Note 627 — Chapter XIV · HUMOROUS AND COMIC.
Reading edition
The “goose’s foot” she obtained was most probably that at the corner of her eye—i.e., she became an old woman—for the French call patte d’oie—goose’s foot—that first attack of time upon beauty which we term the crow’s foot.
[628] A whetstone was anciently the name given in derision to a liar. The reason of it is explained in the following rhymes under an old engraving in the Bridgewater collection, representing a man with a whetstone in his hand:—
“The whettstone is a man that all men know, Yet many on him doe much cost bestowe: Hee’s us’d almost in every shoppe, but why? An edge must needs be set on every lye.”
How old is this connexion between lies and whetstones may be seen from Stow:—“Of the like counterfeit physition have I noted (in the Summarie of my Chronicles, anno 1382,) to be set on horsebacke, his face to the horsetaile, the same taile in his hand as a bridle, a collar of jordans about his necke, a whetstone on his breast, and so led through the citie of London with ringing of basons, and banished.”—Stow’s Chronicle, Howe’s edition, 1614, p. 604. It is a curious coincidence that in France and Germany a knife—the Rodomont knife—was handed over to outrageous liars. A vestige of this custom was still preserved at the university of Bonn at the end of the last century, where, when one of the company at the students’ mess drew the long bow a little too strongly, it was customary for all who sat at the table, without making any remarks, to lay their dinner knives on the top of their glasses, all pointing towards the offender.
[629] London Gazette, Dec. 23-26, 1700.
[630] Ibid., Jan. 10-14, 1678.
[631] James Christopher le Blond, a Fleming by birth, obiit 1740, made preparations to copy the Hampton Court tapestry cartoons. For this purpose he built a house in Mulberry Gardens, Chelsea, but the project failed.
[632] A Walk from London to Fulham. By the late T. C. Croker. 1860.
[633] Antiquarian Repertory, vol. i.
[634] “The ox gives the shoemaker leather of which he makes boots to be worn. As a grateful return I have ordered the ox to be portrayed here in boots and spurs.”
[635]
“Look here, this cow wears boots; Were it a bull it would be less odd.”
[636] “This is the Cock in Boots. Christ has been crucified, with a crown of thorns on His head. He that does not believe it is as bad as Thomas.”
[637]
“At the brave Jackass in Boots, There is tobacco, brandy, and gingerbread for sale.”
[638] Boswell’s Life of Johnson, vol. iii., p. 261. 1819.
[639] A Trip to Stirbitch Fair, 1703.
[640] Sometimes it is conveyed in an ingenious manner by a watch face without pointers accompanied by the significant words, No Tick.
[641] “To-day for money, to-morrow for nought.”
[642]
“When this cock shall crow, Credit will be given.”
[643] “Credit is dead: he has been killed by bad payers.”
[644] Harl. MSS., No. 6200.
[645] Cambridge Jests; or, Witty Alarums for Melancholy Spirits. Printed at the Looking-Glass, on London Bridge, for Thomas Morris.
[646]
“You may fight, you may pray, you may plead, But I am the farmer who lays the eggs,”—i.e., finds the money.
[647] Annotations to Ames’s Typographical Antiquities.
[648] MS. Harleian. 4690, 19 Edw. III.
[649]
“Here you may find a good woman, Faithfully portrayed from the life. Nothing is wanting but her head, Because that turns about with every wind. If the head had been left her, She would never have been good in all her life.”
[650]
“Women are a plague to man, And though young ‘spoons’ are fond of them. As soon as their fire is quenched, They wish her head was off.”
[651] Gull’s Hornbook.
[652] Massinger’s Parliament of Love, ac. ii., sc. 2; Roman Actor, ac. iii., sc. 2, &c.
[653] Edmund Plowden, obiit 1584, was buried and has a monument in the Temple Church.
[654] Walk round London and Suburbs, 1708, p. 46.
[655]
“The world does not go right, Before my door it hangs upside down. I sell wine and beer, and all that you may desire.”
[656] A somewhat different version of these rhymes is given on page 40.
[657] In allusion to Cromwell’s accident in Hyde Park, October 1654, when his coach-horses ran away, and his highness, who was driving, fell from the box between the traces, and was dragged along for a considerable distance.
[658] “It is said that the virtue of Cato the elder was frequently warmed by wine.”
[659] “Cato refreshed his mind with wine when it was wearied with the cares of the commonwealth.”
[660] “Cato has been blamed for drunkenness, but it is easier to find reason to praise, than to blame Cato.”
[661] “Drunkenness will be sometimes considered as honourable, and to drink a great quantity of pure wine as a virtue.”
[662] “When the wine sparkled on the lips of Democritus, it was then that he could not restrain himself from laughter. Another [Heraclius] on the contrary, often drank thy tears, O bottle, in order to dry his own tears. Diogenes lived in a barrel so that he might always smell the odour of divine wine. It is said that Empedocles, when he jumped down burning Etna, had first warmed himself with no small quantity of wine. They also say that thou, O Epicurus, didst prefer even the smallest drops of old wine to thine atoms. In imitation of these examples, I do not hesitate in drinking, for he who tastes drinks, consequently he that drinks is wise.” It is almost impossible to translate this last line, on account of the pun contained in the verb sapere, which at the same time means “to taste” and “to be wise.” The second line is evidently imperfect.
[663] Harl. MSS., 6200, p. 68.
[664] This alludes to the well-known plot of a bandbox sent to the Lord Treasurer, containing a very poor infernal machine, made of inkhorns. The affair, however, has never been satisfactorily cleared up. Swift is called a rogue by the indignant Partridge, because he had made a droll ballad and epitaph upon the “Supposed death of Partridge, the Almanac-maker,” which Swift had predicted and Partridge publicly denied.
[665] See Appendix.