Note 11 — II

The following passage, from an observation by Hirschfeld, shows how early such fixation on the brother may take place, only to disappear, apparently, and to be mistaken for inborn homosexuality: “I hated boys and boyish games; my sister was my alter ego, while my brother, who was 13 years older and a very beautiful man, had powerfully charmed my childish, pure and innocent heart. I worshipped him for his physical beauty even more than on account of his sterling qualities. At the same time I grew continuously more sensitive in my overt attitude towards him. I remember clearly that during the 6th or 7th year my brother’s physical beauty caused me to shake before him with every fiber of my body in admiration as before some mystery revealed. At 10 years of age I wept through a whole night intoxicated with joy because it fell to my lot to lie down near his intoxicatingly sweet presence for rest. I had a feeling of shame such as I did not experience in the presence of my mother or sister. Clearly and deliberately, although unbeknown, of course, to him, I deified my brother from the 10th to the 15th year, and this worshipful attitude reached its highest from my 10th to the 12th year, when he married. I was disconsolately unhappy over it because that event removed him from our midst and I felt it was dreadful that he should lose his virgin beauty, as I thought.” (Hirschfeld, loc. cit., p. 46.)