———————— Till hazy Night with noxious Dews Did sleep's unwholsom Fetters lose; With Vapors chil'd, and misty air, To fire-side I did repair; Near which a jolly Female Crew, Were deep engag'd at Lanctre-Looe; In Night-rails white, with dirty Mein, Such Sights are scarce in England seen: I thought them first some Witches bent, On Black Designs in dire Convent. Till one who with affected air, Had nicely learn'd to Curse and Swear; Cry'd Dealing's lost is but a Flam, And vow'd by G——d she'd keep her Pam. When dealing through the board had run, They ask'd me kindly to make one; Not staying often to be bid, I sat me down as others did; We scarce had play'd a Round about, But that these Indian Froes fell out. D——m you, says one, tho' now so brave, I knew you late a Four-Years Slave; What if for Planter's Wife you go, Nature designed you for the Hoe. Rot you replies the other streight, The Captain kiss'd you for his Freight; And if the Truth was known aright, And how you walk'd the Streets by night You'd blush (if one cou'd blush) for shame, Who from Bridewell or New gate came: From Words they fairly fell to Blows, And being loath to interpose, Or meddle in the Wars of Punk, Away to Bed in hast I slunk. Waking next day, with aking Head, And Thirst, that made me quit my Bed; I rigg'd myself, and soon got up, To cool my Liver with a Cup Of (gg) Succahana fresh and clear, Not half so good as English Beer; Which ready stood in Kitchin Pail, And was in fact but Adam's Ale; For Planter's Cellars you must know, Seldom with good October flow, But Perry Quince and Apple Juice, Spout from the Tap like any Sluce; Untill the Cask's grown low and stale, They're forc'd again to (hh) Goud and Pail: The soathing drought scarce down my Throat, Enough to put a ship afloat, With Cockerouse as I was sitting, I felt a Feaver Intermitting; A fiery Pulse beat in my Veins, From Cold I felt resembling Pains: This cursed seasoning I remember, Lasted from March to cold December; Nor would it then its Quarters shift Until by Cardus turn'd adrift, And had my Doctress wanted skill, Or Kitchin Physick at her will, My Father's Son had lost his Lands, And never seen the Goodwin Sands: But thanks to Fortune and a Nurse Whose Care depended on my Purse, I saw myself in good Condition, Without the help of a Physitian: At length the shivering ill relieved, Which long my Head and Heart had grieved; I then began to think with Care, How I might sell my British Ware, That with my Freight I might comply, Did on my Charter party lie; To this intent, with Guide before, I tript it to the Eastern Shoar; While riding near a Sandy Bay, I met a Quaker, Yea and Nay; A Pious Consientious Rogue, As e'er woar Bonnet or a Brogue, Who neither Swore nor kept his Word But cheated in the Fear of God; And when his Debts he would not pay, By Light within he ran away. With this sly Zealot soon I struck A Bargain for my English Truck Agreeing for ten thousand weight, Of Sot-weed good and fit for freight, Broad Oronooko bright and sound, The growth and product of his ground; In Cask that should contain compleat, Five hundred of Tobacco neat. The Contract thus betwixt us made, Not well acquainted with the Trade, My Goods I trusted to the Cheat, Whose crop was then aboard the Fleet; And going to receive my own, I found the Bird was newly flown: Cursing this execrable Slave, This damn'd pretended Godly Knave; On dire Revenge and Justice bent, I instantly to Counsel went, Unto an ambodexter (ii) Quack, Who learnedly had got the Knack Of giving Glisters, making Pills, Of filling Bonds, and forging Wills; And with a stock of Impudence, Supply'd his want of Wit and Sense; With Looks demure, amazing People, No wiser than a Daw in Steeple; My Anger flushing in my Face, I stated the preceeding Case: And of my Money was so lavish, That he'd have poyson'd half the Parish, And hang'd his Father on a Tree For such another tempting Fee; Smiling, said he, the Cause is clear, I'll manage him you need not fear; The Case is judg'd, good Sir, but look In Galen, No—in my Lord Cook, I vow to God I was mistook: I'll take out a Provincial Writ, And trounce him for his Knavish Wit; Upon my Life we'll win the Cause, With all the ease I cure the (kk) Yaws; Resolv'd to plague the holy Brother, I set one Rogue to catch another; To try the cause then fully bent, Up to (ll) Annapolis I went, A City Situate on a Plain, Where scarce a House will keep out Rain; The Buildings framed with Cyprus rare, Resembles much our Southwark Fair: But Stranger here will scarcely meet With Market-place, Exchange, or Street; And if the Truth I may report, 'Tis not so large as Tottenham Court. St Mary's once was in repute, Now here the Judges try the Suit And Lawyers twice a year dispute. As oft the Bench most gravely meet, Some to get Drunk, and some to eat A swinging share of Country Treat. But as for Justice right or wrong, Not one amongst the numerous throng, Knows what they mean, or has the Heart, To give his Verdict on a Stranger's part: Now Court being call'd by beat of Drum, The Judges left their Punch and Rum, When Pettifogger Docter draws, His Paper forth, and opens Cause; And least I shou'd the better get, Brib'd Quack supprest his knavish Wit. So Maid upon the Downy Field Pretends a Force, and Fights to yield: The Byast Court without delay, Adjudg'd my Debt in Country Pay; In (mm) Pipe staves, Corn or Flesh of Boar, Rare Cargo for the English Shoar; Raging with Grief, full speed I ran To joyn the Fleet at (nn) Kicketan; Embarqu'd and waiting for a Wind I left this dreadful Curse behind.