Note 550 — Chapter XXXI · SPAS AND BATHING.

Ward describes a visit to the Hummums in Covent Garden with a friend, who suggested to him[550] 'if you will be your Club towards Eight Shillings, we'll go in and Sweat, and you shall feel the effects of this Notable Invention.' Let him tell his experiences in his own words. 'We now began to unstrip, and put ourselves in a Condition of enduring an Hour's Baking, and when we had reduc'd our selves into the Original state of Mankind, having nothing before us to cover our Nakedness, but a Clout no bigger than a Fig leaf, our Guide led us to the end of our Journey, the next Apartment, which I am sure, was as hot as a Pastry Cooks Oven to Bake a White Pot; that I began immediately to melt, like a Piece of Butter in a Basting Ladle, and was afraid I should have run all to Oyl by the time I had been in six Minutes; The bottom of the Room was Pav'd with Freestone; to defend our feet from the excessive heat of which, we had got on a pair of new-fashioned Brogues, with Wooden Soles after the French Mode, Cut out of an Inch Deal Board; or else like the Fellow in the Fair, we might as well have walk'd cross a hot Iron Bar, as ventur'd here to have Trod bare Foot. As soon as the Fire had tapt us all over, and we began to run like a Conduit Pipe, at every Pore, our Rubber arms his Right Hand with a Gauntlet of coarse hair Camlet, and began to curry us with as much Labour, as a Yorkshire Groom does his Master's best Stone Horse; till he made our Skins as Smooth as a Fair Ladies Cheeks, just wash'd with Lemon Posset, and greas'd over with Pomatum. At last I grew so very faint with the expence of much Spirits, that I begg'd as hard for a Mouthful of fresh Air, as Dives did for a drop of Water; which our attendance let in at a Sash-Window, no broader than a Deptford Cheese Cake; but, however, it let in a Comfortable Breeze that was very Reviving: when I had foul'd many Callico Napkins, our Rubber draws a Cistern full of Hot Water, that we might go in, and Boil out those gross Humours that could not be Emitted by Perspiration. Thus, almost Bak'd to a Crust, we went into the hot Bath to moisten our Clay, where we lay Soddening our selves like Deer's Humbles design'd for Minc'd Pies, till we were almost Parboiled ... then after he had wiped me o'er with a dry Clout, telling us we had Sweat enough, he reliev'd us out of Purgatory, and carried us into our Dressing Room; which gave us such Refreshment, after we had been stewing in our own Gravy, that we thought ourselves as happy as a Couple of English Travellers, Transported in an Instant, by a Miracle from the Torrid Zone into their own Country. Our expense of Spirits had weakened Nature and made us drowsie; where having the Conveniency of a Bed, we lay down and were rubb'd like a couple of Race Horses after a Course.'