Note 6 — Chapter IX

The story, as well as I remember it, was as follows:—A probably well-meaning but decidedly weak-minded Protestant, bent on missionary work, arrived one day at Tangier. He had never been in the East, and did not know a word of Arabic. He was determined, however, to improve the opportunity by letting in a ray of Gospel truth into the minds of the benighted Mussulmans. That he did not know a word of their native language was no obstacle to this energetic missionary, he would employ an interpreter. Having found one in the person of a 'Gibraltar Jew,' he explained to him what he wanted; the bargain was soon struck, and the Jew undertook, for a consideration, to interpret for him on the next market day. He, however, advised the missionary to have a certain quantity of tobacco and coffee ready to treat the assembled hearers, as it was always customary to do so in that country whenever an important meeting was held—to which the missionary at once consented. The fact of the danger he would be running into himself, dragging his interpreter after him, from telling the most bigoted perhaps of all Mussulmans, that their religion was false, and their Prophet an emissary of the Evil One, never once entered into his head; but, fortunately for them both, the Jew had more brain than his employer. Market-day came, and the Jew had bespoke, in a couple of cafés, a large supply of coffee. The town and country people having been informed that an "Effendi Engleez" would make a great speech to them, they collected in large numbers in the market-place, where they squatted down round a hogshead, on which the missionary was mounted. He at once began in the usual terms—his religion was the only true one, and all those who differed from him went straight down head foremost into Gehenna, which the wise Jew translated thus: "The Effendi has come all the way from England to get cured; he is mad, but quite harmless, and if you only have patience, you will get plenty of coffee." And so the missionary went on ringing the changes on his subject, whilst the wiser Jew rang the changes on his; which, however, always ended in the stereotyped, "and you'll get plenty of coffee." The report, probably made to head-quarters by that enterprising missionary, would be interesting to read, especially by the light thrown upon it by the interpreter; and how many more missionary efforts might prove equally distressing could we but have together with the sermon the running commentary of a non-interested looker-on.